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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DD being ungrateful about birthday present and having a tantrum in the street

170 replies

9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 15:52

NC for this to remain anonymous as I suspect a couple of friends use the forum.

My good friend has a DD (7) and it's her birthday in a couple of days. I was with friend, her DD and my DC today having a walk around up town and something in a shop catches friends DD's attention.

She's very taken with it and says how much she wanted it so i offered to get it for her as her birthday present which I was yet to buy on behalf of my DC. She happily accepts.

On the way home as she's looking at it again and she says actually it's not what she thought it was and she doesn't even want it anymore, she then throws a tantrum which includes sitting on the floor and sulking so we all have to stop and tend to that.

Friend laughs and says "aww she didn't realise what it was, silly billy"

She was stood inspecting it for a good 5 minutes in the shop saying how much she wanted it so I'm not sure how she mistook it for something else.

I'm stood there feeling awkward.

Upon reflection if it were my DC I think I would have said how it's not polite to be ungrateful and there's no need to have a tantrum, we can easily change it for something else etc.

It has left a bit of a bad taste.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
foamrolling · 02/07/2020 15:54

Maybe her mum knew it would escalate badly if she addressed it there and then in the street.

FlameFartingDragon · 02/07/2020 15:56

Mum was embarrassed?

Or aware that lockdown has seriously affected everyone's behaviour (adults and children) and some slack should be exercised.

Original poster
9T9redballoons · 02/07/2020 15:56

She won't address it later, it's all but forgotten

I have the present here which I'll exchange for something else tomorrow.

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 02/07/2020 15:57

I agree with you.

I once took my nephew some chocolate caramel sweets. He asked his mum (my sister) for a bowl of water, put all the chocolates in the bowl, mashed it all up together and then poured out into the garden while my sister just looked on. She said 'he's enjoying them in his own way'. I haven't bothered since. 🤷‍♀️

averysuitablegirl · 02/07/2020 15:58

I wouldn't over-think it.

She's 7, birthday coming up, probably not been to shops much for months etc.

I think even as an adult it's easy to get caught up with the momentary pleasure of getting what you want, then the shine wearing off.

It wasn't personal.

keepingbees · 02/07/2020 15:59

I think I would have said to my child that it wasn't nice to say that about something someone had just bought her. If it was down to lockdown stress or whatever then I would have explained that to the other parent and apologised.

It's awkward for you. I would've maybe given the receipt to the child's mum and said to change it if she still doesn't want it after the tantrum has passed.

LouHotel · 02/07/2020 16:00

@Squirrelblanket your sisters response proper made me chuckle.

She's not wrong really unless your about to say he's 12.

foamrolling · 02/07/2020 16:00

Have to say I if I was the mum I would not have asked or allowed you to take the present to return it! I'd have kept it for when she calmed down

Tlollj · 02/07/2020 16:00

You took it back to exchange?
I wouldn’t have. She got what she asked for little madam.
If her mum want to exchange she can but I wouldn’t be.

MollieMaeve · 02/07/2020 16:00

@FlameFartingDragon

Mum was embarrassed?

Or aware that lockdown has seriously affected everyone's behaviour (adults and children) and some slack should be exercised.

I agree with this. My eldest is currently acting out a lot which is very out of character and I assume that it’s due to lockdown, not being in school etc.

Personally I would have addressed it there and then and reiterated once we were not in public but everyone handles things differently.

I would be mortified if my child did this, it is possible your friend was embarrassed and just didn’t know how to handle the situation and don’t want to make it worse in public.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2020 16:01

Well I wouldn't have taken the gift to exchange.

I would have simply said "sorry it wasn't as good as you thought it was. Nevermind" and left it at that.

No wonder she has tantrums (at seven!) If her mum and other adults around her (yes, you) pander to her.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/07/2020 16:01

Try not to feel bad. Your friend obviously didn't want to make things worse in public as the child was having a tantrum and a sulk. If your friend doesn't address it later at home she'll have no-one to blame when her child turns out to be spoilt and entitled.
Don't buy something else instead though otherwise you'll compound her poor behaviour.

gypsywater · 02/07/2020 16:02

She behaves like that at 7?! Fucking hell who has tantrums like that at 7 years old? (SN excepted of course). Shocking.

HelloDulling · 02/07/2020 16:02

@9T9redballoons

She won't address it later, it's all but forgotten

I have the present here which I'll exchange for something else tomorrow.

For her? Sod that.
gypsywater · 02/07/2020 16:03

I wouldnt exchange it. No present for her.

35andThriving · 02/07/2020 16:04

I would feel a bit awkward in the mum's shoes. I would feel embarassed by what my dd had said, and a bit worried about what they might say next to make things worse.

7 is still young. They're still learning about the world, and are going to make mistakes socially, sometimes. I wouldn't take it to heart. It is a little annoying though.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:04

Did your friend actually ask you to exchange it, or did you offer?

I wouldn't have either offered or agreed to it, personally Hmm

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:05

What on earth was it, btw, that she "didn't know what it was, silly billy"??

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:06

They're still learning about the world, and are going to make mistakes socially, sometimes
Surely the one really lacking social graces in this scenario is the Mum?

GreenGordon · 02/07/2020 16:08

@Tlollj

You took it back to exchange? I wouldn’t have. She got what she asked for little madam. If her mum want to exchange she can but I wouldn’t be.
This
M0mmyneedswine · 02/07/2020 16:09

I wouldnt give another gift, refund or exchange for something for someone else as mum cant even be bothered to get her to apologise for her behaviour

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2020 16:11

Just put a fiver in a card.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/07/2020 16:11

Does your DD like it?
I wouldn't be getting the stroppy kid anything else.
She wanted - she got. Tough shit.
And having a tantrum like that at 7!
Unless she has other issues?
I'd have kept walking.

Notgoingouttoday · 02/07/2020 16:13

No I would take the present back and not buy another one! My mother would have called her a 'spoilt brat' ! I think the Mum may be horribly embarrassed but unless you get an apology there would be no alternatie present from me.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 16:13

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Just put a fiver in a card.
Yes, this. Make it obvious there'll be no further truck with the unwanted gift or whatever Verucca decided she wanted instead.