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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

411 replies

Rebecca980 · 01/07/2020 23:57

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 02/07/2020 08:38

I think maybe you've outgrown these friends, OP. Or at least, your view of socialising / fun has changed and you're not currently a match.

I also think your worry about them coming across as anti-Semitic is valid.

Loudly voicing whatever they did to you as 'ironic' doesn't really sound very pleasant or friendly, to be honest.

babba2014 · 02/07/2020 08:41

I don't drink so maybe my views are different but I don't see how it's normal or acceptable for grown men to break things in the house because of a drink.
I'd ask them to leave.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/07/2020 08:43

Why are you ignoring everyone pointing out you’ve broken lockdown rules?

Because they are a load of shite now ?
It’s complete bulkshit to berate OP when pubs , primark and sports bloody direct are opening up

RuddyP · 02/07/2020 08:44

It's fine OP. Just mention it next time you see the neighbors. They might have been well amused anyway. It was over by 10 and that's really not so late. As for the bubbles it's clear as mud and everyone has pretty much started doing their own version anyway.

userxx · 02/07/2020 08:45

It’s complete bulkshit to berate OP when pubs , primark and sports bloody direct are opening up

But where is the fun in that? You can't feel superior that way 🤷‍♂️

StopTheWorldImGettingOffNow · 02/07/2020 08:47

They sound like arseholes, sorry OP. If they genuinely are good guys they'll take a telling and apologise. I do think you owe your neighbours an apology as well. The suggestion on the first page of a text to your neighbours and a discussion with your friends this morning is a good one. You can guage their reaction and take it from there but I would hope they are extremely contrite.

Also I love a side-issue pile-on, so you and your DH are terrible terrible people for breaking the bubble rules and whatnot. Wink

MsTSwift · 02/07/2020 08:48

Absolutely user. I think a minority of the population are going to be bereft at losing their rules 🙄I have been shouted at numerous times in the last few months whilst innocently walking along by some in a particular demographic life will go back to being rather dull for them !

longwayoff · 02/07/2020 08:48

Lockdown. I've watched hours of an Australian TV show 'My Kitchen Rules'. In one episode a pair of competitors fell out with each other. They were petite, attractive Vietnamese women, usually firm friends, which added to the incongruity of this happening in a family show about cooking.
" Why you being fing c to me you c*?"
"I'm not fing c, you are fing c, you c*"
I was astonished that it hadn't been edited out but nobody else in the show batted an eyelid. Gordon Ramsay has a lot to answer for.

Lockheart · 02/07/2020 08:53

There's bugger all point berating OP for not following the bubble guidelines because a) it's not the question she asked and b) the stable door is hanging off it's hinges and the horse has already bolted.

It's like if someone's just watched their car roll down the hill and a hundred and one people tell them 'You should have put the handbrake on' - true, but fuck all use.

OP if I were you I would apologise profusely to your neighbours and have a strongly worded chat with this couple over breakfast.

Ticktocklovelyclock · 02/07/2020 08:55

Another one that fails to see the relevance of them being gay, unless that was somehow part of the embarrassment.
It’s a one off, let it go and don’t have them over again .

Megatron · 02/07/2020 08:57

To be fair....it’s not exactly clear...! Government need better comms people ;)

It's perfectly clear. You've just chosen to 'misunderstand' because it suited you and are saying it's irrelevant because you don't want people to point out to you. You're effectively mixing a hell of a lot of people together with your own DD in the mix.

It doesn't matter if the OP hasn't asked that question, people can respond on what she has posted, that's how open forums work. The OP will clearly continue to do what suits her anyway I suppose.

Cramitmaam · 02/07/2020 08:58

I posted yesterday, have just popped back on to see what's happened and I can see that the OP is homophobic, a bad mother, responsible for spreading coronavirus, and her friends shouldn't be allowed near her children.

What a busy day you have had, OP!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/07/2020 08:58

OP I would love it if you were my neighbours …. obv not if it was every weekend Grin. There's a couple in our group who tend to get rat arsed and behave like this and I do worry about having them round, and they're in their 50s!!

DH worries much less about what people think of us and I do wish I could be more like that.

drumandthebass · 02/07/2020 09:00

If I were your neighbour I'd
be more pissed off with you for flouting the lockdown rules rather than the loudness and swearing.

I'm sick of people blaming the government because the rules are "confusing". They claim they're confusing because it gives them an excuse to flout the rules and then claim they didn't "understand" them

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/07/2020 09:01

Also I think it is completely relevant to mention that they were gay guys …. at the risk of sounding stereotypical here, the parties I've been to with my gay bosses have been completely -hilarious- outrageous, and as the OP says, trying to shock with sexual innuendo/talk.

andweallsingalong · 02/07/2020 09:02

I think that I'd ask them not to drink for the rest of the stay and if they agree, fine.

Then apologise to the neighbours and promise it won't happen again.

Hopoindown31 · 02/07/2020 09:05

Good job they neighbours didn't call the police and you had a load of fines on top of your embarrassment.

Second wave is coming folks!

StopTheWorldImGettingOffNow · 02/07/2020 09:09

But surely the issue isn't 'i'm worried what my neighbours think about us' and more 'i'm worried my neighbours were disturbed/upset/subjected to anti-social behaviour'?

magicmarkerz · 02/07/2020 09:09

Your bubble thing makes no sense as it’s only two single person households that can combine to make a bubble.

They absolutely should not have been staying with you.

Why are you all so selfish?

Tadpolesandfroglets · 02/07/2020 09:10

I have a friend who still behaves like this. He comes over and is ready for a party, still thinks we are partying like we did in our 20s. We have kids now and have calmed down immeasurably. I don’t feel comfortable with his level of drunkenness, it seems immature and unnecessary so I told him that my house isn’t a party house, he doesn’t visit anymore but I’m okay with that. Life moves on and so do friendships. He doesn’t have kids and is still living a ‘bachelor-type-life’, that’s his call but don’t need it under my roof.

Cheesypea · 02/07/2020 09:12

Have not read the whole thread but your friends sound like alcoholics and your main concern is what the neighbours think?

GabriellaMontez · 02/07/2020 09:12

They were disrespectful to you and your neighbours. I wouldn't have them round again. I'd let them know.

Dont care about your bubble.

heartsonacake · 02/07/2020 09:13

Your bubble thing makes no sense as it’s only two single person households that can combine to make a bubble.

@magicmarkerz Nope, that’s not right either. It’s one household of any size and one single person household.

There is so much misinformation spread out there 🤦‍♀️ If you’re going to be an arse about it at least tell them the correct information.

Newkitchen123 · 02/07/2020 09:13

Sounds to me like you've grown apart
I'd say judge by their reaction this morning
Maybe it's them who should be apologising to the neighbours not you

SueEllenMishke · 02/07/2020 09:13

The bubble issue is relevant though op.
If you were my neighbour I would be a little annoyed at the disturbance ( especially on a weeknight as most if us have work, home schooling etc to do in the morning, although tbf 10pm isn't too bad) but I'd be super annoyed about you having people stay who shouldn't be at the moment.
I'd love to be able to send my son to my mil as we've been working full time and homeschooling with no break but we haven't been able to....but you're inviting people over to have a party???
I'd be fuming if this was my neighbour.

The noise/disturbance issue is easily rectified with an apology but the "bubble" issue would stick in my throat a little.