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Original poster

Pocket money for 20 yr old

273 replies

Wigglegiggle0520 · 01/07/2020 14:23

Just seen another thread about pocket money for children.

DSD 20 yr old has just dropped out of uni. she stayed at home and lives with mum and step dad.

We give her £170 a month for living expenses. I doubt her mum asks her for anything but she may do.

DSD has just got her old job back starting in September earning around £12,000 a year.

What would you do regarding the money given to her each month? Keep the same or reduce?

We only found out she had dropped out of uni when she’d had it confirmed she had got her old job back so not entirely sure when the decision was made and when she stopped studying.

We don’t have an opinion either way really. We can afford it but obviously DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

YABU - keep same for next 2 months
YANBU - reduce amount

OP posts:
notalwaysalondoner · 01/07/2020 17:49

If she has somewhere to live and food provided then no, I wouldn’t be giving her pocket money. When my siblings have had gaps between jobs and lived at home my parents haven’t provided anything, it’s understood that they have the essentials provided so anything else they want they have to figure out how to pay for (hint:job) or ask for. Ideally she’d have some savings from her allowance anyway? If not, I would probably sit her down and say “now you aren’t studying and are living at home you don’t need living costs, well done on getting your old job back, we’re going to stop your allowance now, we’re pleased you’ve been proactive about employment and proud you won’t need our support any more”.

I can see if her job doesn’t start until September it might be a nice gesture to support her for a couple more months - many students are supported at that age. I suppose it depends on how grateful she is - if she didn’t tell you about dropping out it suggests she takes it for granted and I’d be tempted to stop and let her learn money doesn’t grow on trees.

whiteblue · 01/07/2020 17:54

I'd give her some money for sure. And with pleasure. If you can afford it, why not?

janinlondon · 01/07/2020 17:54

Nousernameforme - have a look at Moneysavingexpert.com - they give you the details of what you are expected to provide to your university student children IF they are not on the full maintenance loan. If you are not able to pay for them, it is likely your family income will be low enough that you won't have to. It is your family income that is assessed - they are not considered as independent.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/07/2020 17:57

Bit confused over the relationship.

This is your husband's daughter but not yours- and she lives with her mum and her mum's new husband?

She may be entitled to some sort of benefits.

Uni's all closed down at the start o f lockdown anyway so she would have been at home for months now- all the people I know at uni are home .

ComeBy · 01/07/2020 17:58

I would give her notice that the money will stop once she starts earning.

Do 20 yos expect pocket money if they are not studying (when it is maintenance) and they have a job? Confused

In fact I would phrase it as 'now that you are not a student you won't need the maintenance contribution - we'll keep it going until you get your first salary payment at the end of September'.

IndiaMay · 01/07/2020 18:00

Are you joking Confused

Didnt get anything at all through uni, I worked part time to top up my minimal loan. Moved home after uni to save for a deposit for a house for 4 years and paid my mum 10% of my take home salary as rent.

BeautifulCrazy · 01/07/2020 18:03

It’s perfectly normal to help your kids out financially when they go to Uni. If my kids live at home when they go though then I wouldn’t expect to have to contribute so much cash as they wouldn’t have to pay for housing and food. I’d give some cash to help with phone, car etc but I’d expect them to be working part time as well.

In your position, I’d expect her dad to have a chat with her. If she has any bills then I’d cover them until her new job starts. Once she’s working then I’d expect her to pay for everything herself.

I’d be very disappointed that she dropped out of uni without talking to me, especially as I was supporting her financially but also because as a parent I would be interested. I’d expect to be told and know her reasons.

Also, I’d be concerned that she’s gone from being at Uni to going back to a £12000 per year job. Does the job have the potential for promotion and earning more?

MissJaneLockland · 01/07/2020 18:06

As she is only earning £12,000 a year I'd continue to give her the small allowance that you already do, for the time being.

Or give her nothing and let her earn her own money.
If it's not enough she'll have to work her way up or get another job. Meanwhile she'll have to learn to budget.

My 18 yr old DD has had a part time job since 15 and wouldn't accept anything from us. Your DSD needs to learn to stand on her own two feet.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 18:07

If my 20 year old is struggling and I am financially able to I would give them
A monthly pocket money to tide them over. Don’t see why I wouldn’t?! I was rubbish with money when younger so I transferred them my uni student loan and they gave it to me every 2 weeks and topped it up a bit, but then I worked over all the holidays in a restaurant to save more!

These are hard times and I don’t see why a someone should be made to feel bad for helping out their child, albeit a grown up child.

I’m 33 and my parents still give me money!

