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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:

TypingError · 07/07/2020 11:25

I couldn't have fit behind the wheel when i was heavily pregnant

Indeed. If I had the seat far enough back to fit, I couldn't reach the pedals.

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 11:26

It's pretty sad really as you can see what's going to happen to this couple post childbirth, can't you?

Nottherealslimshady · 07/07/2020 11:27

I'd let him drive home to watch football then come back to you the next day I wouldn't be cutting a pre planned trip short because something he would rather do has come up.

Quartz2208 · 07/07/2020 11:27

I think though if it is the Wembley match and fans were allowed in then it would be very different because that would be a once in a lifetime

However this isnt and cant be like that and I dont really see how with Coronavirus and having a heavily pregnant wife he is going to be able to safely watch it with his friends anyway in person

OP how is he suggesting he watches it and where what is his plan for doing that

MrBennsshop · 07/07/2020 11:28

@TypingError

“Once in a lifetime event”?

I know. FFS.

I'm a football supporter and when my team got to a play off final at Wembley, it was indeed a once in a lifetime event. And one of the best days of my life.

Those of you saying just watch it on TV, presumably that's what he will be doing anyway, since all football is currently behind closed doors. If the in laws don't have a sports subscription, am assuming he wont be able to watch it there.

If it is a one off match, and he's a life long supporter, then I'd compromise to make sure he didn't miss it.

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 11:30

Yes, I would miss something equivalent to me in these circumstances because I wasn't brought up to dump a prior commitment when I got a better offer. Especially if the thing was televised so I wouldn't have to 100% miss it. You know what's actually a once or twice in a lifetime experience? Having a baby...

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:31

@Goingdownto

Rooster do you think that is an unrealistic point? I can assure you it's not.

Yes I think it’s ridiculous. I love football. I would want to watch this game (if it’s what we think) and would think it’s worth missing 2 days of a 7 day trip for. That’s proportionate. Missing the birth of a child is totally different to missing 2 days off a week long UK trip. That would be a far bigger deal and disproportionate.

Maybe there’s a backstory and he is a total arse but you can’t read that into the fact he wants to spend 5 days with her family but then watch an important football match.

FinallyHere · 07/07/2020 11:33

I really don't see the issue here. He takes her to her parents, spends a day or two, drives back to join his friends for the match and arrives back at her parents in time for a rest and take them all home.

Sounds perfect to me.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 11:33

@Phineyj

I know it is. I had one a month ago. That’s got literally fuck all to do with this as presumably she isn’t giving birth on this trip (all being well).

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:34

Unless he's Oxford and was watching football in the 1980s (as an expectant father probably not old enough?) neither of these clubs has played a game even remotely close to this in importance in his lifetime. How else would you describe "once in a lifetime"?

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:35

"Phineyj

Yes and if he was proposing missing that he probably would be unreasonable.

ConkerGame · 07/07/2020 11:37

Well OP you’ve unfortunately learned your lesson too late - football fans have the priorities of a 10 year old boy.

You probably shouldn’t have got pregnant by him if you didn’t have the same priorities but bit late for that now!

Just tell him he can drive back down for the match if he wants, as long as he then drives back up to pick you all up for the return journey home.

But this only solves the problem for this one situation. Longer term you’re going to have to think about how to make him realise that family should be coming first...

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:40

FGS "learned her lesson". Shes managed to have (almost) three children by him and hasn't mentioned that he has ever done this before. It's a huge game that a man, who in usual circumstances is happy to spend a week with her parents, desperately wants to see with his mates. He sounds awful.

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 11:41

She hasn't got 3 children with him. She has two from a previous relationship.

Prettybluepigeons · 07/07/2020 11:41

Not a single person saying the op should cut her trip short, has answered my question about how he is going to watch the match safely while staying within the law. Anyone care to answer?

Marketgarden · 07/07/2020 11:42

Which part of asymptomatic transmission does the OP not get? Spending two hours with friends, which will be indoors no doubt and unlikely to involve social distancing.

Even Boris Johnson, the mysoginist he is, would not advocate this.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:45

We don't know how many friends so quite difficult really.....

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 11:45

"Longer term you’re going to have to think about how to make him realise that what his wife wants to do should be coming first."

Fixed that for you.

How about, what makes everyone happy should come first.

They are still visiting the OP's parents, it's not like the entire trip has to be cancelled.

It's a pretty inflexible attitude to life if people can't enable what every member of a family would like to do, and it's pretty clear that it's because it's 'just football' that many people are taking this attitude.

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 11:46

"Anyone care to answer?"

Move the TV outside, perhaps? Not hard to imagine.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:50

On the basis that OP is prepared to go and stay in another household, I don't think Covid is her biggest worry.

OK, I got it wrong about the children but that makes him a man who, under usual circumstances, is happy to drive 6 hours with someone else's children to stay with someone else's parents for a whole week. Now, due to unforeseen circumstances (no one would ever have predicted this play off line up or the date) he wants a day for something that is really important to him.

Soubriquet · 07/07/2020 11:51

I hate football with a passion but I think yabu

He’s asking for one day out of 2 weeks

Welcometothe36to40Box · 07/07/2020 11:56

@Soubriquet 1 week, not 2 and involves OP having a 6 hour drive after a full day, whilst heavily pregnant

Quartz2208 · 07/07/2020 11:57

@UltimateWednesday I disagree presumably these are her parents for whom she can know exactly where and how they have seen and keep within guidelines

Not a load of drunken men for whom SD is likely to go out of the window during the match and for who she has no idea who they have seen

Exactly how he is going to do it does need to be addressed. CV is the elephant in the room with all of this

What is his compromise - if he is willing to drive her there then drive home and come up with a workable plan of staying safe then he needs to say that not just I am going to do it. That isnt compromising at all

MaeDanvers · 07/07/2020 12:01

@Prettybluepigeons

Not a single person saying the op should cut her trip short, has answered my question about how he is going to watch the match safely while staying within the law. Anyone care to answer?

Well, if in England, I expect in a beer garden or somewhere? Or at a 'socially distanced' bar now the pubs are open again?

(not that I think it's a good idea personally to be out at a pub bar right now, but it is legal if in England.)

SirGawain · 07/07/2020 12:02

He doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends.
Is he nearer to 5 than 35?

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