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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Eboney7 · 04/07/2020 12:06

Did you have boy or girl ?
feeling tired and headaches after eating food! Very early pregnancy I am only 4+ weeks but just wondering if anyone experienced this and if you had boy or girl !

StrawberrySquash · 04/07/2020 12:54

I've only just realised that my mum's friend's second daughter has the same name as me, albeit a short! It's taken me 39 years. Is it likely that either of you will use a short? Also as life goes on child will meet other people with her name, what if it's rare now by becomes fashionable? My name is more common than my parents intended and I know a lot of people with my name now.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 04/07/2020 14:59

@Thisismytimetoshine try & shine on your own instead of casting others in the dark. Am firmly on the side of the op & showing empathy for her. Imagination can be engaged by picking another name after someone close has chosen the same one to avoid future confusion in the social circle etc. Know you won't feel the same but there is real value in being individual & unique, not a replica. 😘

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 04/07/2020 15:10

@Extraordinarymagic yes it is clear so she should use her imagination and EI and choose another name. It's unfortunate but it will look like she copied the friend & will have to introduce her to their friends with "I know she's got the same name but I've always loved it" which is a bit of a mouthful 🙊 each time - just being practical 🤔

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/07/2020 15:10

Holy fuck... I can well imagine there isn't another one like you 🙄

Extraordinarymagic · 04/07/2020 15:15

@WorkHardPlayHard1 or she can introduce her child saying ‘this is my daughter X” Hmm

And about this ‘future confusion’ are you implying the ops social circle are so thick they can’t understand two girls having the same name? I would say they have the brain power to comprehend it.

Raaaa · 04/07/2020 15:23

Well what is the name then or are you scared someone on MN will use it so it can't be said?

I was one of three in my year group from primary school through to secondary. People like the same names. You will have to get over it.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 04/07/2020 15:23

@thisismytimetoshine exactly. Keep shining those boots 👢👢

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/07/2020 15:25

What are you on?

GrannyBags · 04/07/2020 15:28

A friend named her son the same as mine, they are only 3 months apart. Different schools but shared friendship group. Now they are older they both use a different nick name (both versions of their given name). One of the other dads in our group also has the same name.
And no, I literally didn’t bat an eyelid. I just thought she had good taste.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 04/07/2020 15:29

You are @Extraordinarymagic 🎩at kicking off & implying her friends are stupid, 👏👏😘 PS you know there's no such thing as magic, right??

Incrediblytired · 04/07/2020 15:40

I get it. I think it would have been nice to say something to you if the name is really distinctive but if she had a her heart set on it then she didn’t copy you. You just got pregnant first.

I would feel a bit miffed but when you’re older you won’t care.

I’m actually sick of all the “distinctive” kids names these days, if you want to be distinctive now you might as well go for Anna, Rebecca or Sarah. No children are called that, they’re all called “Harper” or “Archie”

WhitbyGoth · 04/07/2020 15:42

Get over yourself, you do not own a name.

GrannyBags · 04/07/2020 15:43

@madwoman1ntheattic
😂 my cousin called her daughter ‘Kylie’ after a trip to Australia. No-one had heard it here. A month later Ms Minogue had a massive hit with I Should Be So Lucky and it there were several in her daughter’s year at school!

Rebecca980 · 04/07/2020 15:47

Yeah, it’s annoying. But you don’t own the name. It’s not like you’re in the same family.

Abbazed · 04/07/2020 16:24

She might have a boy! Or she may change her mind when little one is here.

KitNCaboodle · 04/07/2020 17:27

My daughter’s name wasn’t popular, wasn’t unusual. There was never another child with her name at primary school at the same time as her. She moved to secondary school and met someone who is now her best friend with the same name as her.
So your child could go to school and meet someone with the same name. Would that mean their name was less special then?

Our friend has been talking baby names recently and loves my daughter’s name but says she wouldn’t use it, because of her. I think that’s sad.

IrmaFayLear · 04/07/2020 17:37

I’m with the OP.

It’s not so bad if it’s a classic name, such as William or James or Elizabeth or Charlotte.

But if you’ve named your child, say, Pandora or something else not in the top 100 names and then someone you’re close to picks the same, it is a bit off.

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 04/07/2020 17:49

YABU it is a common name around here.

Fibbib · 04/07/2020 18:15

It is a bit strange, but think of it this way if you went to a baby group and made friends with someone and you got on well you wouldn't not be friends with them if their child was named the same as yours would you?

Mittens030869 · 04/07/2020 18:25

I can understand the OP being a bit put out about her friend choosing the same name for her DD, but surely it isn't that big a deal in the overall scheme of things? We've been in lockdown for over 3 months, thousands have died of COVID-19 and millions of people are afraid of losing their jobs.

If all you have to worry about is a friend saying that she was going to name her DD the same as yours, you're obviously not too badly off.

From what you've said, she's been a close friend for a long time. So you need to decide whether her giving her DD the same as yours is a deal breaker. (IMO, that would be making a mountain out of a molehill, but it's obviously your call.)

Carabu1 · 04/07/2020 19:29

YABU. It’s a name. Just because you got pregnant first doesn’t mean it’s yours! I’m expecting my 1st and I really wouldn’t care if a friend uses the same name - nor would I not use a name because a friend had. Close family might be a different, because they’d be cousins or whatever, but otherwise, sorry, I think you’re being a bit mean.

Cherrysummerfruits · 04/07/2020 19:44

@ToBBQorNotToBBQ she never said the name.

PoodleMoth · 04/07/2020 21:50

I think it's weird. Of course there will be other children with the same name but to.ise a same name as a very good friend or family member is just odd

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 05/07/2020 00:27

I would really hate it. I vetoed any name if I knew someone with it. I know that’s strange but I wanted my children to be a bit unique. Traditional names but not popular