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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get this driver fired?

267 replies

TinyPigeon · 05/07/2020 11:01

DAILY MAIL AND SUN ARE FACIST SCUM

Help me think this through.

I had an Argos delivery this morning which came early while I was still in bed. I stuck my head out of the window and asked the driver to just leave it on the step and I would get it in in a bit. I thought he would leave it and drive away as others have.

I brought the baby downstairs and settled her and then went to bring the parcel in, so a couple of minutes later. I opened the door and the driver was still there. I apologised because I didn't realise he'd be waiting for me. But also cringed because I was still in my nightshirt and had been feeding Dd so it was fairly unbuttoned.

Obviously Id thought he was gone and was just grabbing parcels off my step so wasn't super bothered about dignity.

However I just got a text from a private number saying "Hi thank you for putting a big smile on my face for the rest of the day your a beautiful woman xx".

I'm really grossed out. There's noone else it could be. I'm freaking that this man knows where I live and annoyed that he has saved my number. What should I do? I don't want to lose someone their livelihood. I'd told DH how friendly he was Envy

Can I complain? Should I?

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 05/07/2020 16:53

I was ready to say that it's probably his job to wait to see it taken in because otherwise if the parcel wasn't there he would be blamed.

Bollocks. All delivery drivers leave parcels on the doorstep and simply go when I stick my head round the curtain and give a thumbs up. The DPD driver snaps a quick pic of the parcel on the doorstep.

The fact he explicitly ignored the OP's instructions about leaving the parcel, then illegally used her phone number to make an unwelcome and irrelevant comment about her appearance, says all you need to know about it. The only thing he should have used his phone for is to take a picture of the parcel with her door visible in it.

chrislilleyswig · 05/07/2020 16:53

@MadameMeursault

Just discussed this with DH to get a male perspective. He’s grossed out and we both say definitely report. What his employer does with the info is up to them. If he gets fired it’s not you that got him fired, it’s his behaviour. And he can’t spell “you’re”!
All hail the make perspective

There's enough female intelligence on here to evaluate the situation

I'm. It sure why we need your DH's view Hmm

tigerwhomadethetea · 05/07/2020 16:56

This is a depressing read. Assuming the ones defending the creep in question are most likely women too.

BillywigSting · 05/07/2020 16:59

Report him.

Men get away with shit like this because it isn't called out. Because 'reporting is a bit extreme'.

No. It's not.

If he gets the sack that's on him, and perhaps he will think twice about sending gross messages to women he doesn't know.

And perhaps if the men he knows find out he got sacked for such behaviour, they might think twice too.

If it's never actually called out, it will never actually stop.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 05/07/2020 16:59

The OP cannot 'get the texter sacked" she can only report her concerns to his employer, who will take the appropriate disciplinary action.
Who knows - he may have previous warnings for inappropriate behaviour? If he doesn't, he would probably receive a warning not be sacked.

WendyHoused · 05/07/2020 17:12

I was all prepared as other PP to say YABU, because the ‘cancel culture’ and calling people out is getting into a purity spiral.

But YANBU - this is illegal, creepy as fuck and deeply inappropriate. Breastfeeding mothers don’t exist to titillate passing morons.

He’s using personal data illegally, he’s bringing the company into disrepute and he needs to look at his attitude towards women.

Babyroobs · 05/07/2020 17:21

@WendyHoused

I was all prepared as other PP to say YABU, because the ‘cancel culture’ and calling people out is getting into a purity spiral.

But YANBU - this is illegal, creepy as fuck and deeply inappropriate. Breastfeeding mothers don’t exist to titillate passing morons.

He’s using personal data illegally, he’s bringing the company into disrepute and he needs to look at his attitude towards women.

How would he have known op was breastfeeding ?
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 17:24

How would he have known op was breastfeeding ?

That's what you get stuck on?

Never mind the breach of GDPR, breach of privacy , crossing boundaries etc. Hmm

canyoucallbacklater · 05/07/2020 17:28

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.

In a nutshell, you're a half-dressed new Mother with a literal babe in arms. You're in a very vulnerable position and he has completely overstepped every professional boundary going.

Report. Report. Report.

What if next time it isn't just a text? What a sleezebag.

Babyroobs · 05/07/2020 17:31

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

How would he have known op was breastfeeding ?

That's what you get stuck on?

Never mind the breach of GDPR, breach of privacy , crossing boundaries etc. Hmm

No not at all, I've previously acknowledged the GDPR breach is serious. But the previous poster made it sound like the driver was titillating over a bf woman yet there is no way he would have known that so it's irrelevant !
Alsohuman · 05/07/2020 17:31

Anyone want to join me in putting money on GDPR going in the bin next January?

Babyroobs · 05/07/2020 17:32

@canyoucallbacklater

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.

