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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Phrowzunn · 03/07/2020 07:58

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be a bit put out OP but try and think of it in the way that, if anything, it’s her who looks a bit silly. I would feel more sorry for her daughter than yours. If people think it’s odd for them to have the exact same name (including the others in your friendship group) it’s obvious that it’s not ‘on you’ as you had your daughter first!

Takingontheworld · 03/07/2020 08:01

I honestly cannot get worked up about this. Surely you realise that it literally doesn't matter?

Dipi79 · 03/07/2020 08:05

I'd be pissed off. I know we don't 'own' names, but I would be annoyed if a close friend chose my child's name. And, I'd end up feeling resentful, tbh. But, that's just me!

Phrowzunn · 03/07/2020 08:07

For what it’s worth we vetoed a name because it was similar to the name my DH’s cousin had just used, and we will very rarely see them as they live in a different country! I would never choose a name that someone else had already picked, let alone if they were a very close friend who I would see all the time. Very weird in my opinion. But then I also find it weird the way people pick the current most popular name and then tell you as if they’ve come up with it themselves. When I was pregnant last time I really loved the name Isla (still do!) but it was/is soo popular, we didn’t want her to be one of 10 in her class. When we got to the hospital to have her, the first person we met was a new dad in the waiting room who proudly told us his new baby daughter was called Isla. As mean as it is, DH and I had to stifle a bit of an eye roll! Do people not check which names are super common when they’re thinking of baby names? Or they just don’t mind maybe?

DaisyDaisydoo · 03/07/2020 08:27

I think this is just a divisive subject, she obviously agrees with most people on here and doesn’t see it as a problem. For what it’s worth I would feel the same as you. Probably unreasonable but I would 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m sure you will get used to it through

RoseGoldEagle · 03/07/2020 09:08

I don’t get the preciousness about names. Your DD’s name is of course special to you, because your DD is special to you. No-one else is bothered one way or the other what your child is called. A colleague at work spent ages telling me how she’d never have given her children ‘common’ names (my children both have common popular names, because I love them), but then I think the names she did pick are awful- it’s just each to their own isn’t it. Your friend obviously loved the name already so isn’t copying you- and anyway, unless you made the name up- you copied someone else, as we all have, so the thing about her looking stupid copying you is ridiculous- I can’t believe anyone would think anything other than - oh they both liked the same name. It just seems like a completely unnecessary drama to even worry about this.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/07/2020 09:13

@Phrowzunn

For what it’s worth we vetoed a name because it was similar to the name my DH’s cousin had just used, and we will very rarely see them as they live in a different country! I would never choose a name that someone else had already picked, let alone if they were a very close friend who I would see all the time. Very weird in my opinion. But then I also find it weird the way people pick the current most popular name and then tell you as if they’ve come up with it themselves. When I was pregnant last time I really loved the name Isla (still do!) but it was/is soo popular, we didn’t want her to be one of 10 in her class. When we got to the hospital to have her, the first person we met was a new dad in the waiting room who proudly told us his new baby daughter was called Isla. As mean as it is, DH and I had to stifle a bit of an eye roll! Do people not check which names are super common when they’re thinking of baby names? Or they just don’t mind maybe?
No, some people don't mind. If anything, it's proof that lots of people like the name. Why is it weird to like something popular? Is that not kind of the nature of popularity?

I have a name that was and still is very popular and there were several of us in my class at school. As kids, we just thought it was funny and sometimes bonded over it, as an adult I honestly couldn't care less. At least everyone knows how to spell it.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2020 09:13

You do realise your babies will grow up and hate each other so your friendship will drift apart anyhow.

And there was always two or three names that were really popular in school. Never caused an issue

bridgetreilly · 03/07/2020 10:10

For what it’s worth we vetoed a name because it was similar to the name my DH’s cousin had just used, and we will very rarely see them as they live in a different country!
That is just silly. It's not the same name and they're not even in the same country. You do realise there will be plenty of other people with the same name as your child?

Or they just don’t mind maybe?
Bingo.

Most people have a perfectly sane approach to naming their child which is: pick a name they like. That's it. That's all you have to do. Worrying about how popular or unpopular it might be, about whether your third cousin four times removed has a name that starts with the same letter, wondering if one of your friends or work colleagues might also like the same name - all of that is totally pointless and unnecessary.

