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Original poster

Pocket money for 20 yr old

273 replies

Wigglegiggle0520 · 01/07/2020 14:23

Just seen another thread about pocket money for children.

DSD 20 yr old has just dropped out of uni. she stayed at home and lives with mum and step dad.

We give her £170 a month for living expenses. I doubt her mum asks her for anything but she may do.

DSD has just got her old job back starting in September earning around £12,000 a year.

What would you do regarding the money given to her each month? Keep the same or reduce?

We only found out she had dropped out of uni when she’d had it confirmed she had got her old job back so not entirely sure when the decision was made and when she stopped studying.

We don’t have an opinion either way really. We can afford it but obviously DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

YABU - keep same for next 2 months
YANBU - reduce amount

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 01/07/2020 19:23

She can sign on if she's dropped out of uni and is unemployed and needs cash!

If DD was leaving uni and looking for work, I’d much rather support her myself (assuming I’ll still be able to do so) than her taking money from the Government coffers which are stretched to the limit.

But of course, this is MN where you kick adult children out aged 18 and refuse to help them, leaving them penniless and struggling.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 01/07/2020 19:25

Claiming a conditional benefit you are entitled to vs mooching off your parents? If you cant see the difference then I'm not sure having it explained would help you very much...

BeautifulCrazy · 01/07/2020 19:26

But of course, this is MN where you kick adult children out aged 18 and refuse to help them, leaving them penniless and struggling.

🤣 Yes. A competition of who can do the least for their kids.

jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 19:26

People are very good at saying, "When I was her age...", etc. It's not relevant, we are not 'her'. There's also a lot of speculation about the girl dropping out of uni but plenty do and for good reasons.

I don't think it is unreasonable to help adult children if the child needs it and parents can afford to do so. They in turn can help their children if and when the time comes.

It's not as if the girl intends to be unemployed forever, she does at least have a job to go to in September, albeit not very well paid.

At the end of the day, it is up to parents if and how they help their kids; I doubt the op is going to advertise it to her friends and family, it's a private matter but her stepdaughter will never forget the generosity shown at a time in her life when it was very welcome.

In a few months, she won't need it, it's not as if she is expecting financial support indefinitely.

My mum used to bung me a few bob regularly even when I was over forty! I don't need money now but am happy to help out with mine.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 19:27

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I’d rather give my child money that I can afford to than her claim from a system that is already struggling, and was struggling before this pandemic.

Either way they are receiving money whilst looking/waiting for a job to start! So no, I don’t really see the difference!

Rainbow12e · 01/07/2020 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goingoverground · 01/07/2020 19:28

@Nousernameforme

Is this a thing? That you have to give your uni goers an allowance every month? I will have 2 who are hoping to go next year they will still live at home but I thought that is what part time jobs were for. I simple couldn't afford to chuck £500 a month on the pair of them.
@Nousernameforme Here is the gov.uk student finance calculator so you can see what your DC are entitled to in loans. Everyone gets a loan for tuition fees but the maintenance loan is means tested based on the student's parents' income. Parents are expected to top up the loan. Unfortunately, if the student's parents are no longer together, it is based on the household income of the parent they live with most of the time, so it includes any step parent's income, whether they contribute or not.

It's worth looking at the university site to see their suggested budget and to see if they give student bursaries. In London, even the full student loan barely covers living costs so it is worth bearing that in mind when choosing where to apply.

Obviously your DC can work during the summer holidays to top up the loan too although some universities/courses don't allow work during term time.

www.gov.uk/student-finance-calculator

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 19:30

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

Also realised you called it sponging! So it’s ok to ‘sponge’ from the government but not your family?!!!!

Ragwort · 01/07/2020 19:33

Why can't she get a babysitting or informal child care job until she starts her TA job? Parents are desperate for help and I am sure someone would employ her cash in hand.

As soon as our 19 year old DS came home from uni for lockdown we immediately stopped his monthly allowance (which was to top up the maintenance loan to the full amount - no more). He couldn't find a job immediately so went out washing cars, now working in a factory. You are doing your SD no favours by giving her "pocket money".

canigooutyet · 01/07/2020 19:35

1000 a month and living at home should be more than manageable for her. People are having to pay rent and living expenses on that.

If she has any skills lots of companies are hiring for people to wfh including Ebay and Amazon. One of mine was furloughed at the beginning got work online, another one recently and is now CS for Ebay USA, despite never working in CS.

