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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/07/2020 21:54

I don't think OP is likely to disclose the name, which is fair. But if you look through the ONS listings for the year your DD was born (or the year before) you can see how many people used the same name.

It won't be exactly the same anyway, presumably they have different surnames, different middle names. Possibly different shortenings or nicknames if it's a longish name.

WinWinnieTheWay · 01/07/2020 21:56

Yabu. I wouldn't like it either, but really it's a name and you don't have the copyright on it. Life's too short, just take it as confirmation that you have good taste. It won't affect your child in the slightest.

4amWitchingHour · 01/07/2020 21:56

YABU. It doesn't make your daughter's name any less special. Yes, you two and your daughters will be around each other while they're young, but then they'll go off and live their separate lives. This is not an issue that lasts forever.

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 01/07/2020 21:57

I understand how you feel put out.

But if your friend had posted on here and asked whether she could use a name that her friend has used, I would say 'of course, go for it because friends come and go, you will have your DD for life'.

It's a bit strange but yep, you don't own the name and she could well have loved it for years. Accept and move on OP.

Witchofzog · 01/07/2020 21:57

She liked it too. Probably before you had your dd. I was annoyed at a friend who actually asked what I was calling ds stating she had no names for her baby and then called hers the same name when she gave birth 3 weeks before me. I called ds something else, but now I think it is no big deal. We are not friends anymore and she lives 300 miles away. None of this will matter for you either 10 years down the line. I bet they end up at different schools too

bitofasleuth · 01/07/2020 21:59

She told you she's always loved the name. Maybe she feels like you pinched it from her?

Chloemol · 01/07/2020 22:00

Shouting at you

YOU DO NOT OWN THE NAME

Stop being so childish

RosieCockle · 01/07/2020 22:00

Get a grip. It's not important in the scheme of things. I sat on a table in history class with two other girls with the same name, while there were also four Stuarts. No one cares.

slipperywhensparticus · 01/07/2020 22:02

If it's that unusual and they are at the same school they wont be in the same class anyway

employeewoes · 01/07/2020 22:03

I had DSs name picked out before we'd even decided we wanted kids. Nothing would have stopped me using it. Just because you got pregnant first, doesn't mean she should not use it.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 01/07/2020 22:03

What’s in a name?

Original poster
OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 22:04

@theproblemwitheyes I said it's not as common as Evie (which is very common). It's nothing like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 22:05

@bitofasleuth she told me that after I told her dd name. I had no idea.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 01/07/2020 22:05

And yes despite the hysterical shouting on here it is a bit weird it is just a name and being "just a name" she could have picked a different one

Mmmmycorona · 01/07/2020 22:07

I think it’s a weird thing to do and would avoid a name I liked if someone close to me chose it for their child.

Newspaper6 · 01/07/2020 22:07

Hmm I understand you must feel upset. My best friend from school (though we don’t live near each other anymore) gave her daughter my favourite name. It’s a really unusual name - and a massive coincidence as we definitely didn’t discuss it.

I had a boy, but if I was going to have a girl I was planning on explaining to her why I’d also be using that name - I felt weirdly gutted that she’d used it at the time because I loved it and I was worried she’d think I copied her. But I’d been planning on using the name long before I got pregnant and have always loved it.

Is she definitely having a girl? Will your children go to school together? If my old best friend’s daughter and my child (if I’d had a girl) would have been at school together, I would have (reluctantly) chosen another name.

elenacampana · 01/07/2020 22:09

Loads of people are calling their children Evie now and plenty are using Evelyn too - I know of two little girls alone with the name. They’re not as unique as you think!

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 01/07/2020 22:09

Definitely depends on how unusual the name is. But in general, YABU, noone owns a name. She didn't need your permission. At least she told you before baby is here.

SunshineCake · 01/07/2020 22:10

I'm not friends with the woman who named her baby my sons name before he was born. I felt very awkward when she announced his name and I said we were going to call him that. I honestly thought I had to change his name. I didn't. It suits him. Me and her never see each other. It will be fine. You'll either stop being friends or you will realise it doesn't matter.

elenacampana · 01/07/2020 22:10

Oopsies sorry, I misread your post!

Despite that, I do think you’re being daft. It’s not important :-)

Metallicalover · 01/07/2020 22:11

Maybe it's the name she always loved so named her child that name.
I have known for years that if I have a girl what her name would be. It took us a while to conceive and a couple of people I have met over the years at work have daughters with the same name (I'm a nurse so know a lot of people from different departments etc and we work quite closely together, friends of Facebook etc)
No hope in hell has that stopped me calling my daughter that name. I have mentioned it in passing that that's the name I've always loved and they knew about my fertility treatments etc.
From what I gather they don't have a problem, if they did they wouldn't say anything.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/07/2020 22:11

Your daughters aren't going to spend their lives living next door to each other, and even if they did, so what. It's no big deal at all.

Look at any list of popular names and work out how many bazillion Davids, Mohammeds and Steves there are in the world. They all cope just fine.

YABU.

Givingup123456 · 01/07/2020 22:13

Yabu. No one owns a name. She already said she liked it. One of you may move away and Never see each other again and then it would be irrelevant. And if that didn't happen then so what? I had 3 other girls with the same name as me in my class at primary then 2 others in my form in secondary and I know 5 now.

CluelessBaker · 01/07/2020 22:13

I don’t think it will matter as much as you think once the baby is born. Lots of kids have friends etc with the same name, it’s not at all uncommon. Choosing names is so personal, I think it’s too much to expect a person not to use a name they love because you happened to get there first.

Doilooklikeatourist · 01/07/2020 22:13

When DD was in playgroup , 2 mums who were friends , each had a daughter named Dana ( Dayna )
I thought it was a bit strange , but they got on with it ok
I don't see a problem , you named your baby a name you chose , why shouldn't t she ?