AIBU to expect husband to stop contacting a woman who once falsely accused him of rape?

[Chrissiemcghee]

Twelve years ago (4 yrs before he met me) my husband had a fling with a girl who accused him of rape when he ended the affair. She admitted to police next day she made it up. They stayed away from one another. I found out today they’ve been messaging each other. I’m livid. I feel she’s a dangerous person getting in the middle of a family, but he’s dismissing my concerns. AIBU asking him to stop contact?

He is crackers. Does he have some kind of death wish?

Wow definitely need to sit him down for a chat with full message disclosure. Something odd here

Either:

1. The rape accusation wasn't false.

1. There was no rape accusation.

He's back in contact with her and now that you've found out, he is dismissing your concerns, so he still likes her.

She's not the root of your problem, he is.

did someone just say their ex was rapey?

sorry i think im going mad

op this isnt normal no-either hes lying or hes being thick

@Chrissiemcghee

Are you going to provide any more information?

He's an idiot .

1. How do you know there was a rape

Accusation, The day later dropped?

1. How did you find out they were messaging?
2. I bet my Season 10 Friends DVD collection your DH is up to no good.

@BankofNook

Therefore the whole 'she accused me of rape' was just a fairy story told to explain any mention of OWs name and to distract.

And it re-emptively covers his arse if she ever decides to contact his wife and spill the beans because then he can pull the shocked innocent face "oh my God! Now she's lying about us having an affair too! This is just like that time she falsley accused me of rape..."

Only around 2-4% of rape allegations are suspected to be false. The number that are actually false will be even lower. Just sayin'.

This was my thought, too.

I think it highly likely that if an allegation was made, the police just didn't take it further due to lack of evidence, not that she actually said it was a false allegation.

And if he's talking to her now, there's something going on that's dodgy.

I wouldn't trust this bloke, at all.

Taking the rape allegation out of the picture for a moment - most people would find it completely unacceptable that he contact someone that he had an affair with

YANBU. This sounds fucked up on so many levels.

I wouldn't trust your husband as far as I could throw him.

The rape accusation is a huge huge red flag, and that alone would concern me.

Also, you say this was 12 years ago, 4 years before you met him. He was having an affair with this woman, so I take it that he was in a different relationship at the time?

People who cheat, tend to do so more than once. Have you been suspicious of his behaviour with anyone else?

OP can I recommend you make a Clare’s law application either through 101, online or at your local Police station. It might provide you with some answers as to your partners past history.

@StrandedStarfish I imagine they only say anything if the bloke is convicted. Most dodgy types don't even get reported unfortunately, so not having a conviction doesn't mean a bloke is ok of course.

I sure they can advise if an allegation was ‘No Further Action’

So where has op gone?

@Deadposhtory

So where has op gone?

Maybe she murdered her husband and has been busy clearing up the evidence?

Are you okay OP?

And it re-emptively covers his arse if she ever decides to contact his wife and spill the beans because then he can pull the shocked innocent face "oh my God! Now she's lying about us having an affair too! This is just like that time she falsley accused me of rape..."

This is exactly the point I was trying to make. But OP has disappeared it seems....

Very tasteless if this isn't true

It is true, and I haven’t disappeared, I’ve been dealing with it. I contacted her and told her to back off and I sat him down and told him it was not on. I’m not going to go into it all but he’s had his card marked.

Wow you really got to the bottom of that OP. Well done.

But what were they actually discussing? I don’t understand. Why did you contact her?