ZombieLizzieBennet · 03/07/2020 10:16

I'd probably feel a bit miffed initially, even though I know I dont own the name. But.. you don't own the name. So I think it's ok for your initial response to be an unhappy one, we are allowed to be a bit unreasonable sometimes, but get over it quickly.

monotata · 03/07/2020 10:23

My DH has a friend with a daughter called Mia. He and his GF had her when they were about 18 and he’s 40 now so she’s grown up. My DH and I were considering names for our daughter last year and I mentioned Mia as it went well with our surname.

My DH said he didn’t like the idea of calling his daughter the same name as his friend’s dd even though she’s in her 20s!

YANBU!

Frozenfrogs86 · 03/07/2020 11:08

YANBU to feel upset but there is nothing you can do or say. It’s their choice. If it was a close relative I would ask them not to, but not a friend.

notalwaysalondoner · 03/07/2020 11:47

I don’t see the issue. But then I come from a huge extended family with multiple family names - we have many Georges, Olivias (including one who is over 90 so well ahead of the trend!), Lauras, Sophies, James... I just don’t see the big deal unless you hang out multiple times a week in which case I would find it annoying but not enough to cause a fuss about.

Namechanger2099 · 03/07/2020 12:49

Id be annoyed too but you cant do anything can you.

I'll never forget when i was TTC and I told my friend if i had a little girl id name her Kiera. Less than a year later shes pregnant with a little girl and calls her Kiera. I was slightly annoyed with friend but what can you do? I didn't own the name,

A year later I fell pregnant with my DD and named her...... Kiera Grin nothing and no one was going to stop me using the name i loved

LemonPeonies · 03/07/2020 12:58

There's a name I've wanted to use since I was a lot younger, a girls name that isn't popular atm. I have a DS but haven't a daughter yet. If any of my friends who know about this name used it I would be annoyed but if they didn't know then I guess it would look like I was copying them.

Roasties89 · 03/07/2020 12:58

I never understand this. It's a name. So what if your friend has copied it. So what if someone pinched the idea. It's not like it's immediate family. My cousin's have both got boys called Harry. It's not an issue to them. It doesn't change how your daughter will be seen.

Thefab3 · 03/07/2020 13:00

Freya? Hilda? Luna? Nell?
Sorry , it is a bit annoying I guess especially if you are close but agree that no one owns a name . It honestly wouldn’t bother me a bit but I can see how it might if someone had tried to be original etc.

custardbear · 03/07/2020 13:08

I think it's fine, you'll get over it, it's just out of your control so you're pissed off at the moment. Who is to say you may not even l ow them in a few years anyway. Or many people have the same view as you.
My DS was our second born and our name we'd picked out 6 years earlier was still the one we wanted but my
DH best friend also had a child of that name, I asked his best mate to check with his wife if she minded us calling our newborn the same name and she thought it was bonkers to even ask!

SayWhatNowNow · 03/07/2020 13:21

You said yourself that your friend said she always loved the name. You just got there first. That does not remove her right to use a name she always liked. With your attitude though, you will not be friends for much longer. Problem solved.

Dillydallyingthrough · 03/07/2020 13:28

Yabu, it's a name! Your DD is special to you as she is your DD, someone else naming their baby the same doesn't change that at all.

When I was younger half the class were called Sarah and many of the mums were friends, it just didn't seem to be the issue that it is today.

Nonnymum · 03/07/2020 14:09

think it’s too much to expect a person not to use a name they love because you happened to get there first.
I agree. It seems to be a recent trend that people don't like others to use the same name. It used to be common to have the same name as friends and even seen as a compliment is a friend used the same name as you had

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/07/2020 16:11

There's really no virtue in declining to use a name you love and want just because someone else has used it too. If it makes you change your mind about wanting to use it, that's your choice, but there really is no moral value in it, especially if it's going to make you resentful towards someone you otherwise like.

EmbarrassedUser · 03/07/2020 17:01

Get over it, no-one owns a name. Copy-write the name if you’re That bothered 😆😆

Fleamaker123 · 03/07/2020 17:19

There's not much you can do about it, but I can understand why you think it's a bit strange.
Years ago my friend was expecting her second child and in a general chatty conversation I told her what my favourite girl's name was, it had a special meaning. Quite unusual. She never commented.
Then she named baby that name.
I can't describe how pissed off I felt! To this day she makes a point of saying her husband chose it cos she bloody knows.
I know it's ridiculous really, and I don't own that name etc. But OP, I get why you feel like you do.

cherrybath · 03/07/2020 17:44

An exboyfriend of mine has two daughters, who he's called the same names as my girls. I think its weird....