MissJaneLockland · 01/07/2020 18:10

I'd give her some money for sure. And with pleasure. If you can afford it, why not?

Because it's not doing her any favours. She thinks she can drop out of uni and sit on her backside until September holding her hand out? Hmm

I’m 33 and my parents still give me money!

Erm why?

Sheenais · 01/07/2020 18:11

My daughter took a break from uni and had to get a job. We still paid for her phone, car, Spotify, Netflix, etc and I would put essentials on a weekly shop and buy her ridiculously expensive bras, so she still got an ok deal really. She had to pay for all the fun stuff though, she soon decided to go back to uni where we support her fully. Maybe try that if you want her to go back.

smallaxe · 01/07/2020 18:12

This might be a good time to ask when I should stop paying allowance/pocket-money to someone in their last year of uni? June, July, August? I think it would be embarrassing for both of us if I carry on giving him an allowance when he's 'left'.

Not having progressed past 5th form myself i don't really know how it works.

Rowan8 · 01/07/2020 18:13

Hi @Wigglegiggle0520,

If you can afford it, just continue until she starts her new job. I’m sure her dad and you are disappointed in the decision she’s made, but at her age, what can you really do.
The norm is to pay maintenance to studying children until a day before they are 21. Personally I don’t see the harm continuing and stop as soon as she starts to earn.
Keep the relationship without any angst at this time, she’s not confided why she dropped out, maybe Covid loosing so much lecture time.
Just support as always would be my take.
Wink

whiteblue · 01/07/2020 18:13

@MissJaneLockland
Or maybe a bit of money would be helpful to her? And make her life more comfortable until the job starts?
I'd give my DD money without a doubt.

smallaxe · 01/07/2020 18:15

I’m 33 and my parents still give me money!

Erm why?

Presumably because it's a fucking struggle for young people nowadays. I'm in my early 50s and I struggled until recently. I was in a shit situation (1981 school-leaver) but DS (22) is in a worse one.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 01/07/2020 18:15

14:28Subeccoo

Ds 20 dropped out of uni and his 250 a month stopped with immediate effect and he had to get a job. He now gives me 10% of whatever he earns, he's had a well paying job since then and now a not so well paid job, 10% whichever.
I really strongly disagree with the idea of giving a 20 year old free money, feels very strange but each to their own I guess.

this exactly very similar to my story

Rowan8 · 01/07/2020 18:16

@vanillandhoney

Completely agree with your and other similar post/s you referred to.

zingally · 01/07/2020 18:19

My parents sent me £200 a month to live on whilst at uni, which was incredibly generous. But the minute I graduated, that money stopped and I was expected to get a job.
I did, and earned about £750 a month. I was still living at home and was expected to pay £100 a month for my food and board. Anything after that was mine to do with as I wanted.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 18:20

@MissJaneLockland
Because they’ve got more money than us and both retired without a mortgage and don’t need it. Saves on inheritance tax as well I guess. They are happy to give it and I’m very grateful. Both me and my OH have worked since we’ve been 16 so am not work shy at all.

Most the money they give I save it for my children for when they are older so they won’t have to struggle like we do.

Why would you want your child to struggle when you could help?

Maybe her child was struggling at uni and then Lockdown Happens so now trying to study online and alone... could be many valid reasons why they dropped out!

KnobblyWand · 01/07/2020 18:23

I was 20 ten years ago and I had a job, a baby and a rented house!

On an unrelated note, are you in the market for adopting a 30 year old?

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/07/2020 18:24

There wasn’t a pandemic 10 years ago!

RuthW · 01/07/2020 18:25

20 year old don't get pocket money, they have to work the same as anyone over 18

Skyr2 · 01/07/2020 18:26

It’s the term pocket money which is misleading.

Parents are expected to contribute c£4,800 per year if students get minimum maintenance loan, I would not call that pocket money it is parental contribution towards living expenses if living away from home.

Now she isn’t a student You could continue to pay until she started FT work which is only a few months, if you are in a position to afford it. If not in position to afford it then stop.

She may only have finished in June so it’s only a few months, she could always do her teacher training with experience of TA for a few years if she wants to go back to uni.

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/07/2020 18:28

It’s maintenance rather than pocket money. I would stop it after she is working but i don’t think it’s unreasonable not to cut it off immediately.

dancinfeet · 01/07/2020 18:29

Eh? my DD is home from college not by choice and has been actively searching for a summer job, unsuccessful so far. I don't give her pocket money but do add personal items (deodorant, tampons and so on) to the weekly grocery shopping. I have given her odd bits of money, a fiver her or there, but pocket money?? Nope.