To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

[ViVi6]

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

20 yrs together, its been about 4 yrs. Low sex drive on his side and over 50. Nothing i can do about it. Ive given up, im 12 yrs younger. :-(

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

Anyone who’s man is getting stroppy or huffy when he doesn’t get sex - THATS NOT OK! There’s a word for pushing someone into sex they don’t want by withholding affection and making them feel uncomfortable. It’s called coercion and it’s now a criminal offence. Tell these sex pests to shape up or fuck off.

Thank you for that post.

Had sex twice in the last 4 yrs, last time was December 2018, I’m the one pestering DH just keeps saying it will happen when it happens, feeling pretty miserable if I’m honest, try to have a conversation but I’m told I’m selfish!

We've been together 9 years, and because we both work shifts, its usually once a week or once a fortnight. We'd both like it more often but its difficult with shift work and a co-sleeping DD.

Haha.. I wrapped my vagina in foil and put it in the fridge.

Lucky you, it is 1 or 2 times a month, always so tired, but get through a lot of batteries ;)

I wish. Part of reason I divorced.

We've been together 23 years. High days and holidays for us!! I quite look forward to smear tests because it's nice for somebody to see it!!

Oh dear maybe something’s wrong in my relationship. It’s been nearly a year.

YABU It's none of your Business what other people do in their.intimate lives. I would never ask anyone that!!!

@Rache49

YABU It's none of your Business what other people do in their.intimate lives. I would never ask anyone that!!!

Nobody asked you to respond. Many people are happy discussing.

This isn't actually about his sex drive and yours I don't think. It can't be easy to keep trying to have sex with your SW and every time you do you get rejected. I'd think it's dispiriting and makes you grumpy. Similarly it's just as depressing to have a DH that doesn't recognise that life has changed and you're just not up for it every night!

Can you try and put some time aside maybe crack open a bottle of wine and talk to each other? Seems to me you need him to understand that you do fancy him but that you need to be less stressed, less tired and maybe a bit more fulfilled/having spent time for yourself in order to be in the mood?

He needs to understand that if he shoulders more of the children burden (and you'll need to let him if not letting him has been an issue), he's likely to get more and better sex!

If he gets it then you'll need to make a plan on working on your hobbies and wellbeing. If he doesn't sadly you may have to have a very big rethink about your life generally.

I really hope he gets it.

We never had sex every day even when we met or on honeymoon, but I expect we are outliers

When we were first together it was constant. Now when possible and in the mood. We've been together 15 years, have a young child who's a bed invader and that makes things difficult. We're also generally knackered as we're middle aged. So once or twice a month.

Depends... DH and I were both like this for the 1st 10yrs together, that's just how we felt about each other.

Now it's maybe once a week but that's because DH has health issues. I would happily have sex every day (maybe not multiple times but I have my moments).

There is no "normal", just what's normal for you. Find a happy medium and enjoy it because 10yrs from now it may have disappeared altogether.

He clearly fancies you and sex is great, what's not to love about that?

YABU It's none of your Business what other people do in their.intimate lives. I would never ask anyone that!!!

And yet you chose to click on the thread.

At least once a week - married for 5 years with a 4 year old.
Sometimes more and less often less.

But we both want it - so no pressure from either

Oh I feel your pain! I love my husband very much and still fancy him after nearly 30 years together but once or twice a week is enough for me. He has a very high sex drive and would never do or say anything to make me feel pressured but after a few days of no sex he is like a bear with a sore head! It seems to have a very physical impact on him. Once the grumpiness sets in I find a way to relieve the pressure even if I'm not in the mood. I'd rather that than he took his frustration elsewhere. I don't think for a moment that I can't trust him but I do think men can be quite basic creatures sometimes! It is hard though because sometimes I'd rather just cuddle. Every physical touch turns him on so sometimes I keep to my side of the bed and forego the cuddle. You do need to find a happy compromise if you have mismatched sex drives. Good luck!

No not daily. Together 15 years

Sex needs to be what works for you both so it doesn't really matter what others do

It may be the way parts of society is constructed or just how some women feel about sex but many women seem to think sex is "for" the man. "He won't get sex if he doesn't do X". "He forgot to do Y so I'm withholding sex from him". Sex should be about both/all parties. It should be mutually enjoyable.

Bebs677 You shouldn't do sexual things you don't want to do out of fear for him going elsewhere. That's terribly sad.

I agree with posters on here about what works for both. The problems arise when one isn’t prepared to compromise...on either side of the coin.
For me...the utter misery, rejection, loneliness and knocking of confidence it leaves you with when your other half constantly knocks you back, it killed every other part of our relationship also in time.

OP you actually sound lovely and really fair to your DP, I’d consider paying for a few sessions of couples therapy and let them unpick his ‘need’ to have sex every day.
Sex is so complicated, if he needed you to clap for half an hour while he did a dance every day to feel loved you wouldn’t do it, not because you don’t love him but because it’s not natural to make someone you love do something they don’t want to do.

I don't think there is a "normal" for this kind of thing. Surely its whatever works for you?!
We've been together 14 years this year - married 6 - 3DC: DS10 DS6 DS1.
By the time we've had dinner, got the kids to bed and done any chores/dishwasher/tidying up we are totally knackered and just relieved to be in bed at last.
I think men in general just want/need it more than us women.
I know what you mean tho; my DH will inform me every so often that its been exactly 10 days since we last had sex and I'm like; oh has it?! 🤷‍♀️🤣
I reckon we usually do it 2-3 times a week. Mostly weekends bc hes up at the arse end of dawn for work during the week.

We've been together 10 years and have two young DC. We do it around 2-3 times a month. I think DH would like a bit more but we seem to get on well enough with that!

I feel you OP. My DH is the same. I'm happy for a couple times a week if that as my libido seems to have disappeared. We normally do 3/4 times a week