Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other half wants me to pay for his daughters holiday

299 replies

HereToLetOffBurdens · 03/07/2020 14:08

We’ve been together 10 months. I recently had an abortion, which killed me as it was as he already has a daughter with his ex, so you can imagine how I was already feeling about the fact that he didn’t want my baby but wanted hers. Anyway, his reasoning behind the abortion was that we hadn’t had enough time together as a couple, we hadn’t really had a proper holiday together etc, which I completely Agreed with. Our holidays got cancelled due to covid, but now we are going to book one for a couple of weeks time. You can imagine my confusion when he says we can go away this year and take his daughter, but then can’t afford another holiday for just the two of us. I understand him wanting to make memories with his little girl, but not being able to go away us two- when we aborted a child because he wanted us two to do more together?! Felt like a kick in the teeth. Now the time has come to book the holiday, and he’s asked me to pay half of the cost for his daughter. Am I being unreasonable? He’s saying I’m selfish etc but honestly I don’t think I’m doing l anything wrong? She isn’t my child to fund, but never the less recently I have spent lots on her buying her new clothes and giving them to her mom etc as her mom is also struggling with her growing out of her clothes. I just can’t help but feel so downhearted about it all, plus the fact the holiday is with another family, I feel my idea of relaxing and holiday is not to be running around after children, that is not what I want to pay a lot of money for

OP posts:
anothernewyear · 03/07/2020 14:55

I would e d the relationship. It sounds like he made the choice for the termination, not you. But it also wasn't his daughter who did. He'll want to spend time with his child and rightly he should. But I feel you may start resenting her over a decision that wasn't her fault.
Do both you and her a favour and leave.

Viviennemary · 03/07/2020 14:55

I think you should call it a day. He sounds very insensitive. You have obviously not got over the loss and sounds like you got bullied into having an abortion and he now wants you to finance his child. He is a heartless cruel piece of work.

billy1966 · 03/07/2020 14:57

So you were bullied into an abortion?
Paying for his childs clothes?
Asked to pay for his child's holiday?

OP, have you MUG tattooed on your forehead?

You are being used.

Get away from this nasty piece of work and focus on yourself.

Do you honestly believe it's a good idea to have a child with a man you barely know?

10 months is nothing.

A child will require 18 years minimum to adulthood.

Please slow down.

Flowers
LightenUpSummer · 03/07/2020 14:57

It's all about what he wants. I'd end it personally.

Honeyroar · 03/07/2020 14:57

@Musmerian but these two are not married, they’re only in the relatively early stages of a relationship- when things are more united of course the child’s holiday gets paid for out of joint finances (I will have happily paid for tons of holidays etc for my stepson over the years, but would’ve been shocked to be asked in the first year).

Also I can’t see where the OP was bullied into an abortion? I just read that the bloke gave it being too soon as his reasons, I cannot see anywhere where it said he made her.

netflixismysidehustle · 03/07/2020 14:58

He is cheeky as fuck asking you to pay for his dd after only 10 months.

Sunshineandflipflops · 03/07/2020 15:00

He's not your 'other half' any more than you are his child's step mother. You have been together 10 months so you should still be getting to know each other and spending some time together on your own, not paying for his daughter's clothes, holidays and having a termination. It all seems to have jumped way down the line.

I have been with my bf the same amount of time and I wouldn't dream of asking him for anything for my children.

Your bf either pays for his daughter to go on holiday, she doesn't come or you do something cheaper than he CAN afford to pay for her to do. I actually don't think it's unreasonable to want to go away just the two of you though after only 10 months together.

CJsGoldfish · 03/07/2020 15:00

It's only been 10 months. Cut your losses OP.
Clearly your regret the abortion but you really did dodge a bullet there. Having a baby with someone you barely know rarely works out and you now have the opportunity to just walk away. I hope you have enough self respect to do just that. You deserve better.

TooTrueToBeGood · 03/07/2020 15:03

I'm so sorry he bullied you into an abortion.

