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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
M2B19 · 03/07/2020 22:41

I’d be similarly gutted. We’ve had three of our closest friends give birth to girls as well and luckily they were all given different names but had someone had the same as my DD I would have found that very strange considering how close we all are. Unfortunately though you can’t do anything about it. I would never do it personally but I think that probably says more about me being a pushover than anything else, similar to what you said previously. It’s upsetting sometimes to realise people don’t behave in the same way we do and can come as quite a shock. I do feel for you.

Giganticshark · 03/07/2020 22:44

Change your child's name. Grin

walterwhitesgf · 03/07/2020 22:58

My daughter had a relatively unusual name 36 years ago . Two friends of mine who had babies shortly after told me they had named their daughters after mine. We lived within a square mile of each other. Children went to same school, we had same friendship groups. I was flattered if anything and it was never a problem. You cant bag a name

Eboney7 · 03/07/2020 23:17

My friend did that to me 3 years ago, but she did ask me and kind of took my permission if can name her son like my son, it was okay with me as my son is older and by the time her son is in primary school my son will be in high school. I thought it was weird at the start but then she explained how much she loves my sons name .

You know what take your daughter to different school so you don’t see her as much..

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 03/07/2020 23:46

Before anyone could know the sex of their child we had chosen a girl's name and a boy's name. We had a girl but in between my son being born 3 years later a close friend chose the same name for her son. It honestly never occurred to me to call my boy a different name. It goes really well with our surname and I still love it. Now I'm thinking maybe friend didn't like that we did that but it was over 30 years ago so I don't care 😂

GreenTulips · 03/07/2020 23:51

so I don't care

I think that sums it up.

Those who don’t care if they upset friends and those who do.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 23:54

If friends choose to be upset by a decision you make that really doesn't concern them, that's on them.

Tillygetsit · 03/07/2020 23:56

Meh. Your dd will be no less special and you can console yourself that she is the original "Gertrude".

NaNaNaNaNaNaBaNaNa · 04/07/2020 01:19

Time for an adorable nickname for your daughter then!

Fabulousdahlink · 04/07/2020 06:00

I wouldnt worry. Other people as you've read above wont care and neither should you. If you are so botherered can you double barrel your daughers christian names eg evelyn- mae to distinguish her from the new eveln when she arrives? Your daughter and family will soon adapt if it's such a big deal to you. Just recall all the times you got told off as a kid and your parents used ALL your first names ...you knew that meant you ! I'm sure your daughter is unique and speciql to you..and that your unique and special name is very her- I too have one of those names...and as a child hated it ( no jewellery or hats or mugs with it on...the pain was real !!!!) constantly mis spelt and mispronounced. I shortened it in the end...and everyone calls me by that name now anyway. Sorry to tell you this but teenagers often make a nickname anyway. My ex is still known by his nickname by friends and he''s in his late 50's! 6You are a little oversensitive here...and it might not matter anyway later in life is what I'm saying. Let this go now...there are bigger worries in tbe world tbh that a second evelyn/ evalynn/ evie in a classroom !

blubberball · 04/07/2020 06:25

When I was pregnant, my sil asked me not to use a name she had her heart set on if the baby was a girl. She wasn't even pregnant, and didn't have a baby until several years later. I had a ds any way, so it was not an issue.

But I just thought that it was a weird thing to say to someone, and I would never say that to someone having a baby. It's their baby, they can name their baby what they like, and it's none of my business. If it happens to be the same name I like then tough. I can name my babies what l like, and it's no one else's business.

madwoman1ntheattic · 04/07/2020 06:32

We chose a name that barely anyone had heard of for dd. Three months later a c-lister had a baby and used the name and it belted to top 10 and was so ubiquitous that everyone on mn girl name threads basically said ‘anything but x’
I had to emigrate to resolve the ubiquity.

