They completely take over the house!

[BuggerMeSausage]

My stepchildren, when they stay (3 nights one week, 4 the next).

They have bedrooms but they never use them as they say they don't like being in there for long periods of time. They sit in the living room sprawled on the sofa with their tablets/computers/game consoles shouting to their friends and me and DH have to literally sit in our room out of the way, we have a TV in there but no Sky or anything so it's Netflix and some dvds which gets tedious when it's from the minute you get home.

I'm sick of it. I want my house back. I want DH to say that if they want to shout and scream and play Fortnite with mates it's done in their bedrooms (they have a TV and console in there). They say they don't like being in their rooms but I kind of think, tough...? You can spend time with us as a family downstairs doing things we can all do or you go in your room?

I honestly do not have a problem at all spending time with them if we are actually spending time together but I don't want to feel like I can't even step foot in my living room or basically the whole downstairs of my house for 50% of the time. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FORTNITE BEING ON MY LIVING ROOM TV and tiptoeing around my house to make a brew or whatever so I don't disturb their conversations with their friends.

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

We go on walks in the evenings but never for long because they moan at being out. They never want to do anything else but play games and I've just had it with it now.

I want to say to DH that if he doesn't want to limit game time, which I've suggested before but it's agreed with and then ignored, then they do it in their room so I can have my house back.

I honestly can't think of a scenario when I was younger where my parents would leave the living room to sit on their bed so I could use it all evening, all the time.

Ban all electronics from the living room with the exception of the TV.

How many children and what ages? As they don't live with you full time have a chat with them about their bedrooms, it might be they would be happy with one bedroom converted to a living / chill out space and sharing a room to actually sleep in.

Ugh. When my brother and I were a teenager the last thing we wanted was our friends anywhere NEAR our parents or where they could overhear what we were saying on the phone etc.

get the whole 'soon they won't leave their rooms and you'll miss them' but we don't spend any actual time with them now so it's not any different surely?

I am not sure why anyone expects you to miss this!! Like hell will I miss this stage of my dc development. I miss their younger days, I miss their baby days. Am I going to miss their pre teen or teen days, not so much.

It will be a blessed relief not to have fortnite blaring out I should imagine, and your fridge being demolished around the clock
The better days with them might be when they are older, and you can enjoy dinner and long lunches, and relaxed holidays as adults.

If your home is a lovely welcoming place and they think of you as someone that is kind and caring the rest will happen naturally.

You do need your own boundaries though op

@sashh

Ban all electronics from the living room with the exception of the TV.

How many children and what ages? As they don't live with you full time have a chat with them about their bedrooms, it might be they would be happy with one bedroom converted to a living / chill out space and sharing a room to actually sleep in.

that's a good idea

It's ridiculous that you should have to watch tv in your bedroom (like I did as a teenager!).

Gaming curfew downstairs (early evening). They are welcome to watch tv with you or play board games etc.

So I'm being unreasonable simply because of a choice of words to describe when my SC are here?Okay

Honestly, there’s no getting away from this kind of thing as a SM.

My DH’s ex is always telling the DSC that they ‘visit’ their dad. It drives DH mad. She’s doing it as a power play. I’m sure if she posted on here, no one would tell her she’s being unreasonable because she said that and that actually they live here too.

Even then, you said ‘when they come to stay’. Which doesn’t mean their visitors and just acknowledges that sometimes they stay at your house, sometimes they stay at their mum’s. But some people will vote YABU as a default just because your a stepmum posting about DSC.

Well, buggermesausage (love the name) it's your house, your rules. Remind these entitled little buggers of that and as such they can play in their rooms - tough luck if they don't like it. Be firm. Your DH must 'man up' and say the same. These are the rules from now on.

Take their electronic gubbins and throw them on the beds in their rooms. If they complain that they don't like it remind them that it is your house and they either abide by your rules or they go home. They've got you wrapped round their little fingers and they know it.
Come on, be strong, you as the adults should have control.

But I have had occasions before where they've come in whilst I'm watching something and they will actually say 'no' and go to grab the remote to switch it off

Am aghast at this - how very dare they! Who do they think they are that they can decide who watches what - especially when they weren't even in the room at the start? I wouldn't do that to someone in my own house.

Tbh they are 10! You and your DH have created this problem by not having clear boundaries in your home. I fully get it as I have boys of that age myself, and we have to be very vigilant about the rules. But we are the grown ups and that’s our job. There’s no way we would sit on our beds to watch Netflix whilst they took over the sitting room. Children of that age find it very difficult to police themselves and fortnite belongs in its own very special place of purgatory.

I think it’s neither here nor there what they do at their mothers-what matters is what you allow them to do at their home with you. I would sit them down and talk things through (with their dad as well) and make your feelings clear as to how you feel abouttheir behaviour and how things will be from here on in. It won’t be easy making the change but as long as you are consistent it will improve. You well need to have the conversation rather than just walking in and taking the remote off them though-just because you’re the grown up doesn’t mean that you can do that either.

