My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

[Coronasaurus]

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

@Atadaddicted incorrect again re the home. It’s not even close to that simple. Many many other factors come into play.

Why are you posting such incorrect info? Repeatedly.

Yes of course! Read my post

I say the courts will prioritise the children staying in family home over other considerations that may impact the parents.

I didn’t say that the courts will always rule that they must stay.

So tell me what I have stated as factually inaccurate

1. SM still exists. It does.
2. Some mortgage providers do not discount benefits and maintenance as income. They don’t. Nationwide being just one.
3. The courts will want to prioritise home stability for the children if possible even if Impacts one or both parent. This is true. It’s not cut and dry, but home stability For children is a front consideration. It is!

OP, as others have said make an appointment to see a solicitor as a priority.

Lots of posters are advising based in their own experiences or that of a friend/family member. They’re not legally qualified to give you the best advice for your circumstances.

For one thing, they haven’t ascertained which country you live in!

I thought by law when you had children under 18 the NRP had to pay or at least help to pay the mortgage. I have I not got that right.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I thought by law when you had children under 18 the NRP had to pay or at least help to pay the mortgage. I have I not got that right.

Have to say, I always thought this too

@Awwlookatmybabyspider No - the courts won't force someone to remain a homeowner for somewhere they don't live, and likely unable to obtain a mortgage on a property for themselves. If mortgage payments are factored in it'll be because there are other circumstances at play such as high earnings or getting to keep more of a pension in lieu of mortgage payments etc

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I thought by law when you had children under 18 the NRP had to pay or at least help to pay the mortgage. I have I not got that right.

No. Why would they?

@Awwlookatmybabyspider They have a duty to provide child maintenance- which can be used towards the mortgage but they have no legal obligation to pay the mortgage just because the children live there.

When thinking about whether you want to stay in the house, another thing to consider is renovations. Costs, such as a new roof or windows, can really mount up, and it's difficult to manage these if your income is relatively small (I know from experience). Not knowing the area where you live and what property prices are like, it is hard to know if selling up and downsizing would be an option, but starting to look and compare with rentable properties is a good idea as you might find you become more positive and excited about the options. It might be that you decide that you want to do a few jobs, maybe some delivering of veg boxes or something, and pet sitting, which can be done as and when, and a midday meal supervisor in a school, which could be more easily covered if you couldn't make it in one day, so that the pressure on you wouldn't be enormous, and there might be greater flexibility, should the children be ill, in working in this way. Perhaps on one of the other Mumsnet forums there might be good advice on part-time jobs. But, personally, I do think that, say, a retail full-time job with a commute would be hard if the company was really dependent on your turning up between certain hours.

@heartsonacake. So a parent can just buggar off start a,New life possibly with a,new partner she/he reaps all the glory while the resident parent and 'their' children are left in shit street. That doesn't fair not to mention right to me. Come on UK Government pull your finger out please.
You're quick enough hounding and pouncing on lone parents. Why does the absent parent get such a breeze.

[quote Awwlookatmybabyspider]@heartsonacake. So a parent can just buggar off start a,New life possibly with a,new partner she/he reaps all the glory while the resident parent and 'their' children are left in shit street. That doesn't fair not to mention right to me. Come on UK Government pull your finger out please.
You're quick enough hounding and pouncing on lone parents. Why does the absent parent get such a breeze. [/quote]
I’m not sure what you are advocating here.

It’s absolutely right that anyone can leave their husband or wife for any reason and start a new life.

England and most of the UK divorce law allows for settlements that make good career sacrifice and limits on how much a RP can work. England is widely recognised to one of the best places to get a good settlement. That’s why people go there to divorce. But a settlement won’t leave the other parent homeless or living somewhere he or she can’t have their children. And the RP will be expected to work as soo. As they can and to maximise their income.

It’s widely recognised that clean breaks are better and will be the first option where possible and affordable. Lots of reasons for this.

Either parent can be obligated to provide maintenance for children, accepting there are issues with enforcement.

I can’t believe no one has suggested a mortgage holiday which would be really helpful for the OP her ex and the children whilst they sort out the financials. Better than filling the boots of lawyers.

Several people have suggested a mortgage holiday.
OP still needs legal advice!

I was actually better off as a single mum
Working 3 days a week than I thought. Tax credits, and child benefit topped up my income.
He will have to pay child maintenance if he can't have the kids 50/50 and financially it might be better that he doesn't.
My dh has a my stepson 6 out of 14 so one day short of 50/50 and it costs 300 per month just for that one day less.

