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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to reschedule our trip to fit around a football match?

163 replies

custardcat85 · 06/07/2020 23:31

Exactly as the description says really. DH has just text me while at work to say we need to move our trip as there is a football match right in the middle of the week we are due to be away. We are traveling across country (6hours) to see my family so not like we are going abroad. However, this would mean that my time with my family is cut down from 7 days to 4-5 days.

His reasoning is that it's not really cutting down time as we can still drive there very early and have a full day doing things then on the last day drive home late after a full day. I will be very heavily pregnant when this happens so do not want to spend 6 hours in the car after a busy day. I don't think I am being unreasonable at all, especially as it's a match he will watch on TV and can't even be at. He says I am being selfish because I'm refusing to compromise. He says he has 14 days off and only wants one day to do his own thing, he doesn't want to watch it while we're away as he wants to be with his friends. He doesn't see the issue that this one day is right in the middle of our planned trip. I guess I'm just upset as I feel he is prioritising football over our family. I have 2 older DC and am pregnant with his first child. Maybe I'm being hormonal about it but I feel like he needs to grow up.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 07/07/2020 10:32

For me the biggest issue is that he's wanting to change existing plans that he has made with you and your family by cutting the trip short, effectively affecting everyone.

But I would have no issue with him making it so that he can attend the football get together with his friends without it impacting heavily on your family . So you still arriving and leaving the same days you have arranged and him taking himself off for a day or two. That way, you are still there as planned and he has the compromise of getting to do what he wants. If he could arrange it logistically, it wouldn't bother me.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:34

yellowfishestoyou can you really not see that sharing something that's important to you with friends who've had the same lifelong commitment to it is really not the same as sharing it wih MIL? Grin

Livpool · 07/07/2020 10:34

This wouldn't bother me. He is still visiting family with you - nothing wrong with wanting to do something he wants to as well.

I am a football fan though

MzHz · 07/07/2020 10:37

Maybe he doesn’t want to be tied to 2 weeks with your family, it’s a tough ask most of the time.

I would compromise tbh, life is too short to be petty about one thing he wants to do*

*as long as he doesn’t have a history of being a complete tit all the time and making demands that he doesn’t reciprocate...

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:37

"“Once in a lifetime event”? 😂😂 It’s a few grown men kicking a ball round a field 😂 Happens every day up and down the country.""

Haha, that's like saying there are milions of other parents all over the country so why do they need to travel 6 hours to see these?Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2020 10:40

It isn't just moving it though, he's asking her to cut the trip short and to do two long days either end despite her being heavily pregnant and tired so he can scream at the telly and drink beer!

Prettybluepigeons · 07/07/2020 10:40

But how is he going to watch it with friends while still staying within the law anyway?
You can't have a horde of people gathering together, shouting and hugging like you could in the old days. Its not safe or legal.

The op is pregnant. Her dh engaging in that behaviour could put her at risk.

He can watch it on TV at her families house.

SwedishK · 07/07/2020 10:42

Is there actually women out there who will forbid their partners to do something they want to do? Do you get treated the same way by your partners or your best friend or anyone else who you love?

Nobody is the boss in a relationship. Everyone needs to do what makes them happy in life, it's too short not to.

If you are with somebody sensible they will not want to make your life miserable and if they do, get them out of your life. In this case, the husband taking 24 hours out of 7 day trip to his in-laws to do something he really wants to do surely can't be that big of a deal. OP is still with her family, with her children and she doesn't have to spend any extra time in the car. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are joined at the hip.

newyearnoeu · 07/07/2020 10:44

Tbf spending seven days with your partner's family is a LONG time, don't really blame him for wanting a break, and missing a

Would you be as annoyed if it was a big birthday celebration he wanted to go back for, or a marathon he wanted to enter, or is it just that you think it's "only" football it doesn't matter, in which case maybe reassess. I hate football and can't for the life of me understand the attraction to watching it but I can understand that other people feel differently and don't get judge at what is/isn't a "worthy" past time.

BoingBoingyBoing · 07/07/2020 10:45

He's right. It's pretty selfish not to compromise. OP still gets to do her trip and spend time with her family, why can't she be a bit flexible?

RJnomore1 · 07/07/2020 10:45

It’s your family not his? Go when you want if you want, he’s joining for the majority of the trip, fair enough.

You want to be with your family, he would rather be with his friends. Why doesn’t he get what he wants too?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2020 10:45

In this case, the husband taking 24 hours out of 7 day trip to his in-laws to do something he really wants to do surely can't be that big of a deal. OP is still with her family, with her children and she doesn't have to spend any extra time in the car. but op is expected to sacrifice 3 days with her family against her will?

SwedishK · 07/07/2020 10:49

@SleepingStandingUp

In this case, the husband taking 24 hours out of 7 day trip to his in-laws to do something he really wants to do surely can't be that big of a deal. OP is still with her family, with her children and she doesn't have to spend any extra time in the car. but op is expected to sacrifice 3 days with her family against her will?
The obvious compromise is that he leaves for 24 hours or however long he needs to watch the game and spend some time with his friends and then comes back and takes the family back home at the end of the 7 day trip.
countrygirl99 · 07/07/2020 10:49

7 days with family? I can understand why he wants to cut the trip short

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:49

OP could always make her own travel arrangements that aren't dependent on DH

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 10:54

It's not controlling to expect someone to honour a previously made arrangement, for which you're doing half at least of the driving, and which involves a number of other people and which due to pregnancy/distance, can't be repeated soon, in order to watch something on TV.

Prettybluepigeons · 07/07/2020 10:55

She's going to very heavily pregnant! She's got to make her own way home so her dh can watch football on a different telly?

What if it wasnt a trip to see family? What if it was a holiday abroad? Would he be justified in coming home 3cdays early to watch a match on telly with his friends?

Phineyj · 07/07/2020 10:55

It would cost her hundreds of pounds to get a train that kind of distance at short notice and there are 2 kids to travel as well (presumably).

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 10:58

It depends what the game is but if it is the game I think it is, then yes, people really do need to understand it isn't just another game. This is something you've dreamed off your whole life, if you've supported the club since childhood.

SimonJT · 07/07/2020 10:59

Wonder how many posters would happily spend that long with their inlaws Hmm

Can’t he just leave the ‘holiday’ early and then pick everyone else up when they want to go home?

I’ve got a holiday cottage booked in August, rugby starts back that week so I’ll be driving back home to watch if my team happen to have a game. I’ll also be driving back home for a day if the team I play for are playing, which is unlikely. This is the UK we’re talking about, its unlikely someone would need to drive more than 4-6 hours to get somewhere, so not exactly a long of difficult journey.

RoosterPie · 07/07/2020 10:59

phineyj the fact you dismiss it as “to watch something on tv” shows you don’t really get it..

Assuming of course it is an important game, which OP hasn’t returned to clarify.

Bibijayne · 07/07/2020 11:00

Surely a compromise would be, they go up as planned and he goes back to watch the game in the middle of the trip and then comes back to join OP and family afterwards.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:00

If it is "just another game" then of course he's wrong but I'm assuming OP wouldn't have had 3 DC with that man and TBH I also doubt that man would have agreed to spend a week with her parents in the first place.

Come on OP, tell us what the game is.

Prettybluepigeons · 07/07/2020 11:00

But ultimate....nobody is saying he can't watch it!

He can watch at the family house.

There is no way to watch it with friends that is safe and stays within the law anyway!

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 11:02

Actually, probably, he can't watch it at the family house, it won't be on Freeview! But as I've explained this is an occasion to be shared with like minded people (if it's the game I think it is)