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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:
RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 12:03

@Prettybluepigeons

Not a single person saying the op should cut her trip short, has answered my question about how he is going to watch the match safely while staying within the law. Anyone care to answer?
Well it’s not really the point is it, because the OP hasn’t raised it as a concern. Had she done, that might be different, or if theres some other relevant reason for her not wanting him to go eg her parents’ reaction. However we can only go on the info in the Op which has nothing to do with covid and everything to do with him “prioritising football over family”.

It’s impossible to answer without knowing the detail. It’s possible to do it within the law - at our house, no problem at all to sit on the patio, open the bifold doors, and angle the tv just inside the doors so you can watch. So it would be an outdoor gathering and legal. However possibly OP’s husband is planning an indoor gathering of 50 people and yes that would be unreasonable - but we don’t know that and it’s not what the OP has asked.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 12:08

Why the assumption that it's "loads" of men. For me this would be 2 close friends, all of us having dreamt of this occasion since we were children.

TBH I'm glad my team didn't make it this year, I'd have been absolutely gutted to finally make it and then miss out on the Wembley experience, which may well never happen again for small clubs like these. That's bad enough but then to miss any kind of "making the most of it" experience too....

cologne4711 · 07/07/2020 12:12

Of course he can watch it with friends @cologne4711**

Not in accordance with the guidance he can't, unless they sit in someone's garden with a TV. You can't be inside unless they're from two households only and with a pregnant wife he should be sticking to the guidelines.

But it would be really nice if the OP would come back and say why they can't adjust the timing of the trip if she wants the full week with her family.

And those of you saying you couldn't fit behind the steering wheel when you were pregnant, did none of you have to drive to work? I never had that problem but ds was only 6.5lb when he was born!

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 12:20

"Is he nearer to 5 than 35?"

Yeah, because wanting to do something with your mates is something we should all stop when we turn 18. FFS.

Chloemol · 07/07/2020 12:21

Well he can drive home on the day of the match, stay there overnight and drive back the next day

user1495884620 · 07/07/2020 12:23

And those of you saying you couldn't fit behind the steering wheel when you were pregnant, did none of you have to drive to work? I never had that problem but ds was only 6.5lb when he was born!

It's not so much the size of the baby that's the problem, it's the height/leg length of the adult. If you are very short and have the seat forward so you can reach the pedals, it doesn't leave a lot of space, if any, between belly and steering wheel.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 12:27

I'm guessing OP isn't so heavily pregnant that this trip coincides with or is very close to the due date.Wink

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 12:32

I actually sympathise with OP not wanting to drive 6 hours when heavily pregnant. Though for my part I couldn’t have done the journey even as a passenger when heavily pregnant so I guess we are all different.

ilovesooty · 07/07/2020 12:37

This thread has certainly brought out the usual condescending comments about football and those who enjoy it.

If it's the playoff final he may never experience this again.

If her family doesn't have Sky Sports he won't be able to watch it there.

It's reasonable in my view to want to connect with like minded people.

He's asking for a compromise, not to ditch the whole trip.

And football is rather more complex than 11 men kicking a ball around.

thedancingbear · 07/07/2020 12:40

7 days with the in-laws? Fuck that.

Do people on here realise that life in a relationship is supposed to be enjoyable? It's not meant to be about week-long penances to the OH's family.

I personally don't 'get' football fandom but swap with best friend's baby shower, or your favourite band reforming and playing a one-off gig (or anything else you care to substitute) and see how it looks.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 12:41

Yes ilovesooty, if it were any other interest the refusal to even try and understand why something is so important to someone you love , or even just to accept that it is, would be considered outrageous.

Original poster
custardcat85 · 07/07/2020 12:48

Just to clarify a few things...

He informed me this morning that the match may not even happen Hmm. It is a playoff game so I appreciate the comments regarding such a match. I clearly hadn't realised how big of a deal it would be for him were it to happen. So that has given me some perspective. Thanks @UltimateWednesday.

We are staying with my sister while we are away. She lives alone, has been furloughed and following social distancing rules etc. Given current guidelines, we are allowed to created a bubble with our household and hers.

