They completely take over the house!

[BuggerMeSausage]

My stepchildren, when they stay (3 nights one week, 4 the next).

They have bedrooms but they never use them as they say they don't like being in there for long periods of time. They sit in the living room sprawled on the sofa with their tablets/computers/game consoles shouting to their friends and me and DH have to literally sit in our room out of the way, we have a TV in there but no Sky or anything so it's Netflix and some dvds which gets tedious when it's from the minute you get home.

I'm sick of it. I want my house back. I want DH to say that if they want to shout and scream and play Fortnite with mates it's done in their bedrooms (they have a TV and console in there). They say they don't like being in their rooms but I kind of think, tough...? You can spend time with us as a family downstairs doing things we can all do or you go in your room?

I honestly do not have a problem at all spending time with them if we are actually spending time together but I don't want to feel like I can't even step foot in my living room or basically the whole downstairs of my house for 50% of the time. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FORTNITE BEING ON MY LIVING ROOM TV and tiptoeing around my house to make a brew or whatever so I don't disturb their conversations with their friends.

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

We go on walks in the evenings but never for long because they moan at being out. They never want to do anything else but play games and I've just had it with it now.

I want to say to DH that if he doesn't want to limit game time, which I've suggested before but it's agreed with and then ignored, then they do it in their room so I can have my house back.

I honestly can't think of a scenario when I was younger where my parents would leave the living room to sit on their bed so I could use it all evening, all the time.

They seem too young to be spending time in their bedrooms alone playing computer games.
My dc 11 are only allowed to play on the family computer or TV.
But it isn't reasonable that your dc have the living room for hours on end with no boundaries.
These dc need parenting by your DH and yourself.
Set some boundaries around screens and then do other things with them. Yes they will grumble but they will adjust to it.

I'm guessing those posters with a "just deal with it yourself if your DH won't" attitude have never personally had to navigate the minefield of step parenting family dynamics (or if they have, the parents in question already have strong healthy boundaries where this kind of situation would simply not occur).

Putting your foot down with DC who are not your own, no matter how well you get on with them, leads to all sorts of resentment regardless of how right and reasonable you are. Especially when you're having to do it because the parent in question won't...it leads to an uncomfortable them and us situation which persists long after the event.

Sympathies OP, I don;t blame you for being pissed off with it.

Do you have room in the garden for a chill-out trendy games room?

It's your DH who's at fault. Are they trying to be near to their Dad?
When they ask to use the TV your DH says 'Sausage wants to use the TV'.
He makes you the bad guy then so it's your fault. Nice.

As they get older they spend more time on the Consoles.
Can you get a sofa into one of the bedrooms to make it more of a 'sitting room' for them.
When they were younger they were probably happier to play a board game.
As they get older they don't want to spend time with grown ups that much.

slightly off topic but i notice you say 'my house' and that 'I pay the mortgage and bills'- there's little mention of their dad doing much parenting- or partnering- he seems to be your real problem- is he an equal partner or an additional dependent?

yanbu.. this would annoy me if this was my on kids, the fact they are your step kids doesnt even matter

They sound like normal teenagers. The fault was you chose to marry a man with children - always a big mistake.

Yanbu. Could they share a bedroom just for sleeping and turn one of the bedrooms into a games room (with soundproofing )

phoenixearthworm your children seriously rule the roost.
I would find it absolutely painful to sit in a room with shouting and loud gaming noises for any length of time.

Make a plan to put a series/film on at a certain time (or play a board game, whatever). Tell them in advance.

They will either watch/play with you or scarper. Either way, you get to sit in your living room at x time, but they aren’t excluded.

Do this everyday until it becomes habit. Eventually they will just know that at x time, fortnight stops downstairs.

Eating at the table at a fixed time is another good way to assert order and routine quietly. You can combine the two so at x time the game goes off for dinner and after dinner it doesn’t go back on again.

This way you combine more family time with more order, no one is excluded and you get more say on what happens in your own home!

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

I can appreciate where you are coming from. Could you not put the game stuff up in one of the rooms?
Actually, i think its quite nice that they are regarding your house like home. Unless they are abusing your soft furnishings?

I think tbh, yabu. Especially just now with the current circumstances.
I agree. If you dont like it, organise something!
Buy a trampoline - encourage them outside! Of course it depends upon what age they are.

Don’t discuss it. Put a quiz show on and shout the answers , v. loudly. Do this until the penny drops.
It probably won’t take long.

If you dont provide something for them to do in my experience they wil:

1. fight with one another.
2. Do something you are not happy with.
3. Bug you constantly.

Another poor step mother being made a total MUG of.

OP, remove the game box from the living room. End of.

The children are being dragged up, not rared.
God help you having to put up with such rudeness.

Your husband sounds like a weak twat.

These children need to be taught some basic consideration by the adults in their lives.

