They completely take over the house!

[BuggerMeSausage]

My stepchildren, when they stay (3 nights one week, 4 the next).

They have bedrooms but they never use them as they say they don't like being in there for long periods of time. They sit in the living room sprawled on the sofa with their tablets/computers/game consoles shouting to their friends and me and DH have to literally sit in our room out of the way, we have a TV in there but no Sky or anything so it's Netflix and some dvds which gets tedious when it's from the minute you get home.

I'm sick of it. I want my house back. I want DH to say that if they want to shout and scream and play Fortnite with mates it's done in their bedrooms (they have a TV and console in there). They say they don't like being in their rooms but I kind of think, tough...? You can spend time with us as a family downstairs doing things we can all do or you go in your room?

I honestly do not have a problem at all spending time with them if we are actually spending time together but I don't want to feel like I can't even step foot in my living room or basically the whole downstairs of my house for 50% of the time. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FORTNITE BEING ON MY LIVING ROOM TV and tiptoeing around my house to make a brew or whatever so I don't disturb their conversations with their friends.

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

We go on walks in the evenings but never for long because they moan at being out. They never want to do anything else but play games and I've just had it with it now.

I want to say to DH that if he doesn't want to limit game time, which I've suggested before but it's agreed with and then ignored, then they do it in their room so I can have my house back.

I honestly can't think of a scenario when I was younger where my parents would leave the living room to sit on their bed so I could use it all evening, all the time.

Put your foot down, should have from it began. Being step children doesn’t come into it. Rooms to play on their games or they do t play at all. Fuck being uncomfortable in your own home.

They have consoles in their room, they should use them. I’d be buggered if I went and sat upstairs while they hogged the lounge on a regular basis. Very occasionally I’ll let my 2 DC use the big TV and I’ll go and have a bath or something but that’s just for an hour or so. Most of the time, they play games in their rooms. The TV is for family viewing and we try to find things they all want to watch when we’re all in there together. Or they’ll sit with their headphones on and laptops and we watch TV, but loud shouty gaming in the living room? No way.

And no, you don’t have to take them to the bloody zoo or entertain them if you limit their screen time FFS! That’s the problem with kids these days - apparently they have to be constantly pandered to. Maybe your DSCs can do some drawing, have a chat, watch TV with you, read a book etc. You don’t have to be prepared to take them somewhere when you reclaim your space, you can put your feet up and watch TV in peace like any other parent.

You're being soft.

Take the living room console away before they come. Tell them it's their bedrooms or nothing. There's no way I'd tolerate that shit at all.

Actually it's your bloke you have the problem with....

I have 2 teenage kids ... there’s no way I’d allow them to rule the roost. You may have them part time but the same rules apply. We watch stuff together, but if they want to spend online time with friends it’s in their own space. If I want to chat to my friends on phone, I go to my bedroom. Communal space is just that.”, shared by definition and good manners apply.

Can they share a bedroom and have a playroom/den in the other?

No gaming in the living room

Just one simple rule will sort it out.

You need to put your foot down. How on earth has it got to the point where they walk in take the remote off you and put their games on.

I think YA and YANBU

They absolutely should not be shouting on fortnite, anywhere tbh. But why are you tiptoeing? If you want to make a cup of tea I wouldnt be worrying about distrubing them.

If you want to watch tv, watch it in your living room. They cant play fortnite because you want the tv.

I dont think theres anything wrong with gaming in the living room, I actually think its better becauae its better regulated if an adult can keep an eye, but no shouting and time needs to be limited. If adults want the tv tough shit really

I'd go the bright and breezy Mary Poppins route. Start with a particular show you are really excited about seeing. "Remember kids, at X o'clock Strictly / the football / the party political broadcast is on". Be really inclusive, offer snacks if you allow them in the lounge. Or get in the habit of Friday night film night, something they will like that you can all watch together. If they don't like it they can take the consoles to their room, but act like you expect them to watch it. Just do it basically, don't tell them this is a permanent change, it doesn't need consultation.
Also, hammer home to your dP how you feel. As a separate issue, do his rules and their mums rules around screen time match? How are they about coming off consoles ?

we deliberately had the gaming console downstairs for a while, so we could have an ear on what was going on, but we had it in the dining room with bean bags and screen on the wall.

