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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DD being ungrateful about birthday present and having a tantrum in the street

170 replies

9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 15:52

NC for this to remain anonymous as I suspect a couple of friends use the forum.

My good friend has a DD (7) and it's her birthday in a couple of days. I was with friend, her DD and my DC today having a walk around up town and something in a shop catches friends DD's attention.

She's very taken with it and says how much she wanted it so i offered to get it for her as her birthday present which I was yet to buy on behalf of my DC. She happily accepts.

On the way home as she's looking at it again and she says actually it's not what she thought it was and she doesn't even want it anymore, she then throws a tantrum which includes sitting on the floor and sulking so we all have to stop and tend to that.

Friend laughs and says "aww she didn't realise what it was, silly billy"

She was stood inspecting it for a good 5 minutes in the shop saying how much she wanted it so I'm not sure how she mistook it for something else.

I'm stood there feeling awkward.

Upon reflection if it were my DC I think I would have said how it's not polite to be ungrateful and there's no need to have a tantrum, we can easily change it for something else etc.

It has left a bit of a bad taste.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 02/07/2020 18:41

I wouldn't expect a 7 year old to have the type of tantrum where she sits on the floor. I can understand that it would have been awkward for your friend and yourself but to be honest I would have handed it over to her so that she could exchange it. Her dd probably won't like what you pick any way so it would have been easier in the long run. Yanbu

TheGardenFairy · 02/07/2020 18:42

Just put a fiver in a card

Agreed ^^

ImNotBusyImLazy · 02/07/2020 18:45

My 4-year old knows better than to behave that way. I wouldn't exchange it, it teaches her that by throwing tantrums she gets what she wants. By 7 she should know better.

Connelloni · 02/07/2020 18:47

I really wouldn’t let my 4 year old get away with that behaviour, let alone a 7 year old. It’s extremely rude to be ungrateful for a gift. I agree you should keep it for your own DD.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 18:48

There are no SN involved that I'm aware of, she isn't diagnosed with anything. I have wondered whether there is undiagnosed ADHD but it's not my place to querie and I'm certainly not trained to know either way.

OP posts:
Idontbelieveit12 · 02/07/2020 18:49

My 3.5 year old would have been told that behaviour was unacceptable. No wonder she is behaving like that if her mum doesn’t say anything! Not really the child’s fault is it

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/07/2020 18:52

Ok would have taken the present back off her and said "oh well I'll just keep it then"

Adante · 02/07/2020 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmmapausalBitch · 02/07/2020 18:58

What a little brat! I wouldn't be exchanging it, and she wouldn't be getting a present from me next year either

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 19:07

They've left, friend took the toy and told her to say thank you to me for buying it for her which she did.

She then excitedly said she was going to go and show it to her dad, so it can't be that shit after all Confused

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 19:09

More fool you to let her Confused

SmileyClare · 02/07/2020 19:09

Shes still learning socially and is going to make some mistakes

The mistake here was her mum not taking the opportunity to teach her that she can't behave in that way. The worst that could have happened is that the dd made more of a fuss. So what?

That's better than her learning that a tantrum rewards her. That's what she's learnt today Sad

anon5000 · 02/07/2020 19:15

So are you happy now you have had all the perfect mothers on MN call a 7 year old names?

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 19:18

I agree that her mum should have said something at the time as I think most parents would.

My friend thought nothing of the whole tantrum palava as she's used to it, It was a non event to her.

If hours later I were to then say she's not having the toy because she kicked off earlier then I'm going to look like the bastard here.

I felt awkward when it happened and didn't feel it was my place to address it so it wouldn't feel right for me to then refuse her to take the toy hours later.

I'm going to raise it when I speak to her next when the children aren't there.

OP posts:
gypsywater · 02/07/2020 19:19

Awww @anon5000 dont be like that...save your energy for parenting your kids Wink

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 19:20

@anon5000

So are you happy now you have had all the perfect mothers on MN call a 7 year old names?
I'm not accountable for what other posters say. There's nothing remotely offensive toward the little girl in my OP or subsequent posts. Give over.
OP posts:
Poetryinaction · 02/07/2020 19:22

I think it is really off to be bitching about someone on the internet while they are in your garden!
It sounds like the child's behaviour was not good, and as her mother I would have given her hell. But as she didn't, I guess your job was to be calm and not react.
I wouldn't be taking the gift back. I'd just tell her that she is welcome to keep it or exchange it.

anon5000 · 02/07/2020 19:25

The mother and child were in OPs garden and OP is on the internet lapping up all the posters on here calling the child a bitch and a brat.

I'm glad I don't have friends like the OP.

TheVoiceOfReasonableness · 02/07/2020 19:26

It seems to me like you handled it perfectly well.

Perhaps the child herself realised that she had behaved badly earlier on reflection and decided to be gracious as she should have done earlier.

Perhaps her DM had a quiet word in her ear when she was out of earshot at your house once she had calmed down.

I wouldn’t have tolerated it from my own DC but if I’d been in your shoes I’d have done exactly as you did, for what it’s worth. Smile

Jimdandy · 02/07/2020 19:27

7 is far too old to be throwing tantrums.

Spoiled brat! Yes I’m calling a 7 year old a name.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 19:27

I think it is really off to be bitching about someone on the internet while they are in your garden

This is mumsnet where people bitch about their DH whilst they're snoozing next to them in bed, or their MIL in the annex. I haven't been cruel.

I wanted to discuss it with people removed from the situation and ascertain whether others thought I was being unreasonable.

I didn't want to have this discussion infront of the children and it isn't my place to address the behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 19:28

@anon5000

The mother and child were in OPs garden and OP is on the internet lapping up all the posters on here calling the child a bitch and a brat.

I'm glad I don't have friends like the OP.

Jog on. You're talking out of your arse.
OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 02/07/2020 19:28

DestinationFkd
That is a disgusting way to talk about a 7 year old girl no matter what her behaviour!

Pelleas · 02/07/2020 19:34

YANBU. The mother should have taken her to task. You could perhaps excuse a small child for not having learned to feign delight at a totally unsuitable gift, but this was a gift she'd asked for. As the giver I'd take it back but I wouldn't be getting her anything to replace it.

MadameButterface · 02/07/2020 19:35

@anon5000

The mother and child were in OPs garden and OP is on the internet lapping up all the posters on here calling the child a bitch and a brat.

I'm glad I don't have friends like the OP.

well I kind of agree with this tbh. no she didn't behave well but lockdown hasn't exactly brought out the best in a lot of fully grown adults, so I think cutting a child a bit of slack might not hurt. and tantrums are rude but so is being on your phone when you are hosting guests at your house, the difference is one of these behaviours was by a 7 year old and the other by a grown ass woman.
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