Sister bought house and didn't tell me

[IndieRo]

So got a what's app picture from my sister last night with a picture of her new home. We speak most days so I was shocked and hurt that she never mentioned it. She said due to Covid 19 they didn't know what was happening but it's a brand new house so obviously viewed it and got mortgage before Covid-19. I'm just really hurt. Am I being unreasonable to think she should have told me.

[LightDrizzle]

She has told you! Once it was nailed on.
You sound high needs, maybe she didn’t want to have to manage that at a stressful uncertain time.

[IndieRo]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not jealous, I have my own home years and I also have a house abroad and a very comfortable lifestyle. She got the keys yesterday so yes she has moved in. I'm always very supportive of her, she's 7 years younger than me and when our parents split up I took care of her. I've always been there for her, godmother to her daughter, helped her move from rental properties previously, went in holidays together. I just think it's really sneaky if I'm being honest. I can understand not telling everyone but I'm her sister.

[MsEllany]

It’s either because she didn’t want to to jinx it and had thought it would be a brilliant surprise, or, despite speaking every day, actually she’s sick to the back teeth of you.

Only you can know that. What did she say when you asked her how she kept the secret for so long? Because if it was literally what she said in your OP I think you’re being daft getting upset.

[WaffleCash]

How far through the process is she? Has she moved in? Then yes, it's a bit weird. Has she just had an offer accepted? Not weird.

This

[heartsonacake]

Sneaky? How is it sneaky?

[notheragain4]

Buying a house is a stressful process as I'm sure you know, it doesn't feel real until you complete, maybe she was scared something would go wrong and jinx it? It's not like she's popped out a baby and just told you!

[WorraLiberty]

I just think it's really sneaky if I'm being honest. I can understand not telling everyone but I'm her sister.

OMG I can't believe I just read that!

Sneaky?? Seriously?

People do this all the time with house purchases/mortgage applications/job interviews/babies/driving tests.

She's a grow woman, not a 'sneaky' little child.

[namechangetheworld]

Are you more upset she got a brand new house OP? Is that what you're more hurt about?

Erm, nothing in the OPs post suggested that she's jealous of her sister. Sounds like you're projecting.

I would be hurt and confused too OP. Presumably you're close, if you speak every day. Did you ask her why she didn't mention it?

[Aquamarine1029]

I just think it's really sneaky if I'm being honest.

Sneaky? She didn't lie to you, she just decided not to tell you until the sale was final. Her buying a home doesn't have anything to do with you. I really don't understand what all the angst is about. Just be happy for her and respect that she had her reasons for keeping it to herself until it was finalised.

[titchy]

It's only sneaky if she needed your permission and did it anyway You don't have an automatic right to be informed of another adult's purchases if they don't involve you, regardless of how large they are and your relationship.

She probably didn't want to jinx it, or she looks to you as a mother figure and wanted to prove to herself she could do it without your help, or you have a tendency to interfere and she didn't want to have to keep telling you to butt out or a million other reasons.

[MollieMaeve]

It’s not sneaky to want privacy and keep something to yourself. It would be sneaky if she had bought a house she knew you were interested in and said nothing.

She’s allowed to have boundaries, sister or not. Maybe she didn’t tell you because she feels you are slightly over invested? (I don’t mean that unkindly)

[PinkiOcelot]

That’s surprising. She obviously doesn’t think you’re as close as you do.

[pigeon999]

I would feel confused and hurt too, it is very odd. Can you ask why she didn't tell you? I think I would have to talk to her about it, as it is very strange behaviour and it seems like there is more to it. I find it a little deceitful. Buying a house is a big deal for most people.

[WhySoSexist]

I'm buying a house and we haven't told anyone because the world seems to treat people like a failure if their sale falls through and so many are falling through because of Covid.
YABU. It's her life, her decision and her choice when to tell people. You have no right to know that she's buying a house, it doesn't affect you in any way. If anything, it's quite nasty that she's contacted you with such good news and your immediate response has been to find a way that you're the victim.

[Longdistance]

I think she wanted to surprise everyone too. My dB buys new cars regularly and rocks up in his new one, we take it for a spin.

Why would it be sneaky? Are you jealous?

[pigeon999]

You don't have an automatic right to know anything about her, no one is suggesting that, but if you are close you tend to share big news as a matter of course. It would be the equivalent of you moving overseas and posting about your relocation on line - of course you didn't HAVE to mention it, but out of respect you probably would.

[IndieRo]

I never interfere and she calls texts me majority of the time. I'm not overbearing or interfering as people are trying to imply. As I said I've supported her through everything else.

[4amWitchingHour]

Describing her behaviour as "sneaky" indicates you have a tendency to be overbearing or interfering, or that you at least feel an entitlement to know everything about her life. You don't. Only what she chooses to share.

[titchy]

@IndieRo

I never interfere and she calls texts me majority of the time. I'm not overbearing or interfering as people are trying to imply. As I said I've supported her through everything else.

And yet you thought she was being sneaky. Maybe think about that.

[pigeon999]

Do you think she might be making a point of striking out on her own?

If you have always taken care of her, maybe this is her way of saying she no longer needs you, she is independent and mature and can do things her own way.

[scrivette]

I do think it's a bit odd but maybe she just wanted to surprise everyone? How was she when she told you, was she telling you so you would be surprised/excited?

[heartsonacake]

I agree with others. Saying her behaviour is “sneaky” very much says you think you had a right to be told and that you interfere in her life generally.

[pigeon999]

There is a bigger message in her not telling you than the house.

[notacooldad]

I would assume one of two things
1 she wanted to do a big reveal and surprise you
2 she found the whole thing stressful and just couldn't be bothered with the hassle of talking about it.

I think the word 'sneaky' is a bit bizarre.

[Aquamarine1029]

As I said I've supported her through everything else.

She didn't need your support for this, which is a good thing, btw. She's standing on her own two feet and managing her life on her terms. That's something to begrudge?

You're making this all about you when it's simply not.