Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

[HereToLetOffBurdens]

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

Welcome to having a relationship with a man who has a child. If it’s not for you, then you need to split up. The child deserves better than to maybe feel that you don’t want her with you on holiday.

It doesn’t sound to me like you’ve even got the basics sorted with this relationship, never mind adding a baby to it.

You need to find a man that doesn't have a child.

@Idontlikewednesdays

Welcome to having a relationship with a man who has a child. If it’s not for you, then you need to split up. The child deserves better than to maybe feel that you don’t want her with you on holiday.

It doesn’t sound to me like you’ve even got the basics sorted with this relationship, never mind adding a baby to it.

Bollocks !!

The OP sounds really lovely but simply needs SOMETHING that shows HE is interested in her !! Nothing to do with 'not wanting the child on holiday' !! Stop bashing a woman who had an abortion because 'he wanted more time as a twosome' and then wanted to include his daughter !!!

... and HER to pay for it !!!

Don't pay for the holiday, he needs to pay for and look after his own child. If she;s going on the holiday he needs to pay for 2/3rds of it.
He really doesn't have any finer feelings does he?

Sounds like a bit of a selfish twat to be honest.

However, it does sound like you aren’t suited to a relationship with someone who has a child, which is fine, it isn’t for everyone.

I’m a single parent, I was due to go on two holidays this year with my boyfriend and son, I don’t go on holiday without my son as you can’t leave a five year old home alone. I would be covering all of my sons costs, if my boyfriend chose to spend some money on him thats fine, but if I felt he was spending too much I would say so straight away and I have done before. If he bought him clothes and it was more than a couple of cheap things then I would refund him the cost. A parent not adequately clothing their child is being neglectful.

My boyfriend has known my son for ten months, yes they play together, he has done little bits of babysitting if I have a zoom meeting etc. But that doesn’t make him in anyway responsible for my son. In 2,4,6 years etc then its slightly different. But when a partner has children you need to both set out clear expectations right from day one.

If he wants a nanny thats fine, he can put his hand in his pocket and pay for one.

Run for the hills

@lowlandLucky

You need to find a man that doesn't have a child.

Or maybe one who understands that you develop your relationship with a new partner for a reasonable length of time before introducing them to your child. And one who doesn’t expect you to subsidise said child. Or expect you to play happy families with that child shortly after pressuring you to terminate a pregnancy.

You sound far too lovely for this man. So far it appears that you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking.
You clearly have a kind soul, to be providing clothing for his child already after such a short time.
Find someone more worthy of you, do not settle for this man .

I wouldn't expect my partner of 4 years to pay for my children, although he does spilt the cost. But after ten months I think your dp being very cheeky.

He earns more than you do, but asked you to contribute towards the cost of his child's holiday?
I'm sorry, I think he's using you and is an arsehole.

I assume you are fairly young, you have a good career, you should be looking for a decent guy to settle down with (assuming that's what you want) and start your own lovely family.

Time to call tone on this relationship, 10 months in you shouldn't be unhappy. It doesn't get better, take it from someone who knows x

You’re a teacher and run a business and he runs a business and earns more than you - is he really tight? Why wouldn’t he buy his kids clothes to have at his house? Why can’t you have multiple holidays with all the money coming in. This just get weirder and reinforces my belief you should kick him to the kerb.

Absolutely leave him without any hesitation

Why is it your partner earns more than you but he can't afford to clothe his child or pay for her holiday?

FWIW The first time I went away with my partner and my two children (from my previous marriage) he offered to split the cost of the holiday with me. I was absolutely gobsmacked, I never expected him to fund my children like that and whilst I recognise his (ongoing) generosity like that, I certainly don't expect him to fund children that are not his own.

Move on, love, you can do better.

Jesus.

You shouldn't be with this man.

You absolutely shouldn't go on this holiday.

You should not be buying his daughter clothes, that's his job and her mother's job.

What are you even getting out of this absolute shit show of a "relationship"?

Why is it your partner earns more than you but he can't afford to clothe his child or pay for her holiday?

"can't" - or won't? I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds as though there's something seriously wrong here.

You deserve better than that. I would ditch him

As hard as it was having a child with this man would have been a bad idea.

I don't think this relationship will last.

If I had the chance again I would never get involved with someone with kids when I didn't have kids of my own.

OP, you should not be paying for any of his DD's holiday. I can't believe he has asked you to! What was he thinking?! 10 months in and he's already giving you a huge insight into who he is that most prats at least manage to keep hidden for a couple of years.
Thank him for being so revealing so early on and bow out.

I think if he really saw a future with you he wouldn’t have pushed for an abortion. From the details you’ve given it sounds like he’s not that into you.

He can fuck right off. He talked you in to having an abortion which has broken your heart because another baby didn’t suit him, and now he expects you to pay for his child to go on holiday? Yeah because that’s fair isn’t it?!

His child, his fucking responsibility.

@HereToLetOffBurdens

No, he earns more than I do as he runs his own business

Why does he want you to pay for half of HIS daughters holiday then?

i assume u dont live together-10 months youve been together 3 in lockdown and youre already buying his kds clothes

i dont think i met dh kids for about 6 months and ive never paid for their clothes or holidays

So what was your response to your partner when he asked you to pay towards the holiday for his child? It’s quite a bold thing to ask. Did he discuss with you if you would like her to come along?