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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2020 11:04

@UltimateWednesday

OP could always make her own travel arrangements that aren't dependent on DH
Yeah selfish op, why not just catch the train during a pandemic, heavily pregnant and with two children and all the luggage sohe can stay home and watch football.
Quartz2208 · 07/07/2020 11:05

What is the current guidance for pregnant women though and social distancing as I am not sure how he could watch the game with friends and stick to that.

Cant be in a house - too many people

and surely with a heavily pregnant wife going to a pub is not a good idea?

OP how exactly was he planning on watching it and making it work.

Could he figure out a way to Zoom his friends when it is on?

weebarra · 07/07/2020 11:06

I've had a season ticket for a Scottish premier team since I was 11. DH has a season ticket for another team. I would and have completely understand if there was an important game he wanted to go to. Our teams' games are very rarely on tv anyway.

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 11:08

But it is watching something on TV? There are no live games? I mean, I get it, if I had to miss something I was looking forward to (my equivalent would be a concert I suppose), I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't force the rest of my family to facilitate it for me if it was going to massively inconvenience them.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:09

I don't remember pregnancy preventing you from driving.

TypingError · 07/07/2020 11:09

Would you really tell your partner what they can and can’t do?

Not in the usual way of things. But in this case he's committed to visiting her family, and is now telling her that she must cut it short. So he's telling her what she can and can't do.

OP is not telling him what he can and can't do. She is pointing out a commitment he's already made.

TypingError · 07/07/2020 11:12

“Once in a lifetime event”?

I know. FFS.

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 11:12

I love my inlaws but 7 days with them would drive me fucking insane. It's not like the bloke is asking for the entire trip to be called off, just for a bit of give and take so both people can do what they want.

Y'know, like a compromise. Like what grown-ups do rather than stamping their feet because they can't get their own way. The fact that it's 'just football' is utterly irrelevant.

Shoxfordian · 07/07/2020 11:14

He does seem unreasonable, why can't he just watch it there? I know its not with his friends but he's not 12

SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2020 11:14

@UltimateWednesday

I don't remember pregnancy preventing you from driving.
Assuming she already drives, assuming she feels happy doing so heavily pregnant. I couldn't have fit behind the wheel when i was heavily pregnant
Phineyj · 07/07/2020 11:14

You can drive when you're pregnant of course, but in late pregnancy you're going to have to stop to wee pretty often so a 6 hour journey would be a lot longer - presumably he'd be expecting her to take the kids as they're hers not theirs. So it turns something doable into something that's a real hassle. If he doesn't want to spend a week with in-laws he shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place? Then she would have known where she stood at least. Also, did you all miss the part where he has 14 days off so 7 more to do with what he wants?

Thurmanmurman · 07/07/2020 11:15

Are there no footie fans in your family he can watch it with?

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:15

Do OP's parents have Sky Sports? She doesn't say so and she also hasn't said he'd still be able to watch it there.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2020 11:16

I love my inlaws but 7 days with them would drive me fucking insane then he Ashill have said that when they made the the plans. Not agreed and then tried to get op to cut her trip short when he got a better offer

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:17

@Phineyj

But it is watching something on TV? There are no live games? I mean, I get it, if I had to miss something I was looking forward to (my equivalent would be a concert I suppose), I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't force the rest of my family to facilitate it for me if it was going to massively inconvenience them.
I am not saying it’s inaccurate he will be watching on tv, but it kind of dismisses the importance. Like saying re the journey that the OP is just required to sit on her arse for 6 hours - it’s true but it doesn’t reflect relevant context such as the fact she will be uncomfortable due to being pregnant etc

If it were your favourite band you had never seen live and they were reuniting for a one off concert that would be the equivalent. And in that case if you would prioritise an extra 2 days on a 5 day trip to your in laws over seeing it then fair enough but I can really see where OP’s husband is coming from.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:19

Yes his mistake was agreeing to go at all, he should definitely never do that again Grin

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:20

Also I hate watching football where I have a vested interest in the outcome when I’m in polite company. It’s incredibly tense, and I want to concentrate on the game and show emotions, not stand on ceremony and have to make small talk with in laws. Assuming they even have sky sports, as ultatewednesday says

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 11:20

"Not agreed and then tried to get op to cut her trip short when he got a better offer"

The point being, she still gets to see her family for 5 days. And he could get to watch his match which he wouldn't have known about when the trip was originally planned. Everyone wins.

Or she can put her foot down and when SHE asks for a bit of take, he can tell her to GTF.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:20

Sorry I mean ultimatewednesday

ilovesooty · 07/07/2020 11:21

@UltimateWednesday

If he's an Oxford or Wycombe fan that game is huge for both those clubs. Enormous. You would be vvvv unreasonable not to let him have that once in a lifetime occasion.
I agree with that. It's a possible once in a lifetime event. It's not as if he's refusing to drive to the family visit or refusing to give up any of his time.
Goingdownto · 07/07/2020 11:21

He's making it clear how he will be going forward. My dh missed my birthday last year to see a football game. It's like a religion. Will he attend his child's birth if it falls on the day of the game?

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:22

@Goingdownto

He's making it clear how he will be going forward. My dh missed my birthday last year to see a football game. It's like a religion. Will he attend his child's birth if it falls on the day of the game?
Oh come on
gutentag1 · 07/07/2020 11:23

A compromise would be him watching the game on tv at your parents'. What an arsehole.

Goingdownto · 07/07/2020 11:24

Give and take? OP is about to have his child which will massively curtail her own life for at least the early days. Years with a clingy child.
I don't think she needs to be storing up brownie points with her partner.

Goingdownto · 07/07/2020 11:24

Rooster do you think that is an unrealistic point? I can assure you it's not.