Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

[HereToLetOffBurdens]

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

[Poppinjay]

He pressured you into an abortion so you could have a child-free holiday and now wants to bring his DD on holiday with you?

He's not a keeper, OP.

He is far too concerned with getting what he wants.

[Heismyopendoor]

Why are you with him? Dump his backside ASAP

[Scout2016]

I would have doubts about this man and how this relationship would pan out. I'm not sure it's not a bit early to be going on holiday with his daughter too,even if things were wonderful, which they aren't.
You aren't being unreasonable or selfish. If she does go he should pay and if he can't afford it then he should pick something he can afford.
Is he just trying to kill two birds with one stone by holidaying all together? Might his daughter not prefer just her and dad do something? And then you and he do something separately, two low key trips?

[jessstan2]

HereToLet: "I recently had an abortion, which killed me...".

Well it didn't kill you, had that been the case you wouldn't be posting now.

You've only been together ten months and already having step-parent problems.

In your position I wouldn't be paying for your boyfriend's child's holiday; in most cases like yours you'd have only just met her anyway.

Cut your losses and move on. Next time find a guy without children and don't be in such a rush to make a commitment, never mind have a baby.
It's the sort of thing some might have done aged 20 but I presume you are a little older than that.

Good luck, you have a whole world to explore.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

He sounds vile.

It will get worse. You can do so much better than this piece of shit.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It sounds as if you’ve gone above and beyond for his dd already. He has got a nerve expecting you to pay for his dd. Idk how much money he has. But I think a weekend away, the two of you. Then him and his dd together without you would be a far better compromise. He sounds horrible and unfeeling. If he’s like this after 10 months, I wonder what he will be like in 2 or 3 years fine.

[Durgasarrow]

He is so fucking cruel. I grieve for you.

[BluntAndToThePoint80]

There’s so much wrong with this post.

You’ve only been together 10 months and see pregnant. That’s way too soon for the vast majority and will only add pressure to a fledgling relationship. I get accidents happen (and if he said he didn’t want the baby I’m assuming it wasn’t planned) but I’d be making sure i didn’t get pregnant again, with BOTH of you taking responsibility for contraception.

It sounds like you feel he pressured you into an abortion you didn’t want. But there’s a fine line with a man being honest about not wanting a child and giving his reasons for that, and pressuring you. Only you know which happened.

However you sound a bit dramatic/immature saying he wanted a baby with someone else but not you. There could be many reasons for this. Was his first child planned and what were the circumstances (ie married, LTR etc) ? Does he now know what pressure a baby adds and how much hard work it is so wouldn’t chose that situation again with the benefit of experience ?

You are with a man with a child - she’ll be his priority and if he can only go in one holiday, I think it should be with her. If you can’t deal with that, rethink relationships with men with children.

Asking you to pay for his child so early into a relationship is not on.

There’s faults both sides here and I’d be thinking about the choices I was making personally.

[Honeyroar]

You’re right that she’s his child to fund. I’m guessing at this point you don’t live together and are just boyfriend and girlfriend going on holiday? When you live together it’s a bit different. I’m really sorry what you went through, but I think he was right, it was too soon. Exactly the same reason why you aren’t being selfish not paying for his child. I also thought he sounds spectacularly thoughtless and hasnt touch empathy for what you went through. He sounds quite selfish and it’s a bit of a red flag for me.

[Alsohuman]

I’d run away as fast as my legs would carry me. I’m so sorry that you were pressured into terminating a pregnancy you wanted but, in all honesty, I think you’ve dodged a bullet.

[1forAll74]

Your partner sounds odd.and selfish, and not a good partner at all. Doing things his way, may be a sign of how he is going to be in the future, which will mean unhappiness for you in the long run.

[Gogogadgetarms]

@SociallyDistantPenguin

It's only been 10 months! Why isn't he paying for his daughters clothes himself never mind her holiday!

This!
You have no financial responsibility towards this child. Full stop. You shouldn’t be paying for anything.
I’d be thinking it’s far too soon for a family holiday anyway. You’ve been together less then a year!
OP say it’s the two of you or nothing. He can take his child away separately if he so wishes.

[Musmerian]

This is not about this specific situation but it saddens me when people are so black and white about who pays for what. I have two children from my first marriage and one with my now husband. While my ex has paid maintenance over the years I’m sure a lot of my husband’s salary has gone on the children. We’ve chosen to spend our lives together and if he was carping about where the money went I’d be pretty upset.

[Longingtolearn]

It is unreasonable to ask you to pay for the holiday.

Just say no and point out she has two loving parents who should be contributing to these extra activities.

Tbh considering its been 10 months but weird youre already a fixture and have a relationship with the child.

[VesperLynne]

That doesn't sound like a healthy ,balanced relationship to me. I would think very carefully about your future with this guy. And, no. His daughter his repsonsibility.

[Poppinjay]

Well it didn't kill you, had that been the case you wouldn't be posting now.

Have you never heard anyone using the term "The suspense is killing me" or similar?

[D4rwin]

It sounds like he wants your money and probably finds you amazing but isn't prepared to commit to a future with you. He's turning this all on you. Walk away. You might be prepared to fun his daughter time in an even relationship but it sounds all take and no give.

[JanewaysBun]

I'm so sorry he bullied you into an abortion.

He is a cunt, please leave him and find someone who truly loves you

[lazyarse123]

If he can afford a holiday I would tell him to do without this year and buy his child some clothes and whatever else she needs. I'm sorry he's not supportive of you. Please leave and find someone who deserves you.

[crimsonlake]

I am shocked at the amount of women who think any behaviour like this is acceptable and even normal from their partners and have to ask.
Do not even consider contributing to the cost of his childs holiday, put yourself first, you deserve it and better.

[BluntAndToThePoint80]

I’d also be concerned about a guy introducing me to his children with 10 months - far too quick for most children. How do you even know if it’s going to last by that point ?

[Lovemusic33]

Run for the hills OP, this relationship obviously isn’t for you, you have been together 10 months, I feel you will never get over the fact he has a child with someone else and didn’t want one with you, do you want to feel this pain forever? Walk away and find someone who is right for you.

And no, you shouldn’t be paying half for his child to go on holiday with you. Get rid of him and have a lovely holiday without him, take a friend or go on your own.

[coconutpie]

Run for the hills OP, this is not a good relationship.

[AlwaysCheddar]

Get rid!

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Musmerian they've been together 10 months, by the sound of it he pressured her into having an abortion she didn't want and then to rub salt in that wound is insisting she's responsible to financially support his child with someone else, it's crass so soon after the abortion and so soon in to their relationship. Your situation is totally different your married and have a child together as well