My husband left last week and he thinks his rent will come over our mortgage?

[Coronasaurus]

That basically, I've always been a sahm and he's always paid our joint mortgage. But he's now saying that when he finds a flat, as long as he can pay that nothing else matters 😕, even if it means me losing the house. He says that's ok as the kids can then go live with him! Please help? Can I stay in my home ?

@user1487194234

I divorced less than 4 years ago and I got SM

@thedancingbear

I didn’t say free half hours Don’t exist

I said that decent recommended well regarded solicitors don’t need to offer

It’s a sales tactic from sols in need of work

@Atadaddicted

I think you are in a bubble as the vast majority of people do not have ex-h on 150k plus 50k bonuses... perhaps that’s why your life is so sorted post divorce? Also sounds like you already had a great career and qualifications prior to becoming SAHM. I highly doubt this is the case for the majority of people.

@BadSmellsHelp101

Yes - my situation may not be common but it certainly does exist and in certain parts of the country, actually fairly common.

So it’s frustrating when posters say SM doesn’t exist anymore. When it does!

There are two incredibly young children here whose dad is clearly awful and who will likely lose their home, possibly need to move schools etc. I totally understand why the OP would be looking to work part time if she possibly could to be available to emotionally support her kids through this time. Then look at full time later, when they are settled and both at school full time.

Don't criticise her because she doesn't want to immediately jump into a full time retail job (which aren't exactly family friendly hours!).

@Coronasaurus, it's well worth you getting a job. If you earn more than £604 a month, the benefit cap won't apply so it could mean you get more in UC than if you don't work, plus wages as well, plus help with childcare costs.

Is it worth considering you renting somewhere and your STBX staying in the family home? You'd get extra UC towards the rent and the mortgage would be paid while the house is being sold, so there would be more left to divvy up. You'd need to run your options through one of the online benefit calculators though, as you wouldn't get less of your earnings disregarded if you were claiming for rent.

However, I also think you need to see the Shit-Hot Lawyer so beloved of MN to see what you might be able to get, and work out how much the CMS amount of maintenance would be.

I think it's a bloody scandal that a parent can decide to fuck off and cause their kids to lose their home. Imo they should be forced to live in the shittiest bedsit if that's what it takes for their children and primary carer to have a decent home. The stress and anxiety it causes is horrendous.

It’s a sales tactic from sols in need of work

We all need work otherwise we go bust. I'm recommended in the main legal directories, and have work coming out of my arse at the moment. Thing is, I've a team of five to feed and need to keep billable stuff flowing: this is harder work than the work itself iyswim.

This is how it works: most of the chunks of work that we turn a serious profit on are worth £5k-plus (I imagine divorce work is in that category). If you're not willing to give a client the grace of a short conversation with a potential client to facilitate that, to scope out the general issues, work out in broad terms what needs doing, and provide an estimate, then there are plenty of other lawyers who will.

This said, sometimes I can tell within a few minutes of a call that someone is never going to instruct us and that the thing is pointless as a sales opportunity. But I still keep going with the call and try to be as helpful as I can. Why? First, because I'm a decent human being and want to help people. Second, because I enjoy my job (these initial chats are often the most interesting part; I'm on MN because I can't face the stack of diary-management I've in front of me). Third, because there's the outside chance that the same person will be in a different place in five or ten years' time, and they'll remember that I was kind to them.

Does that provide you with a bit more of an insight?

Sorry, big cock up in this sentence, which should read
"you would get less of your earnings disregarded if you were claiming for rent".

^@thedancingbear

And you say you’re a solicitor in a city form and yet you start a thread about being knocked over by a motorbike and ask whether

My real concern at the moment is that I am going to get done (ie prosecuted) for mouthing off and giving this slimeball a gentle push in the chest.

Wouldn’t you know?!^

Fuck me @Atadaddicted, that was six years ago, and was the most traumatic time of my life. I spent six months in therapy because of that event, was diagnosed with PTS, and still have nightmares.

I'm not a criminal solicitor.

Sorry, but that is vile, and others will be able to see that.

I found getting employment 9 years after I left it relatively easy
Very much depends on the industry. If you're a nurse, yes after renewing your registration. If it was in IT, very much less so.

