To think referring to guests at Christmas lunch as waifs and strays is extremely rude

[notawaif]

I know I am BU to think about this in July, so don’t judge me on that.

I’ve seen it on a couple of threads and heard it in RL too, on FB and so on. AIBU for thinking it’s rude and condescending towards a guest?

Oh hell, it's July already! I'm behind on my Christmas shopping! I would quite like to get my presents for family back home in the post by August, methinks, this year!

I’m surprised as many people think that it is acceptable to refer to people on their own in this way. Even as a joke or said with affection, to me it’s so patronising. It’s pretty much implying you’re begging for scraps of both food and affection. So no I wouldn’t say to someone’s face I found it hurtful but I would graciously decline the invite.

No I don't think it's extremely rude at all. I think maybe some people get offended by just about anything these days

^^ this. Does nobody ever laugh and say 'fuck off' to things anymore? Is it all shaking/crying, offended, upset, rude?

It’s pretty much implying you’re begging for scraps of both food and affection

It's not.

It depends. If you’re made to feel like a charity case, then yes rude. I’d also wonder if the charity giver was somewhat lacking, if they feel the need to lord it over other people with these gestures.
I don’t think the phrase is inherently rude, it is entirely dependant on the motives of the person saying it.

That is not the same thing at all.

How not?

There seems to be a special offer on humour bypasses at the local clinic! Are the sensitives still allowed to refer to 'the white meat' as a way of avoiding saying 'breast' in these sensitive days?
We tend to refer to the 'odds and sods' in similar circumstances, anyone who is offended is free to decline another invitation but our frineds tend to be adults.

Our frineds will morph into friends along the way.

Well if someone called ME a piece of white meat or breast I probably would be slightly put out, as it happens! Which is the difference. It’s miserable enough actually BEING an orphan, being a waif and stray or being called an orphan because that’s so funny does bypass my actually quite well developed sense of humour!

But I think a lot of MNetters do like to feel like lady bountiful.

It’s pretty much implying you’re begging for scraps of both food and affection.

No, it isn't.

Why call them waifs and strays then?

I don’t understand.

This is a common name for gatherings specifically for people with no immediate family in the area. When I was at Uni, my friend's parents hosted a big holiday dinner for all the kids not going home for the holidays. It was affectionately called "waifs and strays". No offense meant, none taken. It was hugely popular and much appreciated. Try to get worked about something that matters.

My dad and step mum always refer to us kids as waifs and strays when they have us over for christmas. More in a "goodness me. Even more waifs and strays to feed this year" as one couple or another have a new baby. Its never occurred to me that its anything other than a joke.

Sorry OP but I don't think it's rude at all unless the host is being an ass about it.

If it is said with good humour and affection I think you're being a bit oversensitive.

I don't find it remotely offensive.

I say it in a loving way, I have a number of single family members and friends, either bereaved or never married. I love having them over, they help with everything and chip in financially as stay for a week. All our Christmases, Easter's etc are wonderful because everyone is together, god I do call them my waifs and strays but in a completely affectionate way, never thought I might be offending them 😪

Fuck!

I'd best close my Christmas Kitchen then!

We host waifs and strays on a regular basis. Many of them are workers from abroad who can't get home, some are single people who didn't make any arrangements, arrangements fell through or they just like coming here.

Years ago whenever we went to MILs for Christmas all her guests were waifs and strays, including her own kids. Usually as she didn't know who was coming or not!

It's an affectionate term, gently mocking the commericalised expecatations of Christmas, harking back to Dickensian times and all in all just how some people refer to the people who aren't immediate family who turn up once a year for a good lunch and too much alcohol.

Unclench a little!

I think it's a bit patronising and does come across as Lady bountiful

Well if someone called ME a piece of white meat or breast I probably would be slightly put out, as it happens what ARE you talking about? White meat / breast on poultry, not a person. They're not EATING you, they're feeding you

Kind of depends on what the other waifs and strays look like.

@CRbear

We use orphans in my house to refer to anyone with no where else to go- bet you don’t like that! Said with affection. I think context is everything!

Actually that’s still quite unpleasant. Have you tried imagining what it would be like to “have nowhere else to go” at Christmas and then to be “affectionately” called an orphan?

I think context matters

"oh a bunch of waifs and strays, they've got no one else so one does what what can.."
Vs
"oh a motley crew of waifs and strays, it'll be a really lovely group" etc

Yes I know that sleeping I was trying to make a joke and you found it as funny as I find being called a waif and stray and orphan.

Haha, absolutely not. We had a joint waifs and strays Christmas meal every year for years. It was a fantastic day, always. Spent with friends as opposed to families. You're being too sensitive. If someone is kind and nice enough to take you in, enjoy it!

If it offends you then refuse the invitation. Simples.