Why women see ANY appeal to being second class citizens in their own home, is utterly beyond me.

Half the week you are banished to your bedroom by two 10 years old. JESUS!

Woman up and reclaim your home.
If you think they are selfish now, wait till they hit the teen years.🙄😁

Assert your rights in your home.
Remove the box from the room.

YANBU this is so unfair! There shouldn't be a hierarchy. Set out some new rules now.

I've just got my son a console for his 8th Birthday. It's an old one, a PS3 so he can have the old PS1 games as well as some newer ones. He plays it in his room for an hour after school and an hour when he goes to bed. I think the fighting and war games are hideous and luckily he agrees, even though his friends all claim to have PS4's with fortnite etc!

There's no way in hell a console is ever going to be linked up to the TV downstairs. I don't care if it's 4K and 50inch and way better. They can get bigger TV's for future birthdays/Christmases for their rooms.

Also - and I don't care who slams me down - I'm a LP and I won't date a man with multiple kids for this reason. One, younger kid the same age as mine maybe. I wouldn't have teenagers in my house taking over it. I know I have that to come with my own two.

Stop tiptoeing around them or they will walk all over you and have no respect for you whatsoever - and you none for them.

They are not teenagers. At their age I wouldn't be happy with them being on the internet without some supervision, so would be console downstairs which would also limit their time on it as would have to share the space/tv with you, which is good for boundaries.

YANBU absolutely ridiculous if they have consoles etc in their rooms , end this practice right now and not only because you want to be in your own living room but to stop them getting older and behaving like little Lords - grabbing the remote when they walk in unbelievable

@MaxNormal

phoenixearthworm your children seriously rule the roost. I would find it absolutely painful to sit in a room with shouting and loud gaming noises for any length of time.

In your opinion. Not in mine - they are considerate and don't shout and they use headphones.

Could you be ",decorating" the living room next time they come? Chuck a few dust sheets around, hide the remote & tell them they have to play in their rooms, keep it up a couple of visits until you have them retrained.

“they are considerate and don't shout and they use headphones.”

So it’s a completely different scenario to the one the OP describes isn’t it? Why are you on here being sanctimonious and telling her she is being unreasonable?

I am spending time with my teenagers rather than them being in their rooms and never seeing them

I think we have a different definition of spending time with someone. I don't consider simply being sat in the same room as someone playing a game on a headset with their mates as spending time with them because you aren't really are you? You're just in the same room.

And I really disagree with the whole it's their home too stance. Yes it is but they are children. The adults own the house, they pay the bills, the children have perfectly good bedrooms to do unsocial activities in if they wish or if their parents want to allow them to do so all the time.

Agree with OP, my parents would never have allowed this to happen when I was growing up.

If you dont like it, organise something!

Stuff like this is very easy to trot out but it's not actually as easy in real life when we are talking about children who aren't the OPs and aren't being parented by their actual parents. It is not easy for a step parent to just start changing things like this without becoming hated by the kids for doing the job their parents should be doing.

At the end of the day if OPs husband and their mother don't want to sort the issue of unlimited gaming well, not OPs circus, not her monkeys but they do it in their rooms. It's not for OP to start organising this and that or stating X Y or Z rules because their parents cba but she is entitled to claim her living room back.

And there really is no need for all these excuses or workarounds, buying a crappier TV, decorating the living room, building a games room in the garden? Just tell them to play in their bedrooms. It's that simple. They are children they shouldn't be pandered to to this level, it's crazy.

I would not tolerate that, they either stay in their rooms to play or dont go on it.
Tell them straight

@AskOrNoAsk

I am spending time with my teenagers rather than them being in their rooms and never seeing them

I think we have a different definition of spending time with someone. I don't consider simply being sat in the same room as someone playing a game on a headset with their mates as spending time with them because you aren't really are you? You're just in the same room.

And I really disagree with the whole it's their home too stance. Yes it is but they are children. The adults own the house, they pay the bills, the children have perfectly good bedrooms to do unsocial activities in if they wish or if their parents want to allow them to do so all the time.

Agree with OP, my parents would never have allowed this to happen when I was growing up.

If you dont like it, organise something!

Stuff like this is very easy to trot out but it's not actually as easy in real life when we are talking about children who aren't the OPs and aren't being parented by their actual parents. It is not easy for a step parent to just start changing things like this without becoming hated by the kids for doing the job their parents should be doing.

At the end of the day if OPs husband and their mother don't want to sort the issue of unlimited gaming well, not OPs circus, not her monkeys but they do it in their rooms. It's not for OP to start organising this and that or stating X Y or Z rules because their parents cba but she is entitled to claim her living room back.

We are in the same room and we still get to chat to each other so yes, we're spending time together.

I agree that watching someone game with headphones on isn’t ‘spending time’ with them. It’s just physically being present and that’s all.
Bully for you pheonix.