I'm advocating exactly what I'm saying, Lemon. I don't and I haven't minced my words and nor will I be taking them back.
It is a shit show the way the AP is given a easy ride. Whereby they can go off and live a life of Riley. Like I say if they (Government) can target a single mother I'm sure they can also target the NRP to help keep a roof over their child's head.
Nothing will ever change how I feel about it, so with out disrespect to you at all, please do not try it.

I haven't read all reply's.

Try to take on the mortgage if you can and see if he will transfer title deeds to your name so kids don't lose the roof over their heads.

There are some mortgage companies who take benefits and child maintenance as income. You might need to work part time as well.

You are both liable for the mortgage if it's joint. He can't just take on a rental he can't afford because he had a financial obligation to pay the mortgage. He needs to stay put until you can buy him out or house can be sold and you can take half the equity. Can he move in with his parents?

@Atadaddicted, why not stop using your circumstances to advise OP (or others) when yours are clearly not representative of the average divorcing woman.

You were clearly married to a very wealthy man. Lucky you. You had a legal background and probably access to a top solicitor to fight your case for SM. The SM + CM probably amounts to twice the average income in this country.

You appear very proud of having secured all that money. I personally will always have much more respect for any woman who relies on her income to support herself. It sounds like without your ex, you wouldn't fare so well. I'd hate crossing my fingers every month hoping the money is still being transferred.

@Coronasaurus. Please don't listen to people on here suggesting you've 'lived off' your husband for the last 7 years.

You are both responsible for half of the cost of raising your children and half their care. Until recently, you worked as a team with your H earning the money and you doing most of the childcare. Your contribution has saved you both huge childcare costs and removed a lot of the stresses dual-worker families face. Your youngest is very young.

Now you are no longer a team, you need to move towards a more 50/50 arrangement. Since there's probably no way your H will have to pay anything near 50% of what it costs to raise a child, even if he only has EOW, the best solution to protect your interests is shared care. Then he'll have to do 50% of the care and pay the children's expenses while they're with him. Just be aware that any other solution is going to leave you shafted, although I can see why you'd be reluctant to leave your children having been their main carer to date.

@Settlersofcatan, that's because benefits are based on "the amount the government says you need to live on" and salaries are based on the market/what the employer can get away with/national pay scales!

If people in low paid jobs didn't (effectively) get their rent subsidised by benefits, there would be no-one to do the low-paid jobs. The public sector and most employers don't pay any more unless you work in London itself. NMW is the same, whether you're in Brighton or Bradford, but rents aren't. And not everyone can up sticks and move to Bradford or Merthyr Tydfil, because there aren't enough homes there! Or jobs.

The whole system is a bit fucked, tbh. There are parts of Sussex where rents are higher than the Croydon, but the benefit cap is higher, because it's in London. A Croydon teacher or nurse will get a higher salary than one in Sussex, because they get London weighting, but housing and public transport are both cheaper (much cheaper in the case of public transport, it's astronomical here apart from Brighton buses).

Afterthought: I haven't actually looked at Croydon LHA rates since the uprating in April, but this was the case for 5 years up to then. It could have changed now though.

@LemonTT. English law, as it presently stands, allows a lot of NRPs to essentially 'divorce' their children as well as their partner. The only caveat is that they may (depending on whether they are employed/self-employed/can hide their income) be required to make a fairly low payment each month that bears no relation to the actual cost of raising the children.

Many absent fathers have effectively 'divorced' their children.

Spousal support after divorce exists in a small minority of cases but a clean break is preferred.

I wouldn’t personally want to rely on it anyway.

It doesn’t sound like the op is in the same position as atadaddicted anyway with a high earning husband.

in your position I sat down and made plan A, B & C on paper

I wrote down all outgoings and then calculated
maintenance from his wages
child benefits
any other benefits
my earning potential
any other income potential

by continuing to work I was able to afford to pay the mortgage and by being very careful with money was able to budget food and bills

I never asked for ex to pay mortgage just child maintenance at going rate and sorted the bills myself including mortgage

as time goes on wages increase and budgets decrease making life easier

sit down and work out on paper whether its viable - it probably will be especially if you work. as you've stated you'll also meet other adults and have a social aspect to your life

the great thing about working in retail is you could work Saturday and Sunday and get ex to have the children, which would negate child care costs

on the plans a, b, c id be looking at questions like

can I extend my mortgage by 5 years to reduce payments
can I take in students or foster children to increase my income - obviously not for everyone
that type of solution to my issue ad securing my home for the future