When I read the first line of your post about them not wanting to spend time in their rooms, I thought YABU, and of course kids don't want to be upstairs all the time.
Then I read that they monopolise the TV and remote. YANBU

Decide what you boundaries are. So, after dinner, we have the lounge, we ar ehappy to compromise on what is watched, and dh gtes bored when we watch sewing bee etc, but adults get a say in what is watched. During the day, they can use it and watch what we want, but it has ot be sociable, ie, if I want to flop on the saof, they trun down the music etc. They are banned from playing animay songs when I am in the room ( ) and no loud singing along to things unless we are all having a moment and so on.

family = family rules, your room = your rules

On the downside, it does mean a few bored children, and that you (or your H) may have to actually do something with them

I genuinely wouldn't mind this at all. But I feel like everything suggested that isn't games is met by the world's mightiest moan, like it's the absolute worst thing in the world to do anything but game.

I know it's DHs and his exes problem because they do absolutely nothing to limit the time they spend on consoles. I've had this conversation so often with DH but I just feel powerless to control it when they aren't my kids. So I've got to the point where I just think fine, if you want to let them game all the time then whatever but not in my living room, upstairs in their rooms or not at all, whatever that's up to them.

Why should they have to be shut in their bedrooms?

They don't HAVE to be shut in their rooms. They are welcome to spend time downstairs with us whenever they want. But if they want to shout and scream and play with their mates on the console then I don't see why me and DH should have to accommodate that by leaving our own living space when they have perfectly good bedrooms to do it in out of the way and earshot of the rest of the house.

I'm getting to the mindset of I'm the adult, I pay the bloody mortgage and bills, I deserve to be able to use my living room and not sit on my bed watching Netflix.

We have PlayStation in the living room, because we don’t want them (my stepsons/his sons) to be holed up in their bedrooms playing games 24/7. So we have some times where they can play the games on the big telly in the living room and other times where we watch something we ALL enjoy.
As for walking in and taking the remote, no one does that, family, friends, Related or not. That’s rude and bad manners and I would (as a stepmum as well!) tell them they are behaving worse than toddlers and that you expect better.

Ye are in your room watching TV while the kids take over not a fucking hope in hell would I put up with that shit! They can fortnite in their room or not at all, like it or lump it

No way would I tolerate that shit. Sit in your own fucking living room and if they start playing/shouting/talking to friends, politely insist they go elsewhere to do this and remind them that the living room is for watching tv. I cannot believe you are forced out and made to sit in your room like a naughty child! Please, please do not put up with this any longer.

YADNBU.

I've just booted DS out of our living room and into his bedroom as I want to watch the telly in the living room (we don't have one in our bedroom, but the DC each have one in their rooms).

Its refreshing to hear that they are comfortable enough to sprawl on your sofa and come and grab the remote

But, YANBU.

Its nice theyre happy in communal area and an hour here and there works wonders for peace and quiet but mostly they should go to their rooms (im assuming theyre older 8+)

They're living with you 50/50 so you need to feel comfortable telling them what to do also, are they respectful in other ways? Is it just the consoles in the living room thats the issue or is there more going on in the background?

If he won’t put in boundaries what will you do? YANBU at all but your beef is with him. You have equal shared care, he has no excuse for being a Disney dad and capitulating to this nonsense, he’s letting everyone down. FWIW I’m a step mum and only hang around because I get an equal say in what goes on in my home. If you don’t, then I doubt this is he only issue in the household. He’s trying to take you down with him by confining you both to your room. You don’t have to put up with it but you’re on a hiding to nothing if he won’t grow a fucking backbone. If you create your own boundaries or go Mary poppins aa suggested, you’ll be the bad guy and it doesn’t sound like he’ll back you up. Or if he does it’ll be with a sad face “well that’s what Sausage says so...”.

House rule: No gaming in communal area.

Thanks. I guess I need to grow a back bone then and deal with this myself if DH won't.

Its nothing to do with step parenting. What parents spend their evenings in their bedroom so the kids can overtake the living room? They have bedroom they should use them.

And of course your oh needs to stop being lazy parents and allow them to be on it for do long because interacting with them is tiring and he can't be bothered.

It's completely out of order - you and your DH are pandering to them too much. If DH doesn't sort it, sort it yourself - they've got a console and TV in their bedrooms, if they want to play their games they do it up there, end of story. If you continue putting up with this it will breed serious resentment.

Reclaim your living room that you pay for. Stoo being treated like lodgers in your own home. How old are they?

YANBU. Being a step parent doesn't mean being a doormat. Good luck!

My kids have been doing this since lockdown before they would rarely play on the downstairs TV now its daily i can't watch my upstairs TV because my other son is watching or playing Minecraft on it I'm being played for a mug in my own house