This with bells on. Paying for half his daughter's holiday is the least of your worries OP. A man who would coerce or pressurise you into having an abortion you clearly didn't want is not someone to share your life with. He's a selfish and heartless piece of shit.

onceuponatimer · 03/07/2020 15:03

Please dump this man. He sounds like an insensitive bully and is taking advantage of you to pay for his child which is his (and the mother's responsibility).

sunflowersandtulips50 · 03/07/2020 15:04

Its 10 mths, you are not responsible for his DC, I am surprised your already involved in buying his DC clothes. You have already had an abortion- take time out and definitely do not go on holiday with his 4 yr old or pay for her- your DP is an arse- your not the 4yr olds new mum

stealm · 03/07/2020 15:04

This is ludicrous.It's only been 10 months and he's expecting you to pay half of his daughter's holiday. That's outrageous.
You barely no each other. He should be paying for her holiday - perhaps splitting the cost with her mother. There's no way on earth you should be paying, nor should you be buying her clothes.
It's not the same scenario as a couple who've been together several year, re-married and have joint finances. In that case, then the holiday for everyone would come out of family funds and you'd be therefore contributing to DSD's holiday.

You should end this now. You're obviously not happy. It sounds to me like you want children of your own at some point. He won't be having children with you - I can tell you that already.
My aunty married a guy with children and he told her clearly that he did not want more children. I think she thought she could change his mind. She often feels sad that she never had children of her own and he says to her "You've got two sons" meaning her stepsons. He's been very cruel to her in other ways and used up what personal savings she had for one of his sons, saying "He's your son too".

You're just opening yourself up to a whole load of heartache if you know you would like children of your own at some point.
He sounds awful.

Beautiful3 · 03/07/2020 15:04

I would leave him and move on. He shouldn't be asking you to have an abortion nor to pay towards his daughter. Dont go on holiday with them. You ll find someone who deserves you.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/07/2020 15:05

He sounds insensitive and unreasonable.

10 months in you should be just starting to be introduced and getting to know his dd, not financially supporting her with clothes and holidays.

You resent him for the abortion when the choice was ultimately yours which makes be think you were coerced or not able to stand up for yourself in this relationship. Life as a stepmother and in a blended family is hardwork at the best of times, it is not something to stumble into blind. Your op has loads of red flags, I dont think this relationship is right for you.

TheShepherdsCrown · 03/07/2020 15:07

Please leave this man. He’s no good for you. He’s looking for a mug to go the grunt work while paying for the privilege of being bullied by him. Move on. Find a decent man. They do exist. He’ll simply go from woman to woman trying to find one with money but without the spirit to boot him to the curb.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 03/07/2020 15:10

Run for the hills woman, he sees you as a bit of a cash machine with sex thrown in.
They are using you, get out now.

SoulofanAggron · 03/07/2020 15:11

YANBU, a partner, especially one that's not long time, shouldn't expect you to pay anything towards his daughter joining you on holiday. Perhaps wordlessly stop paying out for the clothes etc either- he can do that when he can afford it. For you, a new partner, to pay towards her stuff blurs boundaries.

It would also be good if he was more considerate to you around these issues due to the termination. Have you told him how you feel about some of it? Or don't you feel like you can, which I would understand? xxx

Pregnantandstressed24 · 03/07/2020 15:13

I’d walk away from this relationship lovely. It seems to have caused you so much stress and heartache already and this should be the honeymoon period.

Daffy2020 · 03/07/2020 15:13

i can’t help but feel you’ve been forced in to an abortion you perhaps didn’t want. I think you really need to take some time away from him and possibly grieve your loss? This doesn’t sound healthy at all.

Also I have a daughter from a previous relationship as does my partner have one from his previous relationship so we’ve always split holidays 50/50 but I don’t see how he can call you selfish for not wanting to do that? Can her mum not pay towards her child going on holiday? Doesn’t sound healthy to me this relationship.

Nottherealslimshady · 03/07/2020 15:14

Get rid. I really don't think you're compatible.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/07/2020 15:15

Just get rid of this guy.

Your post made me so angry.

PablosHoney · 03/07/2020 15:16

What a user, yanbu.

Toastandjams · 03/07/2020 15:17

No way. I would not be with him get rid of him!

ThanosSavedMe · 03/07/2020 15:17

Get rid of him, he sounds no good at all. You should not be finding anything to do with his dd, holidays or otherwise.

You’ve been very kind, he’s treating you like a mug

Whosaysyoucanthaveitall · 03/07/2020 15:18

Run run run.
He made you have an abortion that you didn’t want for completely selfish reasons.
Now he wants you to cover the cost of the child he did want.
You don’t need to scratch far to see this guys true colours. He will always put his child first, which is completely 100% right. But it doesn’t feel like you’re anywhere in his list of priorities. You’re being used.

Swipe left for the next trending thread