To have another baby to please dh

[berryford]

So we already have 2 daughters who currently share a room 2 and 4 and I have a teenage son who has his own room (3 bed house) so we really don't have the space, plus we only have a small car and a relatively small lounge with a corner unit that just seats us all nicely, we also have a small dining table that really only seats 4 and an extra chair at a squeeze.
Dh would like a son of his own and has been begging and pleading with me but I don't want to, I have just got my body back to pre pregnancy after nearly 3 years.

I have told him how I feel but he gets upset and says he wants to try one last time for a boy as it means so much to him.

I just feel I'm done with having children and want to focus on the ones I've got, I'm also a SAHM so I would be the one looking after them and of course it could be another girl which I wouldn't mind but dh would be disappointed.

I know having another baby is the wrong choice for me and the only reason to is because he wants to so much and I am guilt ridden.

He seems to think we would manage, move, he'd work more hours and get a bigger car and every time I say no he gets so down and says it's his only chance to have a son and at 36 it is for me.

I just feel like if I don't he'll resent me forever and I will have to live with the guilt/regret.

It could be twin girls! My DD has b/g twins and her XH badly wanted a boy to share his love of sport. He hates sport and so des his sister. No guarantees that a son would fit his image of what he thinks he wants. There's no way I'd have a baby when I didn't want one.

OP, what sort of relationship did your husband have with his own father?*

His dad was a quiet softly spoken man who lived under his domineering wife's thumb.

His dad didn't get much say in his upbringing as his mum was quite controlling over the family and his dad and siblings would trip over themselves to meet her demands, they were very competitive about who would get into their mums good books so I guess there was a bit of rivalry even with his dad.

He went NC in the end as it was the only way he make decisions for himself and as a consequence the rest of the family stick with her and won't see him if he won't see her so dysfunctional to say the least.

I think she was just a narcissist and him putting himself before her was a wound that would never heal.

My friend did this - another girl!

OP, from what you have said above, it sounds as if he desperately wants a mini-me son to experience that fairytale father-son bond he deep-down feels he never had.

And this is doubly why you have to stick to your guns - not only for your and your existing children's sake, but to protect him from himself.

Explain to him gently that, apart from the fact that you DO NOT WANT another child, you're not an incubator etc ect, there's a 99% chance he'll end up disappointed when... a) it's a girl .... b) it's a boy but ends up hating football / being gay / not living up to his expectations / not being mini-me and c) it's a boy who ends up resenting the impossible pressure placed upon him by his father and also ends up going NC.

My friend did this - another girl!

My friend did this too - they got their chosen gender but they also ended up divorced...

I wouldn't. If it's a boy it will be his golden child and if its a girl he'll regret it.
He cant insist you put your body through that and what does he plant to do about the space issues?

I think I'd get sterilised just to shut him up tbh.

I also know someone who did this. She has another baby - it was a third DD for them.

Then her husband announced he was leaving her for his mistress who was pregnant with a boy. She was devastated - on her own with two kids and a newborn baby.

Mistress had a miscarriage / still birth ( sorry don’t know which ) and her ex came running back saying he’d Had a breakdown, made a mistake, was depressed etc etc

She sent him packing but she’s left bringing up the three kids on her own. He’s full of resentment ( it’s all her fault for breaking up the family ) and is a piss poor father 😟.

I really wish the OP would enable voting.

Imagine being the third girl.

Fuck it, even if I was on the fence about having one myself, the thought of being the third girl. The one who "ruined" his chances of being the kind of father he always wanted to be. What must her life look like?

Or what if he gets a little boy who isn't a sexist dinosaur full of gendered ideas of boyhood? What if he wants to prance about in a tutu with his sisters (as clearly they aren't being taken to football matches).

What would his life be like?

I honestly think this kind of talk like my daughters weren't good enough would make me want to LTB. Certainly not have another child with him.

I can understand him explaining his reasons but the harassment of you over it, is really awful.

Under any circumstances do not have a baby because you have been nagged into it.

You are done.
He needs to accept this.

This is sadly showing you are very unlikeable side to his character.

Being nagged is awful.

2020 .Oh yes thats the year we are in not bloody 1950! I thought all this having a Son, to carry on the family name crap had died out .Appears not obviously .What does he say when you tell him it might be another girl? You have 2 girls already so wouldnt be surprising would it? Seriously he is being massively unreasonable here .Is he into football or extreme sport and wants a lad to take out? I had a friend like this her DH was desperate for a boy and she had 3 girls! You will have to be firm and tell him no more and mean it!

Phillipa 12 Terribly sorry to hear that .Truly awful for you .Maybe you are better off without him as he sounds an arse! Much Love and hugs to you Take Care xx

Dh would like a son of his own and has been begging and pleading with me

Oh no! Your poor daughters.

How cruel of your DH.

Foolishly, I really thought our society had developed further than this.

p.s. dodged a bullet there OP, imagine how he would have spoiled a big at the expense of your daughters. Thank goodness you had two daughters.

AlexanderNeverMind "Tell him if he wants a best mate to get a dog" Best laugh Ive had all day thank you!

Does he not have any male friends to go to footie with ?.My own DS does eat drink and breathe Football,but usually goes with his mates! When they were younger DH would take him, as he likes football as well ,but as they grow up like to go to the pub and so on with their peers!

You know OP, it's really concerning you had to start this thread. That he's harassed you so much he has you second guessing your own boundaries. Have you told anyone in RL?

He wants a boy to play football with and go to matches, he looks at all the baby clothes for boys and imagines a little him and yes he says to carry on the family name.

What if this son was another Billy Elliott and preferred ballet to football?

And if the son didn’t like football? Does he know that girls can play football and go to matches? It’s not exclusively for boys.

He's barmy. I would have liked a daughter. There's a lot of women in my family and we're all very close. I always imagined having a daughter and that carrying on. When I was about 18 weeks pregnant I found out I was having a boy. This was after a previous loss.
DS is the light of my life. He's 7 months old and he is the happiest baby you have ever met. He sleeps well and eats well and is just generally a delight.
I won't keep producing children until I get a daughter. Pregnancy kicked my arse and I don't particularly want to do it again for any reason. Tell your husband if he wants a son then he can have as many children as he likes. As soon as he figures out how to carry them. Until then he can piss off.

@squeekums nope. Dh not so keen!!! I said it’d be interesting for me to watch him give birth. I’ve done it twice. It’s his turn now.

Hmm. I’d be most worried about the op, her ds (who can’t but feel second if this happens) and the family overall budget wise.
Less worried about the dds. I’d like a girl but I will love my boys the same.
Op what if you said you are asking me to put my child into the position of being a second class citizen as it’s obvious he’d be someone else’s son while your son was ‘your son’. There are lots of other problems here but im a good parent and no good parent would do this.

Agree with everyone. Also, if he already generated 2 females chances are tipped towards the same thing happening again.

No, there's no biological basis on which I say that, but we all know of families with 5/6 of the same sex child so I think there's some likelihood there that it would be another girl!

I think I'd be looking for a job not having another baby.

Don’t do it, OP. It’s your body that is at risk here. He sounds like a nightmare, I’d find it very hard to respect someone like him.

No, you'd be fucking stupid to put yourself at risk for a 50:50 chance of appealing to his vanity.