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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Kittytheteapot · 02/07/2020 13:44

I don't even think it is odd you both independently like the same name. You are friends. You probably like a lot of the same things. A couple of my friends both have a daughter with the same name (though wider age gap). I am not aware it is a problem for either of them.

Original poster
OohAHzeah · 02/07/2020 13:44

We have made it 15 years I dont intend to stop being friends. The current babies and small children are involved in our gathering and spend time together. There is the (name changes) baby Jake, little boy Ezra, little girl Stefania. I chose my DD and now the same name for this new baby. Really dont think this makes me unreasonable to, as I said, literally just raise an eyebrow!

I grew up with a common name (think Katie, Becky in the 90s) and hated how everyone had it. I know everyone can't be unique and I get that, but for someone who will be in our lives so much, it just made me feel a bit bad for dd. I actually almost wish we'd got pregnant second so I could give her a different name that we all associate and love with her. :( even if it wasn't our favourite!

But doesn't matter, I'm clearly so unreasonable! I'm going to be polite and be honest that I find it a bit odd, but of course I understand why she loves it too. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
OohAHzeah · 02/07/2020 13:46

And maybe it's a kick in the teeth for me as had made me realise how much I change my plans for other people Blush and the realisation that other people wouldn't do the same back.

Maybe I should call a future ds the same as the other boy in the group! Hmm

OP posts:
PinkSpring · 02/07/2020 13:47

@OohAHzeah same thing happened to me!

I had DD, a work colleague/friend gets pregnant not long after and has a girl and uses the same name. It's not a common name, not top 100 anyway so it was an odd thing to do.

She claims it was her favourite girls name when others pointed out she has used my DD's name......

Luckily, we don't really socialise outside of work and don't live in the same area so they won't go to the same school or anything. However, I still think it's a weird thing to do.....

Original poster
OohAHzeah · 02/07/2020 13:51

I think if it was a few years different it would feel less ridiculous. She's still a tiny baby.

Anyway, most of you think I'm unreasonable I know 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
OohAHzeah · 02/07/2020 13:51

Thanks @PinkSpring at least you get it! Imagine if you were really close!

OP posts:
Hippee · 02/07/2020 13:57

We did this. We already loved a name that friends of ours used first. We did ask if they minded and they were fine and our DSs really love that they know someone else with their slightly unusual name.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/07/2020 14:09

So will they be going to the same school op? Can one of you use a diminutive?

BabyLlamaZen · 02/07/2020 14:18

Really weird...

I think it's nice you asked @Hippee. The fact the friend didn't even say anything op does sound a bit harsh and awkward.

damnthatanxiety · 02/07/2020 14:24

So you think you have dibs on it because you got pregnant first? Grow up

BabyLlamaZen · 02/07/2020 14:26

Dont be ridiculous @damnthatanxiety you clearly haven't read the thread.

sonjadog · 02/07/2020 14:33

I think that as you have been friends for so long, it isn't odd that you react a bit to her choosing the name, but I suspect that if she does indeed use the name, it won't be a big deal in reality.

A work colleague or a more distant friend wouldn't even register with me. People come and go in life and I can't imagine not using a name I loved for my child because of someone who might disappear from my life after a short while.

grisen · 02/07/2020 15:08

We had our son last year after being together for 6 years at the time. We had always said we liked our son’s name. It was my grandad’s name, I have two cousins called that name, my sister has the female form of it as her middle name.

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 15:22

Reading your update @OohAHzeah it sounds like you are projecting your own issues onto this situation. How you had a common name and didn’t like it so gave your baby an unusual name that it now turns out isn’t so unusual. Unless you made up a brand new name it’s not your name to feel this possessive over it. For the sake of your friendship you need to bear in mind that your friend hasn’t done anything to you.

