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Original poster

Friends DD being ungrateful about birthday present and having a tantrum in the street

170 replies

9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 15:52

NC for this to remain anonymous as I suspect a couple of friends use the forum.

My good friend has a DD (7) and it's her birthday in a couple of days. I was with friend, her DD and my DC today having a walk around up town and something in a shop catches friends DD's attention.

She's very taken with it and says how much she wanted it so i offered to get it for her as her birthday present which I was yet to buy on behalf of my DC. She happily accepts.

On the way home as she's looking at it again and she says actually it's not what she thought it was and she doesn't even want it anymore, she then throws a tantrum which includes sitting on the floor and sulking so we all have to stop and tend to that.

Friend laughs and says "aww she didn't realise what it was, silly billy"

She was stood inspecting it for a good 5 minutes in the shop saying how much she wanted it so I'm not sure how she mistook it for something else.

I'm stood there feeling awkward.

Upon reflection if it were my DC I think I would have said how it's not polite to be ungrateful and there's no need to have a tantrum, we can easily change it for something else etc.

It has left a bit of a bad taste.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 23:13

Maybe she thinks your relationship is so strong that you wouldn’t judge her parenting badly
This doesn't really make any sense. Do we give our friends/those we love a pass on crap we'd judge anyone else for?? If it's poor parenting, it's poor parenting no matter who's doing it.

Tavannach · 02/07/2020 23:18

Well she will never learn if no one corrects her behaviour will she?

But her behaviour was corrected - she thanked the OP for the present when she left and was looking forward to showing it to her father.
Who's to say that the tantrum wasn't also discussed at home?

Ickythumpego · 02/07/2020 23:32

Seems like a lot of posters have 7 year olds who don't fuck up. Two of my kids have passed this stage and made mistakes. It was crazy - 90% of the year they were like model citizens and 10% like wild animals. Luckily they didn't make this mistake, and if they did I would have told them it was rude and please say sorry.
HOWEVER please now take in confinement. It has changed things. Many women are now doing all the childcare while working from home and are probably so fucked that they cant be the parents they wanted to be
Also, I discuss all social interactions on the road home from events. I don't make a fuss in the street because I don't want my kids to either. Maybe she does the same.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/07/2020 23:33

It wasn't corrected at the time, and the op didn't receive an apology for her cheek, so it wasn't delt with properly.

Tavannach · 02/07/2020 23:33

She has words, she used words, she didn't need to sit down in the middle of the street and scream those words at the adult who was trying to do a nice thing for her

The OP doesn't say which words the child used. Her mother called her a "silly billy".
Meanwhile a poster here, DestinationFkd, referred to a 7 year old child as a "spoilt bitch".
Perhaps you've confused them.

SmileyClare · 02/07/2020 23:42

I suppose what was missing was the friend apologising to the Op for her daughter being rude to her and letting her know the tantrum will be discussed at home? It wasn't even mentioned.

No matter how secure the friendship, it's not really on to allow a child to be rude to your friend and not even acknowledge it!

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 23:44

@Ickythumpego

Seems like a lot of posters have 7 year olds who don't fuck up. Two of my kids have passed this stage and made mistakes. It was crazy - 90% of the year they were like model citizens and 10% like wild animals. Luckily they didn't make this mistake, and if they did I would have told them it was rude and please say sorry. HOWEVER please now take in confinement. It has changed things. Many women are now doing all the childcare while working from home and are probably so fucked that they cant be the parents they wanted to be Also, I discuss all social interactions on the road home from events. I don't make a fuss in the street because I don't want my kids to either. Maybe she does the same.
How does sitting on the ground tantrumming about having gotten the wrong toy (that you've literally just chosen yourself!) qualify as a mistake? The child is 7 (or possibly about to turn 8?), she is not a toddler.
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 00:06

The OP doesn't say which words the child used. Her mother called her a "silly billy".
Meanwhile a poster here, DestinationFkd, referred to a 7 year old child as a "spoilt bitch".
Perhaps you've confused them.

The OP did say which words the child used, it's in the first post. Why do you think I've confused the op with the poster that said "spoiled bitch"? Did you just want another opportunity to point out that someone called a child a bitch?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 00:08

From some of the replies on this thread, it's easy to see why we have a generation of spoilt brats on our hands.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 00:21

The child said it wasn't what she thought it was and she didn't even want it anymore. From her prone position on the street...
Yet she got to waltz off home with the toy because her mother did nothing about her behaviour and op decided to "wait and see" rather than taking any definitive action like putting the toy away out of sight.
Op also invited them to tea, despite the child having a tantrum every single time she comes over.
The child is indulged within an inch of her life, why wouldn't she act like a two year old?

