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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect husband to stop contacting a woman who once falsely accused him of rape?

150 replies

Chrissiemcghee · 06/07/2020 17:12

Twelve years ago (4 yrs before he met me) my husband had a fling with a girl who accused him of rape when he ended the affair. She admitted to police next day she made it up. They stayed away from one another. I found out today they’ve been messaging each other. I’m livid. I feel she’s a dangerous person getting in the middle of a family, but he’s dismissing my concerns. AIBU asking him to stop contact?

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 06/07/2020 17:13

Why on earth would he want to speak to someone who has done that???? Is he mad?

ShebaShimmyShake · 06/07/2020 17:14

What are they talking about? What does he want to know?

Sally872 · 06/07/2020 17:16

Why are they in contact? Can't think of any acceptable reason he would need to or want to.

purplecorkheart · 06/07/2020 17:16

Why on earth are they in contact? I would be furious if I were you?

user1965785412 · 06/07/2020 17:18

Was she convicted?

FTMF30 · 06/07/2020 17:21

Whowas having the affair? In any case, YADNBU but it speaks volumes that he is in contact with her.

ComDummings · 06/07/2020 17:23

He’s either an idiot or he’s having an affair with her

Spied · 06/07/2020 17:24

I'd be very, very, very uncomfortable.
Why is he messaging her?
Even if she hadn't accused him of this why is he messaging a woman he was with years ago?

PumpkinP · 06/07/2020 17:25

Why would he want to talk to her again?

Original poster
Chrissiemcghee · 06/07/2020 17:25

No she got her wrists slapped but not convicted for wasting police time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chrissiemcghee · 06/07/2020 17:26

I am!

OP posts:
mintich · 06/07/2020 17:26

What the hell are they talking about?

YouDirtyMare · 06/07/2020 17:29

I think it’s a very dangerous road for your husband to go down
It would be utter stupidity to carry on

Iwalkinmyclothing · 06/07/2020 17:29

What do you know about this that isn't based on what your husband has told you? Can you verify his version of events with an independent source? Because if I had been falsely accused of such a serious crime there is nothing that would lead to me making contact with them 12 years later, nothing at all.

I feel she’s a dangerous person getting in the middle of a family

Interesting... why do you think she has instigated the contact and why do you feel she is 'getting in the middle of a family'? Have you seen the messages?

Int

MissMudskipper · 06/07/2020 17:29

Why on earth would he want to be in touch with her after what she did?! Has he explained why the communication? I'd be livid!

BumbleBeee69 · 06/07/2020 17:41

Sounds like he is definitely seeking her out OP... and if a RAPE accusation was not enough to deter him contacting her ... I very much doubt having 'a word' will stop him... Confused

dworky · 06/07/2020 17:41

@Iwalkinmyclothing

What do you know about this that isn't based on what your husband has told you? Can you verify his version of events with an independent source? Because if I had been falsely accused of such a serious crime there is nothing that would lead to me making contact with them 12 years later, nothing at all.

I feel she’s a dangerous person getting in the middle of a family

Interesting... why do you think she has instigated the contact and why do you feel she is 'getting in the middle of a family'? Have you seen the messages?

Int

Exactly this.
Standrewsschool · 06/07/2020 17:48

Have they been messaging all this time or recently?

Why would you want to keep in touch with someone who accused you of rape? Is he trying to get her to explain why she did it after all these years?

Who initiated contact, him or her?

Has he said why they are in communication? Has he shown you the messages?

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 06/07/2020 17:51

They still have a connection I assume.

cantsaynotocake · 06/07/2020 17:51

I don't blame you for being cross
Could maybe after all these years she's reached out to appologise and he's responded to make peace with the situation? I can imagine it was so tough x

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 06/07/2020 17:53

@Iwalkinmyclothing

What do you know about this that isn't based on what your husband has told you? Can you verify his version of events with an independent source? Because if I had been falsely accused of such a serious crime there is nothing that would lead to me making contact with them 12 years later, nothing at all.

I feel she’s a dangerous person getting in the middle of a family

Interesting... why do you think she has instigated the contact and why do you feel she is 'getting in the middle of a family'? Have you seen the messages?

Int

I was wondering this as well.

OP, do you know for sure that she confessed to the police the next day that she had made it up? Or are you just taking your husbands word for it?

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 06/07/2020 17:53

I would not speak to someone who accused me of rape when I was clearly innocent. I would be very concerned about someone who would.

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 06/07/2020 17:54

Either way OP your husband is batshit crazy to be talking to her.

Flittingabout · 06/07/2020 17:56

I assume you have not been told the truth about their relationship or how it ended or what went on with the Police.

listsandbudgets · 06/07/2020 18:00

Only way he should be communicating with her is if there is a legal reason he must. Otherwise he's best off with her out of his life. .YANBU