Reclaim your living room! Don’t move, don’t let them have the remote - keep it in your pocket if necessary!

You say they do the same at their DM’s house so this is clearly a problem with them not you. Getting a strategy for both houses seems a great idea. It could be simply: games in your bedrooms and only between these hours.

It sounds like the children are bullies and people are giving in because it’s easier. I say that with no judgement because I know how exhausting constant whinging and pestering can be. But you need to bite the bullet and get some ground rules in. Personally I’d make sure the lounge was as ‘game unfriendly’ as possible too.

No way on earth would I be giving up my lounge to children and sitting in my room. When it comes down to it, quite apart from the inconvenience to you and your DH, it’s doing these children no favours at all to be allowed to be so bullying and bolshie.

I wouldnt allow it with my children. The tv in the living room is to share, not for computing. I would move their consoles to their rooms, with an agreed switch off time. As it's not fair on neighbours trying to sleep, if they're loud. Are headsets available for these consoles, to allow them to talk without shouting to help reduce noise?

I have a 10 year old - his games console/computer is in his room. Downstairs we just have a TV!

We have no screens between lunch and tea at the weekends.

That's madness. None of my kids play devices on the living room tv they go to their rooms. No way would I have to sit in my room every evening so they could command the living room. Tough shit if they dont like spending too long in their room. You dont either and you are an adult that pays the bill's. Your husband needs to get a grip of them.

@corpsebrid3 Absolutely this!!

I have the same issues and nothing gets them moving so fast if their mates they are shouting at can hear opera in the background. I even sing along......

I tolerate fortnite in the lounge for a few hours. Then it goes off or I start doing my own thing. I open the curtains, play opera and vacuum!

Evil step mother here! DSS (17 and a good kid) as well as my own son play their consoles in their rooms. Would never dawn on us (or them) to play downstairs.
When DSS does watch the tv in the lounge I've learnt to take a deep breath and cope with the empty glasses, cans and rubbish as long as it's all cleared up later.

Haha I read the first bit and thought here’s another step mum wanting all her own way.

Why? Why should this be anyone's default when an SM posts about DSC issue? It's rare that a SM wants anything ALL her own way. But some consideration would be nice.

I'm not a stepmother, btw. I just dislike people taking a starting position based purely on the parental status of a poster.

My kids don't even get to play the game console downstairs they wanna shout and get mad they do it in the bedroom my living room my tv although it mostly has peppa pig or frozen on for my younger two kids but no gaming on it. They don't wanna be in there room there is a garden or friends to play out with otherwise..

@BuggerMeSausage

Both boys, one just over 10 the other just under.

They both have consoles in their rooms that never get used hardly. They also have their own computers and tablets they can play on.

God they are so young! From your OP I assumed they were teenagers. YADNBU. If all else fails, treat yourself to some DVD box sets and turn off the wifi/change the password.

Good suggestions here but the simplest way to sort this would be to ensure the lounge TV won't work with Fortnite. It's the space you want, right, not an all-singing all-dancing TV?

I can’t believe what I’m reading , you have to sit in your room watching netflicks while your step children take over your main room with consoles etc, and shouting to their friends, sorry but I laughed! Why do you do it, if they don’t like being in their rooms tough it’s your house isn’t it! I don’t know their ages but what are you going to do when they are older, are they going to rule the roost! I’m all for children joining in with the family obviously but if they are taking over you are allowing it! Why,!

I don’t get why step children need special treatment, how can treating them differently make them more welcome secure or whatever. Surely that highlights a difference.

I don’t call my husbands children step sons, they are his children, they stay here with their dad and me. I am not their mum I am their dads wife. They have boundaries here the same as my children and we have a good relationship with mutual respect and that includes respect between me and my husband.

They are 10 they need guidance and your husband needs to respect that it is your home too.

YANBU the children ANBU because this is how they have learned to behave but your husband is.

Surely easier to impose boundaries than replace the telly

Their dad is being soft

I don't see why it has to be all or nothing, compromise will be easier than trying to enforce some new rule on your own.

Let them have the living room until dinnertime (you'll be cooking or working so not likely to want the living room then anyway). After dinner, if they still want to play, they have to go to their rooms.

Or, let them use the living room late one night a week or something.

Or, have them sleep in one room and help you fix the other up as a games room.

Basically it's a shared space, so it's totally reasonable for you to want to share it, but that doesn't mean you have to kick them out entirely either.

I think this is unacceptable really.What does DH say when you broach the subject? You need space of your own! Why not say that from now on its bedrooms only (get DH onside obv) If they protest say you like having them ,but you need space!