They completely take over the house!

[BuggerMeSausage]

My stepchildren, when they stay (3 nights one week, 4 the next).

They have bedrooms but they never use them as they say they don't like being in there for long periods of time. They sit in the living room sprawled on the sofa with their tablets/computers/game consoles shouting to their friends and me and DH have to literally sit in our room out of the way, we have a TV in there but no Sky or anything so it's Netflix and some dvds which gets tedious when it's from the minute you get home.

I'm sick of it. I want my house back. I want DH to say that if they want to shout and scream and play Fortnite with mates it's done in their bedrooms (they have a TV and console in there). They say they don't like being in their rooms but I kind of think, tough...? You can spend time with us as a family downstairs doing things we can all do or you go in your room?

I honestly do not have a problem at all spending time with them if we are actually spending time together but I don't want to feel like I can't even step foot in my living room or basically the whole downstairs of my house for 50% of the time. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FORTNITE BEING ON MY LIVING ROOM TV and tiptoeing around my house to make a brew or whatever so I don't disturb their conversations with their friends.

It's got to the point where it's not even questioned, they literally walk in and just grab the remote and put it on and it's just like that's that.

We go on walks in the evenings but never for long because they moan at being out. They never want to do anything else but play games and I've just had it with it now.

I want to say to DH that if he doesn't want to limit game time, which I've suggested before but it's agreed with and then ignored, then they do it in their room so I can have my house back.

I honestly can't think of a scenario when I was younger where my parents would leave the living room to sit on their bed so I could use it all evening, all the time.

Yanbu at all. They have rooms to do that shit in. That you are relegated to the bedroom is ridiculous.

I have a son who loves fortnite and his console is in his room for all the reasons you listed.

Love the kid, love spending time with him, but if he is gaming then its in his room only.
I also don't want to spend hours listening to him shouting down his headset.

I think you are perfectly reasonable to want to sit and relax in your own living room on an evening. Limit console usage then they wont be spending too long upstairs alone either. You get to relax while they game and then spend time together when they come off. So win win!

Some games/kids playing them are soooo loud! We had it constantly on the TV in our main room. One boy had his consoles there and the other had his in another little snug. They were playing online together and yelling across the rooms, so we moved one into the snug with the other but their own yelling was threatening to turn into fratricide so after resisting it all their lives we've finally admitted defeat and put their consoles in their rooms. We've finally got a nice quiet living room a good chunk of the time. Should have done it years ago! You can still do movie/game nights so they feel included.

First off, it’s lovely that they feel so at home. I smiled at your description of them immediately sprawling on the sofa and grabbing the remote

But you’re right, the living room should be a shared or adult space. This isn’t a step-parenting problem; it’s a DH problem. He needs to support you in either limiting screen time (maybe allowing it from hometime to teatime on school nights, then family games or a walk after tea?) or moving it to their bedrooms.

My own children know that they have to ask before using fortnite (on main telly) or TABS (on my laptop) and that all other screen are watched in rooms, ideally with headphones. Their dad does the same at his house.

Oh, YANBU at all. Shouting over the internet is just so antisocial. My own DC have to go to their rooms when they are online for just this reason.

How old are they, what sex and what’s the set up with their bedrooms?
Could you put two in together and then set up one bedroom as their ‘lounge/games room’.
I think the fact that they’re step children isn’t relevant. I wouldn’t put up with my lounge being taken over with that anti social racket.

The TV remote thing does show they are comfortable I agree. But I have had occasions before where they've come in whilst I'm watching something and they will actually say 'no' and go to grab the remote to switch it off! To be fair on those occasions, DH has said 'no, Sausage is using the TV' but then starts the whinging about when can they use it etc etc.

I do need to do something because it's reached the point now where I honestly don't even look forward to them coming or enjoy the time they spend here, in fact I really dread it.

It's not the kids themselves, they are nice kids but they just have no boundaries when it comes to games. That is completely the fault of DH and his ex as neither of them make any effort to limit the time they are on them. She's said before that they do exactly the same thing at her house. They've even had conversations before about limiting it and having the same rules in both houses but it just goes out the window after a bloody day.

Next time they are here I'm just going to deal with it myself and say 'sorry I'd like the TV now, thank you' and just use my living room.

Really I've gotten to the point where I think it's not up to me to limit their game time if their parents won't so I'll use my living room because it's my house but if DH wants to let them continue gaming all day in their bedrooms then whatever that's up to him.

