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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

411 replies

Rebecca980 · 01/07/2020 23:57

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

OP posts:
BenScalesIsAGod · 02/07/2020 07:53

Would people really not mind people loudly shouting cunt when out in the garden? I personally wouldn’t want my DC hearing that! Good they stopped at 10pm though 😂

KetoWinnie · 02/07/2020 07:54

@Somethingkindaoooo i know riiiight! It gets ridiculous. Why tiptoe round the word gay. Can you say irish couple? French couple? But not gay couple. Some posters disappear up their own derrière

KetoWinnie · 02/07/2020 07:57

I live in quite a shabby tiny 80s terrace house and im relieved anew reading this that i feel zero concern wrt neighbours' opinions of me.

I imagine they worry what i think of them 😂

beela · 02/07/2020 07:58

If I was your neighbour I wouldn't judge you on the behaviour of your guests. That ship would have already sailed when you decided to break the (pretty clear) lockdown rules about households mixing and overnight stays. Their behaviour would have just backed it up.

Anyway, let's hope for your sake that nobody in your massive bubble bath has covid.

LadioGaGa · 02/07/2020 07:59

This reply has been deleted

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SauvignonBlanketyBlank · 02/07/2020 08:01

If I were your neighbour I wouldn't have judged you,just maybe your friends a bit.

Newkitchen123 · 02/07/2020 08:02

[quote Rebecca980]@IhateBoswell not ignoring. Just irrelevant. I’ve actually Acknoweldged my understanding - and appreciate I may have misunderstood. To be fair....it’s not exactly clear...! Government need better comms people ;)[/quote]
It's perfectly clear

Marsalimay · 02/07/2020 08:03

I wonder how any of your neighbours are feeling this morning if they are Jewish.

WitsEnding · 02/07/2020 08:05

I am so grateful for my lovely neighbours.

If I had neighbours who invited people round who were drunk and swearing in the back garden I'd be disappointed and annoyed, but the 'enjoying shock values' would put the tin lid on it. That is deliberately hurting people for your own amusement, and it's not acceptable anywhere.

If you came round the next day and told me these people had been your friends for years and it was their usual way of blowing off steam, I'd definitely keep some distance between us in future.

SparkyBlue · 02/07/2020 08:11

OP don't loose a long-standing friendship but you have probably seen them in a new light after this. Instead of being the funny and witty friends you've always known they have behaved like absolute idiots and complete and utter arseholes. I don't find that type of humour funny and I hate that whole shock value type of stuff. It's actually really boring. People like that really irritate me. Have a good chat with them this morning. Hopefully they will be embarrassed and be apologetic.

CeibaTree · 02/07/2020 08:13

If I was your neighbour I wouldn't really judge you on your friend's behaviour (we've all got friends who can be a bit wilder than the norm), more that you were stupid/selfish enough to break lockdown rules - and that alone would permanently change my opinion of you I'm afraid.

As pp said you have completely misunderstood the not-hard-to- understand concept of 'bubbles'. If your friends have had multiple family members staying with them and already mixing their households, how on earth could you think it was ok to have them stay with you?

forrestgreen · 02/07/2020 08:14

I'd have to talk about it, you've got a daughter now. What if she heard that through a window?
They need to know that if she's around then it's not a blow out night.
So they can go back home or have a sober night at yours.

Quarantimespringclean · 02/07/2020 08:14

If you are really good mates I wouldn’t ask them to leave straightaway but I would tell them straight that they were really offensive to you and your neighbours and see what they say, if they really have hearts of gold I would like to think they will be straight round there with flowers and apologies.

I am also surprised you thought it was necessary to mention they were gay and can’t see how this is relevant to the story. Being gay isn’t an explanation (or an excuse) for loud anti-social behaviour and I think the implication that In some way they behaved this way BECAUSE they are gay is offensive. Being disturbed and abused in that way by two straight men/women or a lesbian couple or a man and a woman would be equally unacceptable.

If they aren’t immediately apologetic and remorseful I would seriously be questioning their values and moral code and would not want them in my DCs life.

Serin · 02/07/2020 08:15

I wouldnt care what the neighbours thought but I would be concerned for my DD.
I have memories of being small and terrified when my parents had (very) drunken parties.
Did she witness the things getting broken and the swearing?
Talk to her.

callmeadoctor · 02/07/2020 08:18

Why is the assumption that the gay couple is male? (I haven't assumed that at all?). Anyway, I would be cross as my child was in the house (regardless they were in the garden) . They weren't being very nice people were they, top and bottom of it.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/07/2020 08:20

Your friends sound like tedious, immature attention-seekers. I'd have been really pissed off if I was your neighbour.

We often enjoy socially distanced drinks/street parties

This made me laugh though - so careful to obey the rules with your neighbours and then blatantly chuck them out the window in front of those same neighbours so you can enjoy a piss-up with your mates 😂

Gatr · 02/07/2020 08:24

I agree that i would also be more annoyed at the breaking of lockdown rules rather than ny neighbours having loud people in a garden

gandalf456 · 02/07/2020 08:24

I think they were being deliberately disrespectful to your lifestyle. They were like 'hey, let's wind our straitlaced friends up and their suburban neighbours by talking loudly about sex and shouting cunt n the garden.'

Neighbours aside, I personally don't think that was very kind to you and pathetically childish.

I would talk to them to put their behaviour in context. Good friends would listen and be mortified you were upset. If their attitude is any different, it sounds as if you've already grown apart and time to step away

Malbecblooms · 02/07/2020 08:25

I fully understand this. In our previous house we lived in a nice little village. We had nice neighbours and were keen to fit in.Some old friends came over for a small birthday gathering and went outside every hour to have a cigarette on the doorstep carrying a can of lager. It really wasn't that sort of area.

I agree it's embarrassing and not very classy to see adults rolling about drink. It's something you do at 18 not in your 30's.

Apologise to the neighbours and speak to your friends. Don't kick them out of they are close to you but explain its not that sort of lifestyle here.

wheresmymojo · 02/07/2020 08:27

I would just sit them down this morning and say you understand they might have needed to let off some steam but you're embarrassed and are going to have to go round apologising to neighbours. Make it clear they can only stay if they tone it down a bit from now on. No more shouting...

Then pop a note through the door of surrounding houses with a lighthearted apology - sorry for the behaviour and noise last night, had a couple of friends over who got a bit overexcited about being out for the first time in weeks, won't happen again, etc.

Malbecblooms · 02/07/2020 08:29

I will add that I would judge you for having people to stay because you have adapted the bubble rule to your own wish to have friends over

Borisplums · 02/07/2020 08:33

@Rebecca980 apologise to your neighbours ASAP.

They may not show it but they’re probably absolutely dreading your guests coming back in the future. Sad don’t be the cause of other peoples anxiety

FirTree31 · 02/07/2020 08:35

I think the neighbours are more likely to judge the interpretation of 'bubble'

heartsonacake · 02/07/2020 08:37

Why are you ignoring everyone pointing out you’ve broken lockdown rules?

You don’t understand the bubble system; either deliberately, so it suits you, or you just didn’t happen to read it properly. I suspect the former given your reluctance to acknowledge those posts.

At the moment it is only one household of any size and one single person that can meet.

Nobody else can stay over or even come in your house. You are breaking lockdown rules.

Bluesheep8 · 02/07/2020 08:38

No need to talk about bloody bubbles and lockdown it's completely irrelevant to the thread

Sorry but it's COMPLETELY relevant to everything.
They shouldn't be staying til 4th July. And even then should socially distance.
Their behaviour could be the least of your worries.
I just despair Hmm