To have another baby to please dh

[berryford]

So we already have 2 daughters who currently share a room 2 and 4 and I have a teenage son who has his own room (3 bed house) so we really don't have the space, plus we only have a small car and a relatively small lounge with a corner unit that just seats us all nicely, we also have a small dining table that really only seats 4 and an extra chair at a squeeze.
Dh would like a son of his own and has been begging and pleading with me but I don't want to, I have just got my body back to pre pregnancy after nearly 3 years.

I have told him how I feel but he gets upset and says he wants to try one last time for a boy as it means so much to him.

I just feel I'm done with having children and want to focus on the ones I've got, I'm also a SAHM so I would be the one looking after them and of course it could be another girl which I wouldn't mind but dh would be disappointed.

I know having another baby is the wrong choice for me and the only reason to is because he wants to so much and I am guilt ridden.

He seems to think we would manage, move, he'd work more hours and get a bigger car and every time I say no he gets so down and says it's his only chance to have a son and at 36 it is for me.

I just feel like if I don't he'll resent me forever and I will have to live with the guilt/regret.

I read somewhere that it's the father's sperm that determines the gender. Given that he has already gathered two girls, he might be more biologically likely to father girls than boys.

There is really no guarantee that next one will be a boy.

I know of at least three families that only have one gender:

• family 1: 5 girls
• family 2: 3 girls
• family 3: 3 boys

No no no. For your daughters’ sake as well as yours.

Strong chance it will be another girl, he sounds immature.
Plus in my experience lots of men who pine for boys still leave the mum to do most of the parenting

No, this is the worst reason to go through another pregnancy. You're more likely to have another girl anyway. It sounds like your DH is behaving like a 'boy' instead of a grown man.

My sister has two sons born about two years apart and then there's a slightly bigger gap. They thought they'd 'have one last go' at having a girl. You've guessed it, their third was another boy. They love him as much the others and they even laugh about it. Sadly, it sounds as if your DH wouldn't take this more light-hearted view. Stick to your guns, it's your body.

How old is your oh? Once over 40 men have a much higher chance of having a girl. Like a 2-1 ratio i think so the chance of having a boy is quite low anyway.

I've never heard anything so daft. Sorry, OP, but that's just wrong on many levels.

Firstly, you should not have another child to please someone else and it is unfair of your DH to demand it.

Secondly, how must your other children feel to know that they're not enough.

Thirdly, you cannot give birth to order and there is not guarantee that you will have a boy. As someone else said upthread, where would you stop in the quest for a male baby?

If he’s had two daughters already there’s a significant increase in the likelihood that he will have another daughter. And then what?

I can not believe someone upthread suggested he would probably get you to abort a girl!!! What a ridiculous comment.

I don't think his desire for a boy is in the least bit unusual or unreasonable.

However it has to be a joint decision and as you clearly don't want another child he will need to stop pressurising you and accept that you, as the one who bears the child, gets the casting vote!

No, he's being ridiculous.
Say no, tell him you consider the matter closed, and ensure that you're on a stable form of birth control.

No he is going to have to face up to not having a son (not an uncommon occurence)

Its not fair on anyone especially the baby born to this

Is your husband Henry the 8th, what's all this about? - there's absolutely no guarantee the baby would be a boy so what happens if it's another girl? Do you keep trying for a boy? - sorry OP, I don't think you should have another baby for the sake of your DH, it's just one of those things & they may be some resentment towards you and baby if it doesn't come out the gender he was hoping for xx

Imagine the impact on your ds when he is parading a new ds..
On the 50 /50 chance he makes a boy.

That is so sad @Phillipa12

I have a lot more sympathy for gender preference / gender disappointment than is typical on MN, and I think your DH's sadness over not having a son of his own should be acknowledged - up to a point (and NEVER within earshot of his daughters or your son).

But I still think this should be a hard no to the idea of another child. From the situation you describe, another child would have a significant and detrimental impact on the children you already have, and there is clearly no guarantee you will have a boy. And you don't want one.

He needs to find a way of making peace with the situation.

I'd be worried about the fact he wants his own son. So he doesn't see your son as his? How would that dynamic play out if you did have a second boy? Would your son be sidelined like an unwanted puppy now that he has a proper son?

The person who doesn't want a baby gets the final say, especially if it's the woman who'd be carrying the baby and putting up with all the changes, potential problems, etc.

You have given plenty of good reasons for not having another, and getting your body back is not the lowest of those reasons, either. So far, you've only mentioned him wanting a boy of his own as a reason for having another baby, and it's not a good enough reason.

And there's nothing a boy does that a girl can't do. If he goes on about carrying on the family name, remind the sexist idiot that this is the 21st century and women can also carry on the family name. (I got coerced by ex into giving the DC his surname on the grounds that he was the last male in his part of the family, I'm older now, and it wouldn't happen.)

He needs to get his head out of his arse, seriously.

1. It is not reasonable to pressure someone into having a baby they don't want. It is even more unreasonable when you are not the one who will have to carry and birth them.

1. He has two lovely children of his own already. Why is he so hung up on having a son? Is he from the past? What can a son give him that a daughter cannot?

He is being utterly, utterly unfair. You have told him no. He knows you don't want to. He knows you have told him you are done. But he is STILL begging you anyway, even though it's not HIM that will be having to do the growing, carrying, birthing, etc. Fuck that.

First of all your DH is sexist. Second, there's a SMALLER than 50% chance your next baby will be a girl, since the more of one sex a man fathers the greater the chance his next child will be of that same sex.

Sorry I meant there's a smaller than 50% chance your next baby will be a boy!!

What is his reasoning? He already has a step-son and 2 daughters.

Why is he so desperate for a son and if he got one, how would he treat your son and the two girls? Second, third and fourth best?

And if you had another baby, which on balance would be slightly more likely to be another DD, and had a stroke in pregnancy or a serious birth injury, then what? Or if the baby had SEN, which is always a possibility and one that increases as you get older - plummeting of the quality of life for you and your existing 3 DC. Is he going to bear that burden? I doubt it. All of it would be on you.

You don't want another baby. That is the start and end of the discussion. You are the one who would bear 90+% of the risk, strain, and impact of another pregnancy and baby, and you don't want to. And tbh even if you were enthusiastic about a 4th baby, I would be very wary indeed about this scenario, where he seems quite likely to play favourites with the children and for the older 3 to suffer whether you happened to give birth to another DD or his wanted DS.

Don't have another baby just because your husband wants one. He sounds unbelievably immature, if you did have a child it might be another girl, surely he realises that. His attitude is not exactly flattering to his daughters either.

Just don't!

Tell him statistically the chances of having a 2nd child of the same gender as your first is high. Then tell him the chance of having a 3rd child of the same gender is even higher. He is likely to have another girl not a boy without IVF

Then tell him to fuck off and have a womb implant

Why does he think having a boy would be any different to having a girl? The only thing a boy can do that a girl can’t is wee standing up.

As always, @SimonJT puts it brilliantly.

I had a boy and a girl. My son isn't interested in sport of any kind, or anything typically gendered towards boys. Thankfully my exh didn't care in the slightest whether we had boys or girls but I do wonder if you were to have a boy and they didn't fit that typical gender stereotype, would your dh be disappointed?

My daughter is questioning her gender identity, prefers to be known as male and has a girlfriend. This may change, it may not.

I guess what I am trying to say is that what is between a baby's legs doesn't guarantee anything so having a baby you are not sure about because you are hoping for a particular sex is crazy.