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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

312 replies

ViVi6 · 07/07/2020 19:25

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

OP posts:
ViVi6 · 15/07/2020 09:35

Our pattern has changed slightly this past week and I'm no longer DTD daily, because I just don't want to. It's still every other day which I'm alright with.

I can tell he's sexually frustrated though because no sooner had I opened my eyes this morning he was dropping blatant hints that he wanted it today.

I've had a bad nights sleep due to unsettling dreams so upon waking up I was still groggy and a bit anxious, the last thing I wanted was to converse about his urges and commit to sex I may not want later on.

OP posts:
Motoko · 15/07/2020 11:44

It's all about him isn't it? He doesn't give a toss about you, he's only interested in you facilitating his urges. You could be any female, as you're just a body to fill with spunk.

Why stay with a man who doesn't love and care for you?

viccytwiffy · 15/07/2020 11:59

the tail end of a relationship issue (no pun intended)... you might 'owe' him... and i dont mean tht in a bad way, but seeing as relationships are about compromise and co-operation... he might be needing the kind of sex that heals... what did you do to him!!! think it through.. unless it is just about satisfying a neverending lust in which case... ditch the guy

ViVi6 · 15/07/2020 12:43

@viccytwiffy I'm not sure what you mean by what I did to him? I haven't done anything to him that requires him to heal, much the other way round.

It is purely about satisfying a never ending lust where he is concerned.

OP posts:
HisNibs · 15/07/2020 12:44

He's sexually frustrated if he doesn't get it daily! Wow. Doesn't seem to care much about you. Tell him to get a wank sock and stop using you as one.

Isis1981uk · 15/07/2020 12:51

On average every other day - my partner would probably be happy with once every 3 days but I'd prefer every day, so that's our very happy compromise! (disclaimer - he works aboard a ship 3 months at a time so we have feast following famine!!!)

madcatladyforever · 15/07/2020 13:02

Possibly because I'm asexual but the thought of having to have sex everyday makes me just want to heave. and as for role play, BDSM or anything along that line I'd just be so unbelievably bored with it all.
Naturally I'm divorced and very happily so.
I hope I never have to have sex with a man again for the rest of my life.
I'm not a prude but it is all just so dull. I used to get my kicks riding big motorbikes. So much more fun.

Quartz2208 · 15/07/2020 15:39

It is purely about satisfying a never ending lust where he is concerned.

Then @ViVi6 he needs to get some help this much headspace and time on sex isnt healthy for either of you. Sex is part of not the focus of a healthy relationship and it sounds as if he is addicted

JizzPigeon22 · 15/07/2020 15:45

We had sex everyday. Usually twice! Even with young children about. We were fortunate to have good sleepers.

AnneTwackie · 15/07/2020 15:50

Did you have the conversation OP? Sounds like he hasn’t understood if you did!

timeisnotaline · 17/07/2020 01:28

I wouldn’t start with a nice talk. I’m thinking screaming losing your shit. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UNATTRACTIVE DROPPING HINTS YOU WANT SEX ALL THE TIME AND GETTING MOODY ABOUT IT IS? IM A PERSON NOT A THING.

Avios · 22/07/2020 00:51

We do it most days and on the days we do it, it can be multiple times (when we wake up and evening/going to bed). In terms of wanting it, her sex drive is very high, and while I wouldn’t be thinking about sex as much she does, were lucky that we’re well matched so I tend to get turned on quickly if she suggests it. We’re in our early 30s.

I think it depends on your relationship though and if you’re not matched on sex drive or you don’t have a high libido there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d suggest being honest with him and telling him that you often feel disappointed when he constantly asks. I’m sure his intention isn’t to make you feel guilty so it might just need pointing out.

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