In a nutshell, you're a half-dressed new Mother with a literal babe in arms. You're in a very vulnerable position and he has completely overstepped every professional boundary going.

Report. Report. Report.

What if next time it isn't just a text? What a sleezebag.

Op said she had settled the bay before she went to the door, I don't think she said anywhere she had her baby in her arms has she?? Unless I've missed something?
NotMyTimes · 05/07/2020 17:40

@acatcalledjohn

Are you aware of the policy of every company which employs delivery drivers? I'm guessing not.

Some company policies are absolutely fine with just leaving parcels on the doorstep, sometimes with a photo. Some company policies don't allow this and actually say that the deliverer must ensure the recipient gets it by seeing them take in into the address (particularly for luxury and expensive items although we don't know what the OP was ordering). I don't know Argos's policy but if it is like this I don't blame him at all for not leaving, or alternatively leaving and taking the parcel with him as 'undelivered' to do otherwise would be not doing his job correctly as he wouldn't be following company policy and he could personally face repercussions for this.

This is no way excuses his massive breach of GDPR to creepy sexual harassment. He 100% deserves to be reported for that. But you can't blame delivery drivers for following policy to the letter in order to safeguard their own jobs. It would only take one person claiming it was stolen off their door step for management to reprimand and fire them for not following policy.

adele19788 · 05/07/2020 17:46

I'd feel incredibly vulnerable knowing this man knew where I lived
The right thing to do is report it however he knows where you live and if he loses his job what is to stop him from harassing you further
Either way it's disgraceful I really feel for you op

Venue20 · 05/07/2020 17:51

The male perspective. Give me strength. I mean if a man thinks it's gross then it must be. Us women cant decide that for themselves.
How the actual fuck can a man have a fucking clue as to how the op feels.
Im fucking mortified for the gowl that had to ask her husband.
Pls.

LadyofTheManners · 05/07/2020 18:07

You realise you are excusing a pervert right?
He has her number purely to inform her of he will be late or cannot make the delivery, or to ensure she is home. Not to send inappropriate messages to her phone.
She feels uncomfortable, therefore it is indeed pervy and sexual harrassment.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 05/07/2020 18:11

He looked up her phone number, not her medical records! There's no perspective on this thread - calling the OP a victim ffs. She got sent a text calling her beautiful - it's not like he sent her a dick pic.

Babyroobs · 05/07/2020 18:14

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

He looked up her phone number, not her medical records! There's no perspective on this thread - calling the OP a victim ffs. She got sent a text calling her beautiful - it's not like he sent her a dick pic.
Exactly. Talk about an over reaction. I understand the GDPR breach issue is more serious though.
Idontlikewednesdays · 05/07/2020 18:14

I’ll bet he seemed friendly! I would definitely report it. Argos will very easily find out whether it’s his number. If he’s text you like that he’s probably doing it to other women. There’s no way any company would want someone like that working for them, never mind out delivering to potentially lone females. I would be contacting the area manager. It’s disgraceful behaviour.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 18:55

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

He looked up her phone number, not her medical records! There's no perspective on this thread - calling the OP a victim ffs. She got sent a text calling her beautiful - it's not like he sent her a dick pic.
A breach is a breach. Tbh I consider my phone number a lot more important and private than my medical records.

We don't have to resort to the lowest common denominator "dick pics" to find this an invasion of privacy, a breach of data protection and sleazy/threatening.

You draw the line at dick pics, some women draw the line at any intrusion in their lives , particularly from a complete stranger, that uses his job to message women.

SurreyHillsGirl · 05/07/2020 19:08

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

He looked up her phone number, not her medical records! There's no perspective on this thread - calling the OP a victim ffs. She got sent a text calling her beautiful - it's not like he sent her a dick pic.
Exactly ! The crazies are out in force today, so many ott reactions. ‘Victim’ indeed, some posters need to have a word with themselves Hmm
isadoradancing123 · 05/07/2020 19:09

Its just a text, forget it. How is she vulnerable, he presumably didnt see the baby anyway so what has the baby got to do with it. There will be millions unemployed dont add another to it, he is just a pratt

Babyroobs · 05/07/2020 19:13

@isadoradancing123

Its just a text, forget it. How is she vulnerable, he presumably didnt see the baby anyway so what has the baby got to do with it. There will be millions unemployed dont add another to it, he is just a pratt
At last someone talks common sense on this thread.
Nanalisa60 · 05/07/2020 19:18

Yes report him and with any luck he will lose his job!! Because he has not been working all of lockdown so we Can all get our very important stuff from Argos. And of course there are some many jobs out there it won’t matter that you get him fired, I’m sure he will get a new job by next week.

Alsohuman · 05/07/2020 19:25

She feels uncomfortable, therefore it is indeed pervy and sexual harrassment

It’s neither. He’s not a pervert, he’s an idiot with no concept of boundaries.