To have another baby to please dh

[berryford]

So we already have 2 daughters who currently share a room 2 and 4 and I have a teenage son who has his own room (3 bed house) so we really don't have the space, plus we only have a small car and a relatively small lounge with a corner unit that just seats us all nicely, we also have a small dining table that really only seats 4 and an extra chair at a squeeze.
Dh would like a son of his own and has been begging and pleading with me but I don't want to, I have just got my body back to pre pregnancy after nearly 3 years.

I have told him how I feel but he gets upset and says he wants to try one last time for a boy as it means so much to him.

I just feel I'm done with having children and want to focus on the ones I've got, I'm also a SAHM so I would be the one looking after them and of course it could be another girl which I wouldn't mind but dh would be disappointed.

I know having another baby is the wrong choice for me and the only reason to is because he wants to so much and I am guilt ridden.

He seems to think we would manage, move, he'd work more hours and get a bigger car and every time I say no he gets so down and says it's his only chance to have a son and at 36 it is for me.

I just feel like if I don't he'll resent me forever and I will have to live with the guilt/regret.

[AvailableName]

Honestly op if he respects you he will respect your decision.
He knows he's making the wife he "loves" feel awful but sees nothing wrong with that as long as he wins.

[DeRigueurMortis]

A child is a person not a potential best mate.

Even if you had a son there is zero guarantee that he would be the person your DH imagines.

In that sense it's a situation that's likely to be lose/lose/lose.

You have a girl and you've got an overcrowded house and despite what he says a disappointment for DH.

You have a boy who doesn't live up to this almost "mythic" son your DH imagines and he's disappointed (and resentful towards the child).

You have his "perfect" son who will become your DH's golden child to the detriment to your daughters.

There's absolutely no winning here for anyone.

As a parent his greatest responsibility is to the children he already has.

I knew I only wanted one child. DH has a DD from a previous relationship.

I didn't care what the sex was but DH did admit he would prefer a boy (just to have one of each) but if it was a girl he'd still be happy and there would be no pressure to try again.

As it turned out I had a son so I never tested his resolve but ironically of the two children DSD is the one whose interested in football/motorbikes and DH's other hobbies whereas DS is much more like me in interests and personality.

Upshot is we got blessed with two very different children in our lives and they are both awesome in their own right regardless of sex.

[Sandra2010]

I think I'd be asking why his daughters aren't enough. I understand your distress that he's so upset, but he's the one being unreasonable. He needs to understand what another pregnancy, birth and recovery means for you, and that it's not bloody easy. You're obviously not keen and you will end up resenting him for this. YA definitely NBU.

[SandyY2K]

I think a lot of posts here are harsh towards your DH OP. Wanting a mix of genders is not unusual....it doesn't make him an idiot, it doesn't make him sexist either as pps have said.

Minimising it to a boy has a penis and that's the only difference, just sound incredibly immature IMO.

I wanted a boy myself, but mine are all girls. I love them as much as I possibly could and if I had a boy it wouldn't have meant I loved my girls less.... what a ridiculous suggestion from pps.. that he would love your DDs any less.

Many women try again and again for a certain gender...it doesn't make them idiots.

Having said all that, none None of the above are have a bearing on having a baby you don't want.

Babies are hard work and you're getting your life back. I totally get that.

Babies impact the mum so much more and most of the work falls on you.

My DH wanted more DC.... it wasn't about having a boy... he certainly never said this to me, but I was the one who went through the labour pains and tbh I personally would have wanted the next child to be a boy and this was one of the reasons among others I refused and wasn't going to be persuaded.

[whattimeisitrightnow]

@SandyY2K The OP herself stated that he only wants a son for reasons that are clearly sexist, such as wanting to pass on the family name and wanting someone to play football with. So yes, he is sexist for wanting a son in this context.
He also does sound a bit of an idiot, given that he’s damaging his relationship with his wife by repeatedly badgering her about having another child that she doesn’t want and that might not even be a boy anyway.

[ZombieLizzieBennet]

You seem to have ignored most of what OP has posted sandy.