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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DD being ungrateful about birthday present and having a tantrum in the street

170 replies

9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 15:52

NC for this to remain anonymous as I suspect a couple of friends use the forum.

My good friend has a DD (7) and it's her birthday in a couple of days. I was with friend, her DD and my DC today having a walk around up town and something in a shop catches friends DD's attention.

She's very taken with it and says how much she wanted it so i offered to get it for her as her birthday present which I was yet to buy on behalf of my DC. She happily accepts.

On the way home as she's looking at it again and she says actually it's not what she thought it was and she doesn't even want it anymore, she then throws a tantrum which includes sitting on the floor and sulking so we all have to stop and tend to that.

Friend laughs and says "aww she didn't realise what it was, silly billy"

She was stood inspecting it for a good 5 minutes in the shop saying how much she wanted it so I'm not sure how she mistook it for something else.

I'm stood there feeling awkward.

Upon reflection if it were my DC I think I would have said how it's not polite to be ungrateful and there's no need to have a tantrum, we can easily change it for something else etc.

It has left a bit of a bad taste.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
user12345796 · 02/07/2020 16:13

When my child acted like that although he was younger, I was furious with him. I made him apologise and then the next day, away from the person who bought it, I made him take it to a charity shop so it would go to someone with good manners . He still remembers it and still thinks I was very harsh but he did learn better manners.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:13

Mum wasn't embarrassed, I love her to bits but she has the hide of a rhino (metaphorically of course)

This type of behaviour isn't unusual from her DD, she regularly throws tantrums when something annoys her. She'll have at least two every time she comes round.

My friend didn't ask me to exchange the present btw, it was something I was going to off my own back primarily so she wasn't left with what she saw as a crap present.

They're all still here at my house for tea atm.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:15

You invited them to tea after that performance... There's no helping some people.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:15

I don't want to say exactly what it is incase somebody recognises the situation but it's Disney character related.

OP posts:
Holothane · 02/07/2020 16:15

Sorry she’s a spoilt brat,

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:16

@9T9redballoons

I don't want to say exactly what it is incase somebody recognises the situation but it's Disney character related.
What on earth could she have mistaken it for?
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 02/07/2020 16:16

She sounds completely overwhelmed and it's spilled over into not very nice behaviour.

I wouldn't replace the gift tho

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:16

I could keep it for my DC as they would enjoy it but then I wouldn't want to seem passive aggressive

OP posts:
Flymetothetoon · 02/07/2020 16:16

What Thisismytimetoshare said with bells on

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:17

@9T9redballoons

I could keep it for my DC as they would enjoy it but then I wouldn't want to seem passive aggressive
Oh, don't be so bloody feeble, op Hmm
Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:18

They were due round for tea already, I didn't want to make a big deal of it by saying that they had to go home.

OP posts:
Flymetothetoon · 02/07/2020 16:18

Sorry meant Thisismytimetoshine

Notredamn · 02/07/2020 16:19

If she's a tantrummy child, you should've known not to buy her a spur of the moment present albeit an early birthday one.
Absolutely mortifying behaviour and no, I wouldn't exchange it either. Then again, I don't even buy for my friends' children.

GinDrinker00 · 02/07/2020 16:20

I would take it back and not get her anything else. Sorry but you’re just as bad as the mother by pandering to her bad behaviour.

DestinationFkd · 02/07/2020 16:21

This reply has been deleted

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Sewrainbow · 02/07/2020 16:21

I couldn't be bothered with taking it back to the shop. I would give it to yours if they'll like it.

As for another gift for the tantrummer I'm not sure. Depends on how much you value friendship with the mum. Maybe £ in a card or a packet of sweets I certainly wouldn't trawl the shops again for her.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 02/07/2020 16:21

Just playing devils advocate for five mins.

My SIL is lovely but quite overbearing and I can easily picture a situation where one of mine looked at something in a shop briefly and Auntie X would start saying (loudly) ‘oh do you like that? Shall I get that for you? I’ll get that for you. I’ll get it and that can be your birthday present’.

An overwrought and pressured 7yr old may well then realise on the way home that she now won’t be getting a birthday present she actually wants, and have a bit of a meltdown.

In fact similar scenarios have happened but my kids have said it to me when they got home rather than in front of her.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/07/2020 16:22

but then I wouldn't want to seem passive aggressive
I'd be going completely PA on their arses!
Let her come round and see your DC playing with it.
Ungrateful little child.
Grrrr.....

averysuitablegirl · 02/07/2020 16:24

Is this what people do now? Go online and criticise people they've invited round while they're still there?

Think no more about it OP. Just keep the gift and either use it for another birthday or give it to your children in a week or so.

Or ask your friend if she wants it to exchange?

Getting into exchanging a gift she had chosen herself sounds nuts.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:24

Her mum is a very close friend and I'm also fond of her DD but the behaviour really bothers me.

I can see people think I've pandered to her, I didn't see it that way at the time but I see your points. I was always going to buy her a birthday gift so I thought I'd just get the thing she wanted there and then as that made it easier.

I won't be exchanging it myself though. I agree I shouldn't have to so I won't.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:26

What does your friend think you're doing at the moment, op? Monitoring this thread with it's regular updates while she's there in your house?

Tavannach · 02/07/2020 16:27

The way some posters are talking about a 7 year old child is scary.
Keep it and give it to your DC, or take it back, but don't be offended by a child's tantrum. You're an adult.

wineandroses1 · 02/07/2020 16:28

If your friend is still at your house, give her the toy and the receipt to exchange. Then you don't have to traipse back to the shop nor find an alternative present. job done.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 16:28

We're sat in the garden she has no interest in what I'm doing on my phone. I can multitask

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 02/07/2020 16:30

If I were the parent I would have taken the kid to one side later to have a stern word and you would have had an apology (but I genuinely can't imagine either of mine doing this at 7 - 4, yes, but not 7). Then there would be no question of your exchanging the gift.

I wouldn't rescind a tea invitation in your shoes though! But if the girl is NT I would also be feeling very judgy about now!