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Original poster

Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

299 replies

HereToLetOffBurdens · 03/07/2020 14:08

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

OP posts:
Skippingabeat · 03/07/2020 15:18

What he wants is someone to share the costs and childcare of his DD with and not give anything to. Unless this is what you want, run now.

SunshineCake · 03/07/2020 15:19

Ten months ?!? And he's expecting you to support his daughter having forced you to abort your baby for the sake of a holiday you now can't afford?? I'd be saying good bye to this idiot.

Queenoftheashes · 03/07/2020 15:22

He is deeply insensitive and cf

Cailleach1 · 03/07/2020 15:23

You've been through a difficult time. You may have made the decision yourself, but at least that would have been your decision. Instead your OH seems to have been insincere in his motives. You are probably quite fragile so affected more deeply with the prospect of being given some fiscal responsibility for a child just after you were given a spiel of how you as a couple needed to have more time together.

You seem to be a generous person and it is good to support people. However, both of the child's parents seem to be playing you somewhat. Did the child's mother (or her father) tell you they were struggling in the hope you'd help them out. I'd say you should reflect on their MO then. It probably seems starker in light of having been encouraged to have a termination because you are not enough of an item yet. However, then you seem to be looked at as enough of an item to hit on for fiscal contributions towards the child who already has two parents.

If you were in a solid relationship with room for you to be really part of the family, and any children you wanted, then it may look different.

stairgates · 03/07/2020 15:24

He is not the one for you, pack his bags asap.

pigeon999 · 03/07/2020 15:24

He is taking full advantage of you, what a bloody cheek!

He is looking for a stepparent so that he can ease himself out of the parenting role, he is going to make his dd your problem. Both financially and in every other if he can get away with it. He will soon be on nights out whilst you babysit her, he will be weaving her into everything you do together so he can offload the responsibility. You being pregnant does not fit into his plan at all, he is trying decrease his efforts on the parenting front not increase them with a new baby. I feel so sorry you have been caught up with a man like this.

You have had a very lucky escape.

Run for the bloody hills op, and never ever look back.

Letseatgrandma · 03/07/2020 15:25

This really isn’t a good relationship for you. He seems to be using you as his cash cow.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2020 15:25

He's messing with your head.

Run. Very fast. Thataway>>>>>

pinkyredrose · 03/07/2020 15:26

He's a twat, you can do so much better. The fact he dares call you 'selfish' for not wanting to pay for his kids holiday when you've only been dating 10 months and you've just had an abortion speaks volumes about his lack of respect for you.

honeylulu · 03/07/2020 15:26

Get rid of him. What is coming across loud and clear is that he does not give a toss what you want, think or feel. It's all about him telling you how he wants it to be.

Doesn't suit him that you're pregnant - wanted you to get rid.

Wants to bring his child on holiday despite one of his reasons for the termination was wanting a holiday just the two of you. Now your pregnancy is conveniently over, he decides to treat his daughter and you can share the childcare. Tactess hurtful and selfish.

Wants you to share the costs of his daughter when she's around. Mean, selfish and bossy (why is he's telling you what to do? ) plus supremely thoughtless given your distress over your termination.

Wants you to pay half the cost of daughter coming on the holiday. All of the above but this seems truly cruel unless he's really thick. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound!

Let me guess he also expects you to cook, clean and do childcare?

He's trying to show you what your place in his life is.

starfishmummy · 03/07/2020 15:30

I cant even imagine wanting to be with someone who uses "we havent even been on holiday" together to end a pregnancy.

Maybe you both need to grow up?

Jellybeansincognito · 03/07/2020 15:31

This relationship sounds toxic already!

Emeraldshamrock · 03/07/2020 15:31

I don't think you can repair a relationship after a one sided abortion even without his DD involved.
You are in very different places.

Lilymossflower · 03/07/2020 15:34

LTB

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 03/07/2020 15:36

Ten months in and already you're funding his kid? Fuck that shit my feet wouldn't touch the ground 🏃‍♀️

fruitbrewhaha · 03/07/2020 15:36

10 months! You are dating a t 10 months not becoming a stepmum and having a child.

Goodness, I'm sorry how this is panning out for you OP but this is why you get to know someone. You meets, there's chemistry, you date and see if you like each other, you date and work out if you have he same values and you get to know each other over the course of a couple of years. You take a holiday or two in that time, you support each other through events and really work out if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

GilbertMarkham · 03/07/2020 15:38

She was there first and she's his priority. That's what being a good dad means. It's that simple.

Then he should make her a priority and pay for her fkg holiday himself!

GilbertMarkham · 03/07/2020 15:40

It's not up to his gf of less than a year to pay for his child's holiday.

Utter brass necked, piss-taking cheek to ask/expect.

Especially given the circumstances.

"Sorry, we're not together long enough for us to have a child so you better abort ... however we are together long enough for you to pay for my child with someone else's holiday expenses .. hand over half please"

I mean, it would be funny if it wasn't so shit.

saraclara · 03/07/2020 15:41

It's only been 10 months. Cut your losses OP.
Clearly your regret the abortion but you really did dodge a bullet there.

Totally agree. This man is using you. He doesn't want any responsibilities with you, but he wants you to be financially responsible for his daughter. That's just beyond the pale. He's a taker, and nothing else.
I can't get over the nerve of the guy. You really do deserve better.

GilbertMarkham · 03/07/2020 15:42

He's a user and a shitty person.

ShadowMane · 03/07/2020 15:43

@Poppinjay

He pressured you into an abortion so you could have a child-free holiday and now wants to bring his DD on holiday with you?

He's not a keeper, OP.

He is far too concerned with getting what he wants.

this!
BacklashStarts · 03/07/2020 15:44

I wonder if this relationship has run its course: he rejected your potential child, you blame him for you having an abortion, you say you don’t know each other that well but at the same time you are paying for his kid’s clothes. I think you should take a step back, get some distance as this all sounds like a head-fuck.

Yanbu

jessstan2 · 03/07/2020 15:45

Musmerian Fri 03-Jul-20 14:50:13
This is not about this specific situation but it saddens me when people are so black and white about who pays for what. I have two children from my first marriage and one with my now husband. While my ex has paid maintenance over the years I’m sure a lot of my husband’s salary has gone on the children. We’ve chosen to spend our lives together and if he was carping about where the money went I’d be pretty upset.
......
No comparison, Mumsarian! The op has been with her boyfriend for only ten months, she's already had one terminated pregnancy with the man and is now expected to fund his child's holiday.

LEELULUMPKIN · 03/07/2020 15:47

Run OP and never look back.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 03/07/2020 15:51

HereToLet: "I recently had an abortion, which killed me...".

Well it didn't kill you, had that been the case you wouldn't be posting now.

You don't know what metaphore is?

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