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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 03/07/2020 17:45

I personally probably wouldn't choose a name that one of my close friends had called their child but I wouldn't be offended if one of them chose the same name as my daughter.

My daughter's name has become fairly common over recent years, which is a bit irritating, becasue I've loved the name long before this recent surge, so I can sympathise with you in yours not bri g the one and only, and your friend too in loving a name that's 'taken'. There are bigger problems in life though.

Mamacute · 03/07/2020 17:45

I’ve never understood why people choosing same names as your DCs bother people so much !
My goodness ! Unless you invented the name ?!?!

I’d be flattered, were any of my friends to name their kid same as mine !

Listen, there are more things in life, and I mean real problems to worry about.
🙄

Mirror2345 · 03/07/2020 17:54

My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. She confided in me the name she'd chosen if it were a girl. I loved it! A week later my Mum gave me a suggestion for a name - the same one! Weird because it's fairly unusual!

Now I could've been a cow and stolen it Grin I was due 3 weeks before her, and I knew I was having a girl (she didn't find out the sex) But I couldn't! It would've felt like I was stealing it, even though I know no one owns a name!

Said friend went onto have a girl as well, and give her the name. She's lovely and suits her name more than my DD ever would have to be fair! It's very feminine and my DD is happy rolling in the mud with all the boys!

I think it's a bit weird that she chose the same name as your DC. I think YA a little U to be upset by it, given you don't have many mutual friends, but I would have definitely raised a silent eyebrow myself if I were you.

Mermaid67 · 03/07/2020 18:10

When I was pregnant, a good friend of mine named her son Joel, a name we had chosen, in the end we had a girl but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because they moved away soon after and we lost touch!

simiisme · 03/07/2020 18:33

Terribly outing, but hey-ho:
I have about 5 cousins (some once removed, twice removed) called Danielle and a similar number called Daniel.
Whilst they're both nice names, I'm gobsmacked at the lack of originality.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/07/2020 18:42

I had always liked my DD's name and tbh if a friend got there first, I would still use it.

Ariela · 03/07/2020 18:45

Baby's not born yet. She may change her mind.

TreatMeNice · 03/07/2020 18:48

It's understandable you don't want to give your daughter's name as that's already been copied.

Couldn't the names be reversed or maybe spelt differently from each other.

As they grow up they might have nicknames which they'll adapt too, my friends wife named their son David Jefferson hoping he'd be called DJ as he grew up (that never happend).

Or you could go to the exstream to patent the name and have copyright like Beyoncé did with her daughter.

MadamShazam · 03/07/2020 18:49

Everyone saying YABU OP, they would all find it weird if their friends copied their childs name. Because it is weird. She should have just chosen another name. Lots of lovely names that are not common. YANBU.

NCjune20 · 03/07/2020 19:16

Yabu.

My DDs name has always been a name I loved, and knew if I ever had a daughter that would be the name I picked. It wouldn't have mattered if someone else I knew had already used it. My cousin and a work friend both had dds with the same name. Just because they had children first doesnt mean they own the names they picked. I wouldn't have been copying then, just using a name i already loved and wasnt prepared to give up just because someone else also liked the same name and got in there first. Nobody owns a name.

Lisa82sim · 03/07/2020 19:37

What's the big deal? It's just a name. You don't own it, and there's probably many people who actually do have it. You're being very silly.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/07/2020 19:40

Parents care about this far more than the kids do.

MimiSunshine · 03/07/2020 19:59

OP I get where you’re coming from.

When I was pregnant with my first, I had two friends who were also pregnant too. 1 due after me with her 1st and I was fairly sure we had slightly different taste in names.
But 1 due before me with her 2nd and also different taste in names.

One day she tells me that ‘she heard a name today that she’s never considered before and was pretty unusual but really loved’.
It was our first choice Name 😬 (And not really unusual but just not her style).

I decided to tell her that was our first choice, basically in the hope she wouldn’t then use it.
She had a different sex anyway in the end but I doubt she’d have used it as it’s quite a different Style to her 1st born.