I do have a mate who used the same name. And my son has the same name as three friends. Grin
Just emigrate, honestly. Grin

Bluehues · 04/07/2020 06:43

Don’t lose a friend over it, your dd is older so everyone who knows you both will know you chose it first.

AdoreTheBeach · 04/07/2020 07:03

Really, if it’s a name she’s always liked, just because you got pregnant first, why does that mean she can’t use the name? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don’t own the name.

If it really bothers you, refer to her child as

Little (name)
Or

(name) two

Or

By her first name and middle name to differentiate.

Wineywoman · 04/07/2020 09:24

I've come across this kind of wimpey nonsense before. For god's sake, get over it - we all think our own kids are special, but it isn't on anybody else to promote that by not using a name you have already chosen. There isn't a premium on names, neither are any of us more precious and therefore deserve to choose it for our child over anyone else in a hundred mile radius.
I came across so mbm nobody whinging g when a friend chose purple and lilac as their wedding theme colours - even though they had announced said colour scheme for their own shindig three months later. It's the same thing. Nobody owns the rights to these colours. They are universally owned. So yes, YABVU and petty, into the bargain. What if she has wanted that name for years...who are you to slap a don't touch order on it?

If you want to keep a name from ever being repeated, choose Colon or Gravel or Tree Stump or Farty.

Wineywoman · 04/07/2020 09:27

Sorry for those errors. I'm too dim to know how to correct them after posting. (Just call me Brainfree.)

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 04/07/2020 09:38

I do understand what you mean. You chose it to be unique and special to you. She has "ripped you off" in a way and needs to choose another. It shows a real lack of imagination and lack of insight on her part. You will probably be less friendly in the future bit by bit. Enjoy your lovely name xxx

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/07/2020 09:41

Ds1 has a very rare name. Only 7 babies shared it in the year he was born.

One of them ended up in his class at primary. 🤷‍♀️

Redissuereader · 04/07/2020 09:49

My daughter was born a week or two later than my cousins daughter. We had already picked our name and then my cousin used it. We hadn’t discussed that we’d decided on names. I panicked and thought about changing it and then I realised that it didn’t matter as we both loved the name and it meant something different to both of us but equally important so we now both have daughters with the same name. There’s no drama or hard feelings though

Her1mum · 04/07/2020 10:02

I'd find it annoying too. I'd never choose the same name if I knew our two families would be in close contact for years. I know it's just a name but there are so many other names she could have chosen.

Saoirse7 · 04/07/2020 10:23

@GreenTulips

so I don't care

I think that sums it up.

Those who don’t care if they upset friends and those who do.

There is a difference in 'upsetting friends' by choosing the name because they chose it and upsetting them by virtue of having a name for years and them happening to be pregnant first.
oblada · 04/07/2020 10:27

Well unless you make up the names for your children from 'scratch' then others are bound to use it too...
Fwiw all my kids' name are effectively made up but they are not weird or anything - they are Indian names, each part is a name/has a meaning but the whole thing together is in effect 'made up'. Their short names/nicknames are more or less "normal" names though unusual. If someone was to use the same names that's up to them really I'm not bothered. It would be v odd for them to use the full names as clearly they would have clearly meant to 'copy' but whatever floats their boat. Most likely they'd use a slightly different version/variant.
It helps that we live in the UK in a place where immigration rates are extremely low so can't imagine much risk of having another kid with a similar name at school...

Extraordinarymagic · 04/07/2020 11:34

@WorkHardPlayHard1 why does it show “a real lack of imagination” it’s quite clear the friend had already decided on this name BEFORE the op called her daughter it.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/07/2020 11:36

[quote Extraordinarymagic]@WorkHardPlayHard1 why does it show “a real lack of imagination” it’s quite clear the friend had already decided on this name BEFORE the op called her daughter it.[/quote]
The lack of imagination is not quite where WorkHard thinks it is.

Eboney7 · 04/07/2020 12:01

Headache after eating food early pregnancy !
Anyone experienced headaches and tired after eating in very early pregnancy?

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