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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister bought house and didn't tell me

351 replies

IndieRo · 04/07/2020 12:09

So got a what's app picture from my sister last night with a picture of her new home. We speak most days so I was shocked and hurt that she never mentioned it. She said due to Covid 19 they didn't know what was happening but it's a brand new house so obviously viewed it and got mortgage before Covid-19. I'm just really hurt. Am I being unreasonable to think she should have told me.

OP posts:
ReefTeeth · 04/07/2020 12:10

Wow, how did she keep that secret when you speak every day Shock

Yanbu to be upset.

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/07/2020 12:11

Does she run everything by you?

Like she said, she wasnt sure it would go through.

SeasonFinale · 04/07/2020 12:11

Viewings have still been taking place and also mortgages are pretty much all online applications anyway. So it does not not mean it has all been a long term plan.

Maybe she didnt want to get too excited, maybe she didnt want to jinx it. Maybe she thought her sister might be jealous and post about her online!

Freddiefox · 04/07/2020 12:11

I think it’s very strange and indicative of a deeper problem within your relationship.

heartsonacake · 04/07/2020 12:12

YABU. She wanted to make sure it was final before telling you.

Why would you be upset about that? Confused

Shamoo · 04/07/2020 12:13

YABU I think - maybe she didn’t want to jinx it, I don’t think it reflects on your relationship at all in its own. Are there other issues in your relationship?

Bargebill19 · 04/07/2020 12:13

I think she didn’t want to get too excited incase it didn’t happen- and then have to tough it out with other people offering their sympathy. At least that’s what I would do as sympathy from others always makes me cry!

WiseOwl69 · 04/07/2020 12:16

I like to keep things to myself and then share them when I’m done.

Just a touch of paranoia I’ll jinx things which is irrational I know.

Other thought which isn’t as nice... do you have a habit of criticising your sister’s decisions? If so she may have decided to present you with a done deal so she didn’t listen to your opinions on the house she liked.

I have friend like this. I’m sure she means no harm and thinks she’s being helpful, but listening to her shit on decisions I am halfway through making upsets me so I now just present her with the end product.

Ardnassa · 04/07/2020 12:16

I think it seems reasonable - perhaps she was a bit nervous about it and didn't want to count her chickens until they hatched? I have certainly done that about some big life decisions and choices - keeping it from people I was close to until it all panned out or I had made up my mind.

MollieMaeve · 04/07/2020 12:17

We’re in the midst of selling our home and buying another and we haven’t told anyone (not even my brother who I am very close to and speak to daily). I don’t want to tell anyone until it’s 100% a done deal firstly because I can’t be arsed with all the conversation about it if it goes wrong and secondly because I can’t really be arsed with conversation about it now. It’s one of those life events that takes over all conversation.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

CareBear50 · 04/07/2020 12:17

I'd be upset too OP unless there's another backstory here

WorraLiberty · 04/07/2020 12:18

Maybe she wanted to surprise everyone?

I'm not sure how you can turn her buying her home into being about you? Confused

Just be happy for her not 'hurt'.

Sushiroller · 04/07/2020 12:18

Def weird not to mention it. I'd be upset too.
Hard to say why he did it without context.

Do you own a home? Do you think she thought you might be jealous?
Or do you often give her a lot of unsolicited advice? Maybe she thought you'd be critical?

carorganiser1 · 04/07/2020 12:19

Yabu OP there's nothing worse than someone announcing they bought a house only to find out that they actually only made an offer!!! I never tell anyone until the deal is DONE!

sammylady37 · 04/07/2020 12:19

I did the very same with a sister of mine, albeit years ago, not during covid. I found the whole process of house-buying, applying for the mortgage etc very stressful and I didn’t want to discuss it with this particular sister as she is someone who would talk incessantly about it, nitpick and query every single thing and be critical too. So I told her when it was literally a done deal.

SpillTheTeaa · 04/07/2020 12:19

Odd thing to be upset about. Maybe she wanted to keep it to herself. People are allowed private lives even if you do speak everyday she doesn't have to run everything past you. Just be happy for her and forget about it

ChristmasCarcass · 04/07/2020 12:20

Did you know she was looking?

If you knew she was planning to buy a house and she just didn’t mention they’d put an offer in, YABU - maybe they weren’t sure it was going ahead.

If you had no clue she was even looking to move, then yes that is pretty weird.

SpillTheTeaa · 04/07/2020 12:21

And what's it being a brand new house got to do with anything? Surely you'd view any house. Are you more upset she got a brand new house OP? Is that what you're more hurt about?

ScrapThatThen · 04/07/2020 12:21

I applied for a new job and didn't tell anyone apart from dh and the dc until I was offered it. I think my family were a bit baffled, but like pps I don't like to go through the ups and downs with everyone or have to discuss it with them, I would have told them afterwards either way.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 04/07/2020 12:21

YABU to think she should have told you, but YANBU to be a bit bewildered and upset that she didn't.

dontlikebeards · 04/07/2020 12:21

How far through the process is she? Has she moved in? Then yes, it's a bit weird. Has she just had an offer accepted? Not weird.

dontdisturbmenow · 04/07/2020 12:23

Did she think you'd be upset? Or trying to dissuade you to do so?

Ughmaybenot · 04/07/2020 12:23

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable, but I understand why you feel the way you do. I tend to keep big things like that under my hat until it’s completed and a done deal too. It’s nothing against my friends or family, I just want to be sure before shouting about it... or texting about it Grin

Ernieshere · 04/07/2020 12:24

I did similar, I was so scared it wouldnt happen, I was doing it all by myself (apart from a toddler)

The application, the bank, the packing, the moving, the unpacking!

I couldn't believe it might be true, I might have some luck finally, so I kept it secret in case I failed again.

Waveysnail · 04/07/2020 12:25

Perhaps she wanted to suprise you?