Also, what if your ex lost his job tomorrow and there was no more maintenance coming at all. Would it still be as good? Sounds like you've been financially fortunate so far.

@Atadaddicted

Sols offering free half hours need more work

Good sols come from recommendations. Both mine and my ex husbands did. Both superb.

Same as with sister and my aunt. All came from recommendations.

No free half hours! You wouldn’t get a free half hour from a nail technician. Why would you from a decent solicitor?!

This is a bit of a sweeping statement isn't it? Sounds like snobbery to me and not everyone will have people they trust who've recently instructed a solicitor in the field in question, will they? In fact. I'd say most won't, then what are they supposed to do?

The nail technician analogy is pretty redundant as well. I've never used one but having your nails done has far lower stakes than entrusting someone to guide you through the legal aspects of your divorce. For me, the 30 minute appointments were about seeing how I got on with the person. I saw 3, and 2 were pretty much identical in terms of the advice they offered but I felt a lot more comfortable with the one I ended up instructing.

@Coronasaurus

My mortgage is 950, I'll get about 850 uc if I don't get a job, but I want to get a job if I can....that way, if he gives me 100 a week maintenance, plus my wage I may just be able to stay

How much does your husband earn?

I think a natural first reaction is to want to stay in the house but honestly, my friends who have been through this have ultimately been happier moving. Yes, they grieved the house and the unfairness of having to move. But staying in a house that you really can't afford is worse than accepting it, selling and finding somewhere affordable. You don't want to only just be able to get by.

So sorry for you, it is awful.

I haven’t RTWT but you may have a good shot at staying in the house until the children grow up. Seek immediate legal advice (using the free half hour, if possible) and whatever you do, don’t move out. It may be a good idea to start thinking about jobs, at least PT.

Yes - my situation may not be common but it certainly does exist and in certain parts of the country, actually fairly common
You almost sound braggy about it. As said, your ex could have an accident, illness that means he can't earn what he is any lo get and that you having to go back to work ft and likely still not as well off as you are now.

I personally rather not depend on anyone at all.

In any case, OP doesn't not have career to fall into yet, so not comparable situations.

Probably because that equates to a salary of around £37000? Plenty of two parent families manage on significantly less than that, so not sure why UC would be so high

A big chunk of that could be for rent. The LHA for a 3-bed property where I live (not London) is now just shy of £1,200 a month. Loads of 2-parent working families qualify for help where rents are so high.

A single unemployed person renting and on UC is benefit capped now if they live in this area.

You are low, @Atadaddicted

Enjoy your life.

I think you and others will be able to see from my 9.40 post that I'm not bullshitting.

My suggestions...

1. Open a bank account in your name only if you don't have one. Do this ASAP. See 5.
2. Advise bank there is a marital dispute. Joint accounts will be put on hold. This stops one of the couple emptying the account and maxing out the overdraft, for which both would be liable. (I got stung with this. He took thousands and I had to pay..)
3. Advise mortgage lender of marital split. Should help you if there is a default on his part.
4. Get a job. At least 16 hours. Easier said than done.
5. Apply for tax credits / universal credits.
6. Make an official application for child maintenance.

^^ that will keep the roof over your head for now.

1. Get legal advice. They charge by the hour so suggest you have all your paperwork ready ASAP.
2. Try to stay amicable with the ex. It will make it easier. Again, sometimes easier said than done.
3. Get your head round the possibility you may have to sell your home. Maybe now. Maybe when your youngest is 18. Maybe never.

Good luck. Been there and survived it. 👍

I am low for thinking that someone proclaiming to give advice to a vulnerable OP in the capacity as a solicitor - is actually not a solicitor based on a thread they started explicitly seeking Legal advice - well ok.

“You’re low” is that what you say when a arguing legal cases

Enjoy my life? I do. I mean ups and downs but generally - yes, pretty content thanks

Then depending how much money you will get from the mortage, you wont be entitled to many benefits and the council wont pay your rent for you untill you have very little money left

Money from the sale of a home is disregarded for a year, which can be extended, if the money is to be used for the purchase of another home.

Even if the money from the sale isn't enough, with maximum mortgage, for the OP to buy another home, she could use it to buy part of a shared ownership property and get help from UC towards the rented part.