To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

[ViVi6]

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

Been together 23 yrs, since we were 17. Married with 2 kids under 10. Usually 2-3 times per week but it can really vary according to work/family life. Sometimes a couple of weeks will go by without it, sometimes it’s 4 times per week. As PPs have said, what matters is not how much anyone else has but how well matched you are and whether you’re happy with it.

Before lockdown once every 6-8 weeks, now weekly! My ex used to insist on sex 3 times a day (morning, when I got home from work and at bedtime) but he was also very jealous and controlling and this was part of that. Not saying that's what your DP is like though. Remember that you have equal rights in this relationship, it's not all about his needs. Too much and it can become a chore. Talk to him about it

I’ve been married for 30 years and he has no sex drive whatsoever so last time we had sex was 3 years ago ish. I use to initiate it all the time but since I stopped there’s nothing happening. Feeling a bit jealous of you ladies.

We used to be like rabbits. We have 2 teenagers and are almost 50. We are down to twice a week. We are tired.

Every day is quite a lot but then you are young. Even in your twenties it's quite a lot especially as you have been going out for 7 years. I have been married for almost 20 and I have it about twice a week

I really do feel so much better about myself for reading these replies, thank you!

We will need to have a frank conversation about it and come up with a fair compromise. I do really enjoy sex when we have it but I would like there to be no expectation on a daily basis, or to worry about him being bored / find me boring if I don't fancy it.

We're late twenties, have 2 dc, 4 and 8, been together 11 years, and do it 3/4 times a week. I have a higher sex drive than dh though

Do me a favour!!!

We've been together 23 years. High days and holidays for us!! I quite look forward to smear tests because it's nice for somebody to see it!
This has to be post of the day !

Oh wow I wish! Im in a very happy relationship finally after a lifetime of really bad ones. I feel very settled with my partner and always thought I had a normal sex drive... Every day/ every other day. When we first got together it was 3 or 4 times a day... Now I'm lucky if its once a month. I think we've maybe had sex twice since Christmas.. Not sure.. So that says a lot!
I do get frustrated sometimes and drop hints but have to admit to not really initiating as I always take it personal if it then doesn't happen.
However, we are affectionate with each other all the time and I hope he feels as secure as me so I don't feel like I need the sex to feel close like I have previously so it doesn't bother me.
I think it's about balancing each others needs and day to day life gets in the way all the time.
I've just turned 40 and he's 32, been together 18 months and he's got no. children although my 21 year old son still lives at home so it does make it a bit awkward sometimes.

God no, pre kids yes but we were a lot younger then.

Hell no!!!

I'd be happy twice a day depending on the type of sex. We tend to be weekend focused as too tired in the week and have work etc but can manage three times in a weekend. We tend to spend hours though not minutes so twice a day we'd be shattered and every day wouldn't be an option. We did usually once a day when we were first married though (now 20+ years later!)

I’d rather once a month but it’s a weekly ritual - I consider it a chore most of the time but I’m a good actress and weekly is enough for him. In our 40’s though and together 20+ years.

God no! That would be horrible to me.

2-3 times a week usually.
God I wouldn't be able to handle it if he wanted it every day! Regardless of the sex itself, just knowing that I've got to either do it or let him down, ugh, exhausting!

@lonelylou09, you’ve only been together 18
months and you’ve barely had sex since Christmas?! And he’s 32? There is a lot more to a relationship than just sex don’t get me wrong and the main thing is you’re happy. However, if you’re not then I would definitely sit him down and ask if there’s a reason he’s suddenly gone off it so early on. I think I’d want a compromise of at least once a fortnight (and I say this as someone who really can’t be arsed with sex)

I just think it’s a very short relationship for the sex to have dwindled.

@Hazysummers yes you may be right but it changed when he got a new job. He had to drive 1 hour to work, work a full day and then drive home. I mostly work evenings and weekends so it was like we were never getting time off together so we've got out of the habit. He prefers morning sex, I'd rather at night and make a bit more of it than a quickie before work.

My DH and I have been together for 22 years and it has gone up and down. Every other day or so at the beginning, then dropping to once every couple of weeks when the babies started coming. At one point when the third was a baby it was maybe once a month. He was miserable and it put a strain on the relationship, but I was exhausted.

As the children got older, though, and life got less draining my sex drive came back and now it's about twice a week, and we are both happy with that. (I'm early 50s and he is early 60s.)

So what I'm saying is that in addition to varying from one couple to another, your sex drive can wax as well as wane over the course of your life together. You have to find a compromise point if you have a mismatch now. And on a practical note: handjobs make a good compromise...

No. Been married 10 years, 2 DC (3 year old twins).

Probably once a week, on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less. If one wants it, but the other does, we've got no problem with taking some quiet time to "entertain ourselves", so to speak. ;)

I’m currently single but when I was with someone I wouldn’t want it all the time unless it was like you say, the honeymoon period. Tbh at the moment sexy repulses me, mostly down to my mental health but also it’s off putting when men think with their penises all the time. I’ve had bored lockdown messages off people saying look what you’ve done to me and getting pictures of their erections, really not attractive to me at all. I didn’t do that either to them haha.

It would just be a chore doing it every day, should be spontaneous and not planned, for when you both want it. It would be best though to tell him what you’ve said here then it doesn’t lead to resentment on either side down the line.

Hell no! Ain't nobody got time for that!!!
Seriously though, been together 20+ years, normally get happy about two times a week pre -lockdown. DH has tried to up it since lockdown started but I think that is because he can no longer go to the gym (he used to go daily) and he is using me for an additional workout.... that could be a whole other post !
Do what makes you comfortable.

Dh would probably love it daily but no, 1-2 a month. He used to moan but accepts it now. I don't like it when there is any chance the teen is still awake and we have a toddler who climbs into our bed to sleep at about 10-11pm each night so that limits it somewhat

Every day! Dear God, I just couldnt live with that. Doesnt it get boring to do it that often?

I've always wanted to ask that of those in steady relationships but never quite plucked up the courage to face the wrath

I have the attention span of a sparrow. I have to rotate the men in my life: ought to perhaps consider revolving doors post lockdown