A year before I had my 1st I had a name I loved, it was uncommon but known and I was sure if I was pregnant that would be the 1st choice.
A friend was pregnant with her 2nd and she announced they were using that name (she had no idea I lived it). I was gutted for my non-existant baby.

A year later when I announced I was pregnant the 2nd thing she said after congratulations was ‘use the name if you still love it’. Which was lovely of her but by then that name wasn’t ‘my’ name anymore and I didn’t.

So I do get how you feel and why you feel
You would behave differently but ultimately it sounds like she’s always liked the name and would be gutted not to have a daughter with that name

Rache49 · 03/07/2020 20:03

Have you thought it might be an honour that she likes the name and wants it for her child. I would be chuffed to be honest. It will be a talking point with the little ones as they grow up. Life is just too short right now to be worried about a name.

ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew · 03/07/2020 20:05

I chose the same name as my friend less than 3 months later. The DC are now best friends and think it's cool they have the same name. Friend didn't care as I explained it's been DH's and my favourite name forever. YABU.

Doggybiccys · 03/07/2020 20:05

This is one of these threads that makes me realise I’m not as nuts as I thought I was. Really could not get worked up about this. If anything, she will look daft for “copying” you. The kids won’t give a shiny shite and will probs find it fun.

Rache49 · 03/07/2020 20:10

There were 3 Rachel's in my Class in school. It was a popular name but my Parents didn't have a hissy fit because of it. It was just interesting in class for a while as our name was called and we all answered. Unless we are celebs , we don't have the monopoly on who owns a name.

Rache49 · 03/07/2020 20:20

Dillydallyingthrough. Yes back in the 1970s it wasn't an issue. There were 3 Rachels in my class in school and a fair few more in our Church group but it didn't matter. Was funny sometimes but we didn't get hissy when another Parent said that their Baby was a Rachel. It was a popular name that didn't date.

FortniteBoysMum · 03/07/2020 20:22

I get where your coming from. I had my first 2 months after a friend had hers. Luckily different genders. When I fell pregnant with my second she was deciding on a name for her second which was a boy. I mentioned I was thinking og Sophia for a girl and Callum for a boy. She said she was not sure. Four weeks later her son was born and she used the name I had picked. I ended up going with a different name despite the fact we live 150 miles apart because it would seen weird when I visit and mutual friends would think I had copied her when in fact it was going to be my child's name first. If your really concerned you can say it might be a bit confusing when your all together but that's all you can really do.

GreenTulips · 03/07/2020 20:27

There were 3 Rachel's in my Class in school

Totally different scenario - fiat the parents weren’t necessarily friends.
Second, the name is unusual - so unlikely to be a top 20 name.

Saoirse7 · 03/07/2020 22:05

A top 20 name means nothing tbf. It is based on a nationwide poll of names. Regionally this will be very different.

Bizawit · 03/07/2020 22:18

I think you are being silly and precious. Especially when you say:
I actually almost wish we'd got pregnant second so I could give her a different name that we all associate and love with her. sad even if it wasn't our favourite!

Your child is already here, and her name is already associated with her and loved. Lots of people have the same name , including with others they are close to. It’s normal and it’s no big deal. It doesn’t make your child any less unique, special and loved. If you wanted your daughter to have a unique name, you should have made one up. When the new baby comes I don’t think you’ll give it much more thought - and nobody else will care - it’s superficial.

Celestine70 · 03/07/2020 22:23

Get over yourself.

BlackberryandNettle · 03/07/2020 22:27

She obviously already liked it and was probably a bit gutted when you used it. No reason for her not to use it too though in my opinion, just because one friend has already. Try to look at it positively - your daughter will probably love someone else sharing her name

Leflic · 03/07/2020 22:40

What's the big deal? It's just a name.

Well there wouldn't be a whole section on MN, endless books on the subject and records of the top 100 every year if it was “just a name”.

The grating bit us the lack of any reason for copying the unusual name, thus rendering one it’s attractions invalid for the Op.If she wanted her DD to have the same name as other kids she’d gave gone for a popular one.