Yeahnahmum · 03/07/2020 00:31

Keep it for your own kids for sure as you say they will enjoy it. Buy your friends dd something else. Maybe a book about being grateful hahah

anon5000 · 03/07/2020 00:36

@Thisismytimetoshine

The child said it wasn't what she thought it was and she didn't even want it anymore. From her prone position on the street... Yet she got to waltz off home with the toy because her mother did nothing about her behaviour and op decided to "wait and see" rather than taking any definitive action like putting the toy away out of sight. Op also invited them to tea, despite the child having a tantrum every single time she comes over. The child is indulged within an inch of her life, why wouldn't she act like a two year old?
And the OP gets to see a load of internet randoms call a 7 year old names.

Some friend, imagine going to your mates house and finding out she was on the internet while you were there and enjoying others calling your child a bitch because the child had a bit of a strop.

Tavannach · 03/07/2020 00:39

Did you just want another opportunity to point out that someone called a child a bitch?

Nope, first time I've done so.
I feel very sorry for the posters who think childlike behaviour is inexcusable in a child.

LonginesPrime · 03/07/2020 00:52

When she has a tantrum her mum's only motivation is to get it out of the way and move on, she doesn't actually address the behaviour

Since you suspect ADHD, OP, what would you suggest she should have done to 'address the behaviour'?

To suggest she should be admonished for behaviour that you think might be the result of a disability is inappropriate.

redwoodmazza · 03/07/2020 09:06

I remember when the DS [about 6] of a neighbour was at my house once.

[I didn't particularly like this little lad - he would open my cupboards and mess with things and I was always on edge because I thought he would damage something. He also used to whine 'Can we go now?' when his mum and I were having a chat.]

Anyway, him and I were in the kitchen one day and his mum came in from the lounge where we had all been a little bit before. This boy says to his mum 'Is it alright if I have a biscuit?'
She replies 'Of course it is."
So I said, 'Well it would be if I had offered him one!!!'
Cheeky or what?

monkeymonkey2010 · 03/07/2020 09:28

This type of behaviour isn't unusual from her DD, she regularly throws tantrums when something annoys her. She'll have at least two every time she comes round

She has a mother who doesn't discipline her or even take the time to teach her why her behaviour is unacceptable- and the kid has learnt how tantrums always give her what she wants.
If her mother doesn't step up her parenting, her DD will grow up thinking it's ok to emotionally manipulate others into getting what she wants.

monkeymonkey2010 · 03/07/2020 09:32

If my friends child was having at least two tantrums every time she came round and her mother didn't give a shit - i'd definitely say something to the child.

It doesn't need to be harsh does it? Just a simple "pack it in with the tantrums/why do you behave like that?" would suffice.

If your friend doesn't like it - tough!
Your friend is happy to allow her DD to disrespect everyone and put them in an awkward position and doesn't give a shit how they feel.
You can see where her DD is picking up her attitude from....

RadishesAndLentils · 03/07/2020 09:52

We're sat in the garden she has no interest in what I'm doing on my phone. I can multitask

This is really rude.

Isadora2007 · 03/07/2020 10:02

*Mum wasn't embarrassed, I love her to bits but she has the hide of a rhino (metaphorically of course)

This type of behaviour isn't unusual from her DD*

I’m wondering if these are linked. Mum isn’t emotionally responsive- so child learns that they need to be overly emotional to get any kind of response?

monkeymonkey2010 · 03/07/2020 10:11

^^RadishesAndLentils Fri 03-Jul-20 09:52:23
We're sat in the garden she has no interest in what I'm doing on my phone. I can multitask^^

^This is really rude.^

Grin It's catching ain't it - rude behaviour?
Only this time it's an adult taking cues from a child.....

Toddlerteaplease · 03/07/2020 10:15

No way would I be exchanging it. She had ample opportunity to look at it. What a brat.

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 03/07/2020 10:32

It’s really weird that you started a whole thread over a tiny incident with a child that wasn’t even yours, almost like you wanted people to namecall your friends child whilst you sit in the same room as her saying nothing because you’re a coward. Glad you’re not my friend.

Amibannedorwhat · 03/07/2020 10:40

I once gave a voucher for a birthday, child (he was about 11) has a full on whining tantrum about how he doesn’t want a voucher, his mum shouts at him “I’ll have the voucher then and I’ll give you the money” , didn’t tell him not to be ungrateful or anything, ugh vile family they were. Thankfully don’t have to see them now

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 03/07/2020 10:41

Do sod off with the "you are a bad friend" comments.

I'm far from it.

OP posts:
Original poster
9T9redballoons · 03/07/2020 10:42

almost like you wanted people to namecall your friends child whilst you sit in the same room as her saying nothing because you’re a coward.

As above Smile

OP posts:
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