To answer another question, the match would fall on the 7th day of his 14 days off. Due to his nightshift and how long the drive is, this is why we couldn't have a full 7 days as per original plan.

In terms of watching the match and adhering to social distancing...I have no idea. DH said he wouldn't go to the pub but to his mates house to watch it. There will be about 5-6 of them and he said they would still stick to distancing guidelines. In this particular friends house that will be impossible so that is another point of contention.

At this point I don't see the point in arguing over something that may not even happen. Obviously lastly night I was unaware of that and thought it was an actual fixture. As it stands at the moment, he will either drive home for a day or two, or just not come with us at all.

OP posts:
Bartlet · 07/07/2020 12:48

Yep. The football haters are really sticking the boot in here 😃. I don’t like football but I would be understanding if it was something important to my partner and would want to work out a compromise - not least because I acknowledge spending 7 days with in-laws is torture.

Do all these posters slagging off the woman’s partner and criticising his interests think they are being helpful? If you don’t want to be with someone who is football crazy then that’s valid but don’t get pregnant and then try to change them.

TypingError · 07/07/2020 12:48

And those of you saying you couldn't fit behind the steering wheel when you were pregnant, did none of you have to drive to work?

Yes. But there came a day when it was impossible to reach the pedals without squashing the bump against the steering wheel. Fortunately had friends to help out. It was only for a month or so anyway.

susandelgado · 07/07/2020 12:52

Up pop all the men to mansplain how important football is, and how op is being VU to deny him the chance to watch it 🙄

Original poster
custardcat85 · 07/07/2020 12:55

Also...the trip is not spent entirely with family. God no! We do things on our own as a family, DC see their friends and other grandparents, I see my friends etc. It is the only time we all go back to our (mine and the DC) hometown as a family. DH enjoys these trips as much as I do. It is something we all look forward to and I assure you not something I force him into.

OP posts:
UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 12:57

susandelgado I don't think anyone who's attempted to explain why some peope find different things important to you here have been men, that's a really sexist assumption.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 12:58

Who are these men? I’m not a man as should have been clear from my posts talking about being pregnant recently. I don’t know the sex of others who have taken the same view as me of the game.

So incredibly sexist to assume anyone who likes football is male.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 13:00

@custardcat85 thanks for the clarification. If it’s the championship play offs which I assume it is then yeah, who knows what’ll happen there so sensible not to worry.

It’s still an important game but for the teams likely to be involved in it maybe not once in a lifetime. Him driving home for a day or two seems like a sensible compromise.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 13:02

Yes, the Championship play off not quite such a one off big occasion but still an important game.

thedancingbear · 07/07/2020 13:04

Up pop all the men to mansplain how important football is, and how op is being VU to deny him the chance to watch it

This is a massively gendered assumption. Bit ironic give the poster is clearly trying to make a feminist point

goatley · 07/07/2020 13:11

I'm on the fence here.

DH is a football fan. If I want to book us a trip I will ask him what the match schedules are and avoid any which are home games. He doesn't go to 'away' games.

It's his only hobby so I couldn't begrudge him that. Just the same as we plan trips to fit in with my races and events. It's fair.

But in this instance :

  1. the schedules are only just out so not much advance planning possible
  2. 7 days staying in someone else's home is already 3 days too many.
  3. He could watch it on tv. Pay per match is likely a possibility if your family member doesn't have sports channels.
  4. You can't force his hand either way

but 5) he should stick to plans which are already made. It's pretty rude to want to leave due to a social event.

Sorry - no help there whatsoever Confused

MrBennsshop · 07/07/2020 13:11

@susandelgado

Up pop all the men to mansplain how important football is, and how op is being VU to deny him the chance to watch it 🙄
I'm not a man. What a narrow, sexist view.
ilovesooty · 07/07/2020 13:14

@susandelgado

Up pop all the men to mansplain how important football is, and how op is being VU to deny him the chance to watch it 🙄
Who are the men posting? Is it beyond your comprehension that there are female football fans?
sadannie · 07/07/2020 13:15

Depends what it is - if it's a playoff game I think YABU. Football is very important to some people and I wouldn't miss the game if our trip was easily moved