Both boys, one just over 10 the other just under.

They both have consoles in their rooms that never get used hardly. They also have their own computers and tablets they can play on.

I'm sure you've posted about this before and unanimously got told that your husband should deal with it and make them play their games in their rooms. Why haven't you done that?

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I'm sure you've posted about this before and unanimously got told that your husband should deal with it and make them play their games in their rooms. Why haven't you done that?

I've not posted this before?

@Lopsil

Why should they have to be shut in their bedrooms?

Why should the OP?

I was prepared to disagree with you when I read step-children but I'm on your side. In our house there is no gaming in the living room, any yelling in to a headset is done in the bedroom because we don't want to listen to it. Ds is welcome to come down and watch tv with us or even sit with us whilst he's on Instagram but absolutely no gaming.

Take your controls back yourself if your husband won't deal with it, it's your house too and you shouldn't have to sit in your bedroom.

To be fair on those occasions, DH has said 'no, Sausage is using the TV' but then starts the whinging about when can they use it etc etc.

Tell them it's perfectly simple, they can't use the TV for noisy games in a room which is meant to be for everyone's use. So the answer to when they can use it is "Never".

Apologies then, OP. I read a very similar thread a few weeks ago. Must be a common theme!

Join them. Ask loads of super-keen parental questions about the game. Comment on the game. It drives them nuts. They'll soon retreat to their rooms.

But more seriously: they need ground rules. Sometimes they get the living room, sometimes the adults do, sometimes it's shared. Fine for their friends to come over sometimes. But they can't dominate.

Can you ask why they don't like their rooms? Can you redecorate to make them more attractive as teenage hideouts/hangouts so that the living room is less desirable?

Our teens take over the house. DS1 has an amazing knack of hogging three rooms at once by recording music in one, cooking up a storm in another and running a bath in a third, simultaneously. Drives me nuts. But I do kick him out.

My kids don't like being in their bedrooms either, and also basically took up the whole house lounging in the living room, hanging out on the stairs, or sitting in the kitchen having snacks with ipad, so when we moved house, rather than give them a bedroom each, we put them both in one room for sleeping, and turned the other room into a games room.

Now we barely see them.

Could that be a possibility?

Why should they have to be shut in their bedrooms?

Because they sound like entitled, rude brats, thinking that they can occupy the entire house with their shouting and screaming about games, Any parent who accepts that from any child is being neglectful, they need to know that their actions should not ruin the lives of others.

Announce an evening of board games as a family in the lounge - they may want to play or they may go to their rooms!

hanging out on the stairs

How weird, we've had the same problem in the past before. Literally sitting on a step in the middle of the stairs so you have to squeeze past or ask them to budge every time you go up or down.

We could do the sharing room to sleep and the other for games but they often argue if they are sthit together for long periods of time so I'm not sure if this would be better or not.

I don't know why they don't like their rooms. I think it's because they are obviously smaller than the living room so less space to lounge but they are decorated nicely and comfy.

Do they have separate bedrooms? How about rearranging to make them share 1 bedroom and turn the other into their "living room" ?

That should say shut together not sthit together!

The idea of the tv in the sitting room being used for Fortnite is just hilarious. That is so not on. Is there another room you could adapt for gaming?

Obviously you need to strike a balance because no one wants kids that spend all their time in their rooms, but your dh is being ridiculous here.

How weird, we've had the same problem in the past before. Literally sitting on a step in the middle of the stairs so you have to squeeze past or ask them to budge every time you go up or down.

Yep, that's what mine did too - perfectly good and comfortable rooms, decide to sit on the stairs (for bonus points with a glass of water you also have to avoid hitting)

We could do the sharing room to sleep and the other for games but they often argue if they are sthit together for long periods of time so I'm not sure if this would be better or not

I've found that it's reduced the arguments - although sometimes we have to give them a chill out time apart - they've got better in lockdown! - because neither owns the space their in, we're not getting the flouncing/chucking brother out of my room that we had before. It's like they want to be together (until they get annoyed with each other), but having the power differential of being in the other's room threw off the balance too much

Give them a year or so and they won’t ever come out of their bedrooms Op!
Personally I’d just get on with things in your living, if you disturb them gaming they can go upstairs.
Put a film on Netflix, turn their games off. Take control back.

Not a chance would I let my kids play Fortnite in the living room. We do have two living rooms but they still play in their bedrooms, either together or in their own rooms but playing together. The noise of them shouting is bad enough from there.