@SunshineCake If she does, she will continue to work. She's doing to professional training at the moment through work and has worked out how she can do both.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 01/07/2020 19:40

I don't see jobseekers as sponging. You have to be actively looking for work a certain amount of hours a week and prove you are doing it, you have to do volunteering placements and attend courses and you have to make the effort to attend your 2 weekly meetings and jump through hoops to apply for it in the first place.

Or you just get pocket money from your family.

Yeah, there's a difference....

bridgetreilly · 01/07/2020 19:44

I think it's generous and kind to be giving her something until September, particularly right now, when it may not be all that easy to get a casual job over the summer, but I absolutely wouldn't continue after that. She's an adult and she needs to stand on her own two feet.

Nousernameforme · 01/07/2020 19:44

*But of course, this is MN where you kick adult children out aged 18 and refuse to help them, leaving them penniless and struggling.

🤣 Yes. A competition of who can do the least for their kids.*

Maybe it's because I am at the other end of it financially but I always see it differently on here. It's full of people chucking money at kids this allowance being one of them and tiptoeing round adult children. I am not of the turf them out when they hit 18 sort but I do want them to grow up and leave at some point as well.

MissJaneLockland · 01/07/2020 19:48

Good parents will help their kids out at Uni if they can afford it. Everyone I know with kids at Uni do this.

OP's DSD is no longer at uni though, so she can earn her own money.

canigooutyet · 01/07/2020 19:48

@Ragwort
That is a very good suggestion, lots of parents are in dire need of childcare for over the summer holidays.

Babesinthewud · 01/07/2020 19:49

She’s got 2 feet...... she should be standing on them Confused

Whenwillthisbeover · 01/07/2020 19:50

I would give it to her until her job starts but tell her now It stops on xXx date. There is a pandemic on and it’s unlikely she will get anything in between, she will soon work out 975.00 a month after deductions isn’t going to be able to support her long term which will give her the incentive to better herself.

If you are topping her up she won’t have any incentive to get a better job..

hardboiledeggs · 01/07/2020 19:55

Seriously? She's got it made hasn't she.

BeautifulCrazy · 01/07/2020 19:55

Maybe it's because I am at the other end of it financially but I always see it differently on here. It's full of people chucking money at kids this allowance being one of them and tiptoeing round adult children. I am not of the turf them out when they hit 18 sort but I do want them to grow up and leave at some point as well.

Once they’re working full time then I agree they should pay for everything themselves. If they’re studying though then it’s completely different as long as parents can afford it.

I will help my kids financially when they’re at college and Uni, we can afford to help them and I don’t want them to struggle and not have the time or money to have any fun. They’ll work part time as well. It’s just some parents seem to want their kids to learn that life is a struggle and they can’t wait for them to have that struggle. Some posters seem to begrudge that other parents help their kids out. I can’t stand that.

It’s possible to help your kids out whilst teaching them the value of money.

Veterinari · 01/07/2020 20:04

DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

If she's an adult then treat her like one. She doesn't have living expenses when she's at home with her mum. She's deceived you by taking money that was meant for uni living expenses despite not being at uni. Stop funding her entitlement. She's an adult - at her age I was at uni and had a job

Metallicalover · 01/07/2020 20:04

@Nousernameforme I agree with you. My parents didn't want me to struggle it's just if I wanted to do things I had to pay for it myself. They gave me a roof over my head and home cooked meals. When I was 16 I wanted to earn my own money and buy my own clothes, pay for driving lessons and save for my car. They did give me money towards my car and I'm very grateful for that. At uni I lived at home and due to training to be a nurse it was a very full on course where you don't get uni holidays either but I got a bursary and worked extra shifts and paid a little board to my parents.
I'm very good at budgeting and saving and I think it's done me the world of good.
All of my friends were the same, got jobs at 16 and went from there!

trappedbytheangel · 01/07/2020 20:15

What on earth???? This can't be real. She can get a job and pay some rent.

Dailyjunglegrind · 01/07/2020 20:23

At 20, she can vote, she is independent. I am all for allowing children to make adult decisions at that age, hence they can face to fund their own lifestyle. The mere fact she is living at home, means she is being supported, for the basics. This shouldn't include "pocket money", that should be a motivating issue to get a job if she has forfeited her education.

Its not the amount thats is of dispute it is her motivation (or lack of) to actively do something that will improver her outlook and prospects in life. Help up not hand out.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 20:26

Jeez the girls got a job starting in sept, she’s not going to be bumming about for a year.

I would rather my child avoid a job in a supermarket or somewhere else high risk at the moment if I could afford it!

Maureenthecat · 01/07/2020 20:31

Just call it a loan or gift rather than pocket money

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