She is having a baby with her husband and calling her baby her favourite baby name. I’m sorry you’re upset it’s the same as yours but that is the reality of what is happening in their lives and it’s nothing to do with you and your daughter and how ‘special’ she is or otherwise.

fonxey · 02/07/2020 16:33

I can kinda see the frustration. But she may have looked that name and planned to use it for a long thine and I imagine might have felt really disappointed that you (unknowingly) chose it for your own dd. Maybe they should have spoken about it even if just to reference bit maybe teddy just didn't want to make an issue or if a name?

For me personally i guess I'd have had to think about it really carefully. If it was a name I really liked and had always planned on using, and I couldn't think of another, then I would choose it regardless.

Anyway, it may be nice for both children to share a name. I had a friend who also shared my name. It isn't an unusual name, bit it isn't overly common either. Your likely to come across it, but not so common.

You wanted to avoid your dd having a common name, but your daughter might prefer having a more "normal" name to fit in. So it might provide some balance for her!

When we choose a name for ours we didn't want a common name, bit we didn't want her name to be so different either.

2andahalfpints · 02/07/2020 21:33

My best friend commented that my dds name was her favourite girls name when we named her, I didn't know we had never talked about it. I was gutted when she had her daughter and chose a different name! I would never have chose for our dds to have the same name but I felt awful like I had took it from her so I think you are being unreasonable and yabvu in your reactions to people telling you

Justjoshin22 · 02/07/2020 21:37

If one of my best friends chose my dds name for her little one I’d be surprised but not in a bad way, if anything I think it would be a compliment.
That said, you feel how you feel! I don’t think it’s reasonable to be pissed off, for loads of reasons set out by other posters, but as long as you don’t act on it, ie. say to your friend, or bitch to mutual friends, I think you can have a moan to your husband and then move on :)
Like you say, it’s probably more about you feeling like you wouldn’t do the same thing but honestly, most people wouldn’t be upset

Warpdrive · 02/07/2020 21:48

I have 1 cousin. Just 1. She is 5 years younger than me. And she has the same name as me.

All my life I've wondered why my aunt couldn't pick another name, wasn't it weird at the time? what did my parents think? why did my aunt and uncle do that? what did my grandparents think - they literally have only 2 granddaughters and they both have the same name. But it seems that no-one thinks its strange but me.

Everyone's different I guess - just like you OP, I think its strange. But if your friend doesn't there isn't anything you can do about it but suck it up.

chocolicious · 02/07/2020 22:00

One of my closest friends and I were pregnant at the same time.She due 3 months before I was.We we're discussing baby names and both said we liked the same boys name. My friend had a DS and used the name we both liked.DH and I decided on another boys name. I ended up having a DD .

Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 02/07/2020 22:02

I think you will adjust. I'm going to have this issue. My best mate named her daughter e.g. Ann and I've always had e.g. Annabelle as my chosen name for a future daughter. Haven't bothered to tell her because it would be pointless - the inspiration behind both is separate and I've been attached to the name longer than I've been friends with her. I hope she won't mind but life is too short.

DoTheMaccaroni · 03/07/2020 00:08

Oh I’d be absolutely fuming!!! There were only 4 kids born with my dd‘s name the year she was born and I worked so hard to find a name that nobody else would be likely to choose. That being said, there would be f*ck all I could do about it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/07/2020 00:59

I worked so hard to find a name that nobody else would be likely to choose

Why?

Not criticizing, just curious. Why did it matter so much that your child had a unique name? As I posted above, I was one of many thousands of girls with my name (bit of a give away but it was #1 for 20 odd years) and I got over it. I was unique because each human is.

POP7777777 · 03/07/2020 01:03

I'm completely with you on this one. I'd be gutted.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/07/2020 01:03

And FWIW, my DD is the only person in the whole world with her name. Her first name is unremarkable by being a traditional (old fashioned if you prefer, an old Royal name) UK name but thanks to her fathers roots mixed with my UK surname, she is the only person who has her surname, so its not always about the first name. But she could be called Lily Mae Smith and be unique because she is... unique! As are you and I

Rubyupbeat · 03/07/2020 01:07

If I had always liked a name, then I would use it.
Theres no ownership or copyright on babies names.