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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 06/07/2020 23:35

Fuck that. Tell him to to do one.

jellybeanz1212 · 06/07/2020 23:38

Tough! He can watch it on TV.

negomi90 · 06/07/2020 23:43

He can watch on TV or if he's that desperate he can go home for the day to watch with friends and come back, while you stay with your family (and reflect on that fact that he's a git)

BackforGood · 06/07/2020 23:43

How about he watches it on TV wherever you are staying, and has his mates on zoom (or similar platform) for the banter.
It's not like he is going to be able to have all his mates literally in the room with him anyway, is he ?

lanthanum · 06/07/2020 23:47

I can imagine that watching it on his own might be a bit disappointing - any chance you and/or your family could show a big interest in watching too - perhaps make something of the fact that this is your chance to share in the excitement without having to cope wth the crowds/get babysitters. Even if you hate football, there would be your compromise.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 07/07/2020 02:39

You may want to open his eyes to parenthood.... no blooming football for a while!

INeedNewShoes · 07/07/2020 03:05

In the normal scheme of things I'd have not even considered saying I was ok with this but with football having being cancelled for the past few months and people not being able to gather I can see that it's a pretty big deal to be able to watch the match with his mates.

Why would you need to come back with him? Just leave it to him to travel back for the match and then rejoin you.

Who knows what next season is going to look like and whether matches will be played and social gatherings will be happening in winter. Coronavirus probably hasn't finished meddling with our lives yet.

timeisnotaline · 07/07/2020 03:58

I guess cutting down my time with family on pre baby trip who presumably you don’t see that much and won’t happen more once baby is here would not be ok. Is this the only possible match he can watch? Or is every match more important than you seeing family? Which is not a great sign for someone who will be dad to a baby soon! (He will probably say all this shit about wants to do it while he can but most likely means wants to do it now and keep doing it)
I assume the op has to come back with him because reasons like one car, 6 hours driving while pregnant?

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 04:20

Can’t really comment unless I know what football match it is. Eg if he is an Oxford United fan and wants to watch the play off final, I think that’s fair enough as it’s a massive game for him and he will want to make an occasion of it.

If he’s an arsenal fan and wants to watch a mid-table league game which has no real consequence for him then that’s different.

You still get 4-5 days with your family which is a decent stretch.

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/07/2020 08:15

I'd tell him he can do it as long as it doesn't affect my plans. So still go up to parents on the days originally planned and if he wants to drive back for the match for a night or two then come back then fine, but no way would I let it affect my time with my family.

Is this the only thing he wants to do as his own plans for the whole 14 days off? I have some sympathy that it's been so hard to plan things at the moment, when opportunities do come, I'd try and be flexible and compromise.

heartsonacake · 07/07/2020 08:17

YANBU. Family before football, end of.

CherryPavlova · 07/07/2020 08:21

Tell him to compromise and drive there and back in a day. He can go. You can stay with your family. He can come back to collect you.

Bartlet · 07/07/2020 08:40

All these posters advocating telling him tough and that she should veto it. You do all realise that the OP isn’t his boss or mother and she does not get to tell him what to do - only ask.

He probably thinks he is already compromising by spending 4-5 days with your family. I assume that you knew that he was heavily into football before you got pregnant so this can’t come as a shock to you. Only you can decide whether you try to put your foot down and tell him no but it may not end up with you getting what you want. You can’t change people even by pulling the pregnancy card.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 07/07/2020 08:43

Sadly now you know where his priorities are op...
Be prepared for his behaviour to continue in it's man - child state..

DestinationFkd · 07/07/2020 08:45

I'm with your OH on this OP. Nothing gets in the way of my football, not even family.
You're still having plenty of time with your family.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 08:48

What is the match? This is very relevant. If his life long love is in the play off final for the first time ever, it's bad enough that he cant be there because of Covid but (quite literally) heartbreaking to miss it altogether.

If it's a Premiership game with the title already decided that's different altogether.

I've done it actually. We were in the playoff final at Wembley on the first day of our booked family holiday. A small club I've supported since childhood who had never played at Wembley before. DH and DC went as planned and I went later by train and met them there.

Does DH need to be with your family for the whole week, could you go as planned and he join you later? TBH spending a whole week with the in laws probably isn't particularly attractive anyway but to miss something that's important to you to do it....?

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 08:50

"I don't want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day" But you think he should sacrifice something that's clearly important to him so you can avoid it? If that's your argument, really?? Surely that's the best time to spend 6 hours in the car if you're tired and will sleep?

Macncheeseballs · 07/07/2020 08:53

What a surprise, obsessive sports fan putting their needs before everyone else

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 08:56

Or "others" not being prepared to understand that something else is important? The man is already driving 6 hours to spend a week with his wife's family. Even if that is reduced to 4/5 days of his precious 14 days leave it's hardly putting himself before everything else.

DestinationFkd · 07/07/2020 08:57

Rubbish @ Macandcheeseballs
There has been no football for the last four months and her OH has now got two weeks off work, presumably he has been working throughout the pandemic.
He wants to spend a bit of that time relaxing and doing something he really enjoys for the first time in months.
The OP still gets to spend 5 days with her family, he gets to spend a couple of hours watching a match.

TypingError · 07/07/2020 09:12

Surely that's the best time to spend 6 hours in the car if you're tired and will sleep?

Not whilst heavily pregnant. It's hard enough to get comfortable in a car, let alone sleep. And it's advisable to get out and walk around regularly.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 07/07/2020 09:14

@DestinationFkd

Rubbish @ Macandcheeseballs There has been no football for the last four months and her OH has now got two weeks off work, presumably he has been working throughout the pandemic. He wants to spend a bit of that time relaxing and doing something he really enjoys for the first time in months. The OP still gets to spend 5 days with her family, he gets to spend a couple of hours watching a match.

Why are you pretending like there’s not been football on constantly for the last 3 weeks.

If he supports a Premiership team - which I’m guessing it is - this will not have been their only game.

He can watch it on the bloody telly. It’s not a big deal. No reason to cut short a trip.

Macncheeseballs · 07/07/2020 09:18

No-one is suggesting he can't watch the match, just not with his mates, and if it's just 2 hours why can't he forgo seeing his mates for 'just 2 hours'

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 09:19

This is why it's important for OP to say what the game is. I agree if it's a regular Premiership game, but I don't see anything here to "guess" that's what it must be.

cologne4711 · 07/07/2020 09:19

He can't watch it with friends anyway at the moment. Unless someone has an outdoor TV (lucky lucky neighbours if so).

However, ignoring that, could you move the trip so you go after the match? Or can your family not accommodate that?

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