Page 7 | Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

Letseatgrandma · 03/07/2020 16:19

He definitely does not call the shots. I am very independent and have embarked on a very successful career as a teacher and run my own business. I did all this off my own back.

Bat.

Sorry.

It really does seem like he isn’t valuing you here and I certainly wouldn’t want to be treated like this. He is using you to fund a holiday for his daughter!

Do you earn more than him?

Original poster

HereToLetOffBurdens · 03/07/2020 16:20

No, he earns more than I do as he runs his own business

OP posts:

TimeWastingButFun · 03/07/2020 16:20

First sentence had 'Ditch him' written all over it. How can you ever get over being pressurised into an abortion when you didn't want one? He sounds awful.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/07/2020 16:21

Then he can afford clothes for his child.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 03/07/2020 16:21

@BluntAndToThePoint80

I’d also be concerned about a guy introducing me to his children with 10 months - far too quick for most children. How do you even know if it’s going to last by that point ?

What on Earth ?? Nothing wrong AT ALL with meeting his child after 10 months! Until you meet his child and see him in his real life as a parent - how can you possibly know if you want a long term relationship with him. Being 'just the two of you' is not remotely real life when kids are involved.

'Meeting his child' btw does NOT mean acting as quasi 'step mum' . Nor does it mean financing half her holidays and buying her clothes. It simply means spending sometime slowly getting to know her ...

I also cannot understand why he would be even talking about holidays when you are having to buy her clothes because her mum is struggling financially. A decent parent would be giving the mother adequate financial support to clothe feed and care for their daughter ... and ONLY going on holiday once that was done.

I smell DISNEY DAD... only he wants to 'spoil his princess' on your money !

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 03/07/2020 16:22

I wish I could make this text bigger, but GET RID OF HIM. I'm so sorry to hear about how he's treated you

LadyPrigsbottom · 03/07/2020 16:24

@HereToLetOffBurdens

No, he earns more than I do as he runs his own business

Why in heaven's name do you have to buy clothes for his dd then? Or pay for half of her holiday? Why can't he afford more than one holiday a year, if he makes more money than a FT teacher who also has their own business? Unbelievable! Honestly, I can't stress enough, how far and fast would run away from this guy and I HATE running.

TorkTorkBam · 03/07/2020 16:25

I chose to buy her clothes off my own back, purely because she needed some at his house and because her mom said she had our grown them, so I brought them and sent them to her moms house so she had some clothes for her.

That is a weird thing for you to do. Why did you think that was appropriate? Why did he let you?

BumbleBeee69 · 03/07/2020 16:26

Tell his Ex to find half their kids holiday then.... NOT YOU

ScreamingBeans · 03/07/2020 16:26

LTB.

He's got cocklodging user written all over him.

Leflic · 03/07/2020 16:27

If he’s said he can only afford one holiday this year then it’s no bad thing he wants to spend it with his daughter. Were you paying your share of the holiday?
I still think it’s wrong to ask you to pay half of his daughters share ( definitely sounds a bit like a cocklodger) but I don’t understand why you haven’t paid for the both of you to go away alone , if money is preventing him doing it.

Shinesweetfreedom · 03/07/2020 16:27

Is he having a fucking laugh.
You have not even had a holiday together and he wants to bring his child.
Er no.
And he wants you to pay half her holiday cost.
You must be joking.
Tell him to think again.
Seriously this will be a child centered holiday,not my idea of fun without having a child of my own,which you haven’t because he said

TorkTorkBam · 03/07/2020 16:28

Do you live together?

Leflic · 03/07/2020 16:29

Just read your update about the finances. He’s a twat.

Letseatgrandma · 03/07/2020 16:29

If he earns more than you, he can buy his own child clothes and holidays then.

Off his own bat.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 16:30

I chose to buy her clothes off my own back, purely because she needed some at his house and because her mom said she had our grown them, so I brought them and sent them to her moms house so she had some clothes for her.

Why on earth are you doing that when he earns more than you?

You are letting yourself be used op. Leave him.

unlikelytobe · 03/07/2020 16:31

So, he's saying no holiday if DD isn't invited and you pay half of her cost? No, absolutely not. Not at this early stage and especially as you've already kindly helped out with clothes for her and he's meant to earn more than you. She is his responsibility and it's too soon to act like a step mum. He sounds manipulative and insensitive.

A few questions: Is he skint? How old is the DD? Do you live together? (I presume not)

Veganforlife · 03/07/2020 16:31

Really don’t get shackled to this man ,no way should you be paying anything for his daughter,after 10 years maybe ,ten months ,you have a cheeky fucker on your hands

EmbarrassedUser · 03/07/2020 16:32

Please please dump him @HereToLetOffBurdens He’s not the man for you. A proper man wouldn’t treat you the way you’ve described and you don’t deserve it. Don’t waste any more of your time on this knob. Every day with him, you’re perfect man is out there at risk of being nabbed by someone else

EmbarrassedUser · 03/07/2020 16:32

*your

phoenixearthworm · 03/07/2020 16:33

@HereToLetOffBurdens

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

You say you agreed with the abortion so I don't see why you are blaming him for you feeling this way?

Either way the fact that you and he decided together that you would have an abortion is nothing to do with who pays for the holiday and if his daughter comes with you.

willowmelangell · 03/07/2020 16:33

You are clearly a loving and compassionate woman.

But this guy is just giving me all sorts of off vibes.

Where is the romance and moonlight?
He doesn't want to pay for his dd to go on holiday? He didn't buy her clothes when she clearly needed them? Some sort of shared holiday with some other family, sounds like you are going to be managing children while the parents get drunk.
You deserve better. Much better.

Lollypop4 · 03/07/2020 16:36

What a twat.
You have no need to support his kid at all.
I wouldnt stay with hin

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 03/07/2020 16:36

I am very independent and have embarked on a very successful career as a teacher and run my own business.

This is irrelevant. Plenty of successful,independent,rich women get used and abused. You're only 10 months in and he made you have an abortion, somehow you've ended up buying his daughter clothes, he's choosing the type of holiday you'll go on(which is not what you want) and he's expecting you to pay for his daughter to go.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late. This is not about pride,weakness, how independent or awesome you are. You've already started to doubt yourself, you will lose out, more than anyone should.

ExhaustedBeyondBelief · 03/07/2020 16:40

You shouldn't be going away with his child when you've only been together 10 months

He needs to spend alone time with his child