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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:
UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 09:22

It's the difference between going to a concert on your own and going with a group of people with an equal and significant interest in the event. Why are peope so determined never to understand that sport (or friends) can be important?

DestinationFkd · 07/07/2020 09:22

3 weeks isn't 4 months.
Why should the OP not compromise!
If it was my OH my message would be fuck off and visit on your own if I only had two weeks off work, and was expected to not only give half of that up to spend time with the in laws, but expected to give up my match too.

DestinationFkd · 07/07/2020 09:24

Of course he can watch it with friends @cologne4711

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/07/2020 09:27

I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise.

Yeah, I'd have to agree with him there.

heartsonacake · 07/07/2020 09:30

There are some really silly people on this thread who seem to think football comes before family because they “have a love of the game”. Grow up.

Quite honestly I don’t even know how these football/sport obsessives end up with partners Confused

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 09:35

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness I don’t think it is a premiership game - the fact he texted OP at work to “tell” her about it (which I have to say isn’t great communication) yesterday suggests to me it might have been a game he didn’t know about, hence why I thought it might be a play off game. No point in us all guessing though because OP could just come back and tell us!

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 09:37

Take the football out of it and imagine it was a one off opportunity to see your favourite band? We still don't know why this game is important.

TBH, even imagine you were expected to spend half of your annual leave with ILs and sacrifice anything that was important to you.That's what seems unreasonable to me.

He's suggested a very reasonable compromise. It's not like the trip's cancelled. OP can always go without him.

DestinationFkd · 07/07/2020 09:37

Yeah, yeah @heartsonacake we've heard it all before.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 09:38

@heartsonacake What a ridiculous and sour faced post. I have 2 children under 3 and do most of the childcare because my husband works such long hours. I still watch a lot of football because it’s possible to be a good partner and a good parent while also enjoying football.

Of course football doesn’t come before family - he’s not suggesting cancelling the trip.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/07/2020 09:44

Quite honestly I don’t even know how these football/sport obsessives end up with partners

I'm unsure how people who are so controlling of what others can and cannot enjoy end up with partners, but it takes all sorts

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 09:45

If he's an Oxford or Wycombe fan that game is huge for both those clubs. Enormous. You would be vvvv unreasonable not to let him have that once in a lifetime occasion.

pussycatinboots · 07/07/2020 09:51

it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at

If your parents have a TV which I'm guessing they do he's being a prick.
His friends are presumable not in your "bubble" and are going to have beer and not social distance.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 09:53

@UltimateWednesday

If he's an Oxford or Wycombe fan that game is huge for both those clubs. Enormous. You would be vvvv unreasonable not to let him have that once in a lifetime occasion.
I think from the timing of him raising it, it is this game and if so I totally agree with you it’s unreasonable to make him miss it for the sake of an extra couple of days with family they are already seeing for 5 days
TheFlis12345 · 07/07/2020 10:10

Yes if it’s Oxford v Wycombe at Wembley it will literally be the biggest footballing moment of his lifetime. I have friends who support both teams and they are besides themselves with excitement.

Prettybluepigeons · 07/07/2020 10:12

The 7 day trip to family has been planned....with family. They live far enough away that this has all been planned in advance. If they are anything like my family, everything will have been mapped out, menus planned, day trips, visits from relatives etc

So now the op has to say to her family that the trip has to be cut short, and their plans together cancelled so her dh can watch a football match...on tv?!
No way! She can say that its really important that they all watch the match together on the tv but its not ok to change the plans.

Bartlet · 07/07/2020 10:17

To all these people saying no way. Would you really tell your partner what they can and can’t do?

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:18

Love all the people insisting that he can watch it there because parents will have a TV.

Only if the parents have Sky Sports and if they do have that kind of interest in sport they will absolutely understand why it would be unreasonable not to let him have this occasion.

It's not "just" a game if it's the one I think it is. And like all the precious moments in life it's the people you share it with that really matter. Being "allowed" to watch it with people who won't even try to understand why it's important really isn't the same as watching it with people who care as much as you do.

pinkgin85 · 07/07/2020 10:20

My husband is an absolute football fanatic but even he wouldn't try to be this selfish especially if I was pregnant, sorry OP I hope you can come to a compromise x

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:21

I'm actually feeling furious for him. Can you honestly say it would be even half way reasonable for him to expect you to miss a once in a lifetime occasion with your friends for the sake of a couple of nights with his parents?

pinkgin85 · 07/07/2020 10:23

Whose saying he has to miss it? I thought football matches can't have spectators so it has to be on the tv right? So he won't be missing it, if he was going to watch it live then that would be a different situation and I could understand his view.

Darkestseasonofall · 07/07/2020 10:25

Oh come on he's already going to your parents for 5 days, which is a lengthy enough visit to fit lots in.
This is his last hooray before the baby comes, let him enjoy it

Fairenuff · 07/07/2020 10:25

If I was spending 7 days with my inlaws (love them to bits but 3 days is enough thanks) and I wanted to do one thing that I really loved and looked forward to on one of those days, I would think my DH unreasonable not to compromise.

I would suggest he either travels back on his own for the day/night or you cut your trip short. Anything else YABU imo.

heartsonacake · 07/07/2020 10:26

@UltimateWednesday

I'm actually feeling furious for him. Can you honestly say it would be even half way reasonable for him to expect you to miss a once in a lifetime occasion with your friends for the sake of a couple of nights with his parents?
“Once in a lifetime event”? 😂😂 It’s a few grown men kicking a ball round a field 😂 Happens every day up and down the country.
UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:28

Whatever the game is, I guarantee it's not on the BBC so it's not quite as simple as insisting he can watch it there, even if you do ignore the fact that sharing your club's big moments with fellow fans is really quite important.

yellowfishestoyou · 07/07/2020 10:30

People saying he would be missing out he wouldn't be when he could watch it on tv. I'm sure someone from his partners family likes football enough to watch the game with him and have a few beers.