Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

[HereToLetOffBurdens]

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

[MeridianB]

He’s showing you who he is and what he expects. None of it is good. Walk away and find someone kind who will be a real partner.

[bathsh3ba]

Another one who thinks there are a few red flags here. I certainly wouldn't be paying for his daughter and he's being insensitive when you've just had an abortion that it sounds like you weren't 100% on board with.

I would let him go on holiday with his daughter, book a short break for yourself and see if a bit of space brings you closer together or pushes you further apart.

[Pasghetti]

The holiday pay is a red herring. To quote a MN truism, he is showing you who he is. Listen.

[Giraffey1]

He didn’t want a child when you hadn’t even been on holiday together? But what about you, OP, what did you want?
You’ve barely been with him five minutes and yet you are being asked to make momentous decisions. And now he wants you to pay half towards HIS daughter? No, no.no!

[BurtsBeesKnees]

I think you've got a cocklodger on your hands. He doesn't want any responsibility with you, but he wants you to pay for his daughters holiday. Sod that... I think you need some time away from him to think about what's important to you.

You want someone who will want the same things as you and love and care for you. This isn't your current dp.

[QueenOfPain]

Get rid of him, your resentment about the abortion will only get bigger and bigger.

[dreamingmama]

You have so much resentful feelings towards him.
I'm sorry this happened.
I've been there too.

Re think this entire relationship!

[wildnightswildnights]

Ignore StudyBuddy's sanctimonious reply. 'But you knew he had a child when you started dating him' - so boring.

I really think you need to leave now and find someone free and ready to commit, who wants to have children with you and who doesn't make you pay for their children (if they have them). The fact he called you selfish for not paying says a lot about him, and the circumstances surrounding the abortion say even more. Get rid of him and find someone worthy.

[ChaosRising]

Not your child, not your responsibility.

If you share finances with your DP (I'm assuming not since you've only been with him 10 months), she should be paid for out of the household finances. If not, don't pay a penny; she's his daughter and he shouldn't be offloading his responsibilities onto you. Definitely agree red flag.

[Starlightstarbright1]

I couldn’t do this he earns more than you . He should be clothing just Dd if not him her mum.

Reading all you posted it seems you are fitting into his life - he does have a child so they are a package but you don’t need to support her . This is supposed to be the honeymoon stage - it really doesn’t sound it .

[Emeraldshamrock]

Time heals OP. I think you are better off moving on. You'll have your baby one day it is important to make sure it is with a good man.
I had a what I'd call a forced abortion one sided he totally duped me and we had been together years, it really took it's toll on me emotional but I now know he'd never have been any good.
He went on to have 4 with his wife who he left last Christmas.
I promise you'll learn and grow don't let it pull you down to feck your life up for years.
My heart was truly broken it was a long time ago, today I have 2 beautiful DC with a really reliable DP.
I never say this but if you need to PM during hard times please do. x

[sangrias]

I'm glad i'm not in this relationship. It sounds ridiculous.

[Bluntness100]

Op you need to seperate the two.

It sounds like the termination was the right decision, you didn’t know each other well enough and it was the wrong time,

However he’s an absolute and utter prick asking you to pay for his kid to go on holiday and calling him selfish for not wishing to. He’s the selfish one.

I’d end this, it’s not going anywhere good, I’m sorry.

[Devlesko]

Nobody has the right to force/coerce someone into having a abortion. I'm sorry he did this to you, that should be enough to leave him.

[OrchidJewel]

You are not selfish. At 10 months you should be going away together and he should be taking his daughter separately, it's not rocket science for him to see that, perfectly reasonable

[fascinated]

[quote Ellisandra]@fascinated that would be quite a basic interpretation.

The boyfriend wanted to terminate because it was too soon in the relationship, and for them to really know one another - and one single “for example” of that, was not even having been on holiday together.

The OP had a termination because (among other things) the father didn’t want a baby.

That’s a pretty good reason.

What is “very sad” is you having too limited intelligence to see that.
Even more “sad”, is you thinking judgemental crap is a valid contribution.[/quote]
It’s the emotion it evokes in me. It’s nothing to do with intelligence. But I’m fine in that department too, thanks. I find it sad and I’m entitled to my view.

[fascinated]

I agree that OP would probably be better off elsewhere, as he sounds insensitive with skewed priorities. I hope you find happiness with someone decent.

[UnshakenNeedsStirring]

I dont see red flags, I see Red BANNERS!! Get rid of him. I guess he pressured you into getting an abortion. He and his ex cant even support 1 kid, so he cannot possibly support another.
I think hes taking the piss asking you to pay for his daughter. Dump his sorry broke ass.
You deserve so much better.
Sending you hugs as I think you are hurting. I personally wouldnt be with this man. Hope you find the strength to do whats right for you.

[SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness]

He's not willing to spend money on clothes for his DD /not able to prioritise his spending / however you want to phrase it. The XP also can't afford to buy her clothes (does he not pay enough child support, is she just really bad with money, something else?) But he/they expect you to support them?

TBH if I was the XP in this situation, I'd be embarrassed to have the new girlfriend paying for my child's clothes etc. The fact that she isn't... well.
I'd be pleased with a gift from the new girlfriend for the child on Christmas & birthdays only. Anything more is pure CFery, from the pair of them, TBH.

[DemolitionBarbie]

Nevermind about the money, I'm concerned that he's rushing into making you part of his child's life before your relationship with him is on a firm footing. That's not good for the child or for you.

I think he's lazy and wants you to take some of the financial and emotional weight of parenting his child. It's massively insensitive as well, given the recent abortion.

[AnnaSW1]

To be honest it sounds like he's just using you.

[birdy124]

Omg thank god you got an abortion now you can RUN and not be tied to this shit for life.

[disorganisedsecretsquirrel]

@DemolitionBarbie

Nevermind about the money, I'm concerned that he's rushing into making you part of his child's life before your relationship with him is on a firm footing. That's not good for the child or for you.

I think he's lazy and wants you to take some of the financial and emotional weight of parenting his child. It's massively insensitive as well, given the recent abortion.

Yes. Well said !!

This EXACTLY!

[calmcoolandcollected]

He is manipulating your feelings for him, OP, and he is playing you for a sucker. I would bet he assumes you are desperate for a relationship.

What decent father expects his girlfriend of 10 months to pay for his child to go on holiday? Plus, if he is making good money, why is the mother of his child struggling to clothe her? He should be ensuring his daughter's mother has enough money to buy clothing for his child.

As others have suggested, these are red flags. In your shoes, difficult as it would be, I would break off the relationship.

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Noooo his daughter, he pays. Stop buying her clothes she has 2 parents. Sounds like your being used.