Pocket money for 20 yr old

[Wigglegiggle0520]

Just seen another thread about pocket money for children.

DSD 20 yr old has just dropped out of uni. she stayed at home and lives with mum and step dad.

We give her £170 a month for living expenses. I doubt her mum asks her for anything but she may do.

DSD has just got her old job back starting in September earning around £12,000 a year.

What would you do regarding the money given to her each month? Keep the same or reduce?

We only found out she had dropped out of uni when she’d had it confirmed she had got her old job back so not entirely sure when the decision was made and when she stopped studying.

We don’t have an opinion either way really. We can afford it but obviously DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

YABU - keep same for next 2 months
YANBU - reduce amount

I was 20 ten years ago and I had a job, a baby and a rented house!

I didn't have the baby until 23 but I had a job from 15, a rented flat at 17 and a mortgage from 21. Life's been a struggle until recently and I'd be happy to give a bit of what I never expected to have to make my children's life easier, so they don't have to struggle as much.

@sweetkitty

Wow your SIL Pays for all that for a 25 year old.... where is the incentive to actually woman up, support herself and become independent when mummy even pays for her hair extensions! Lots of grown up children who appear unable to stand on their own 2 feet and make their own way in the world.

I don't blame you for not commenting though but the SIL isn't really doing the child (unable to be an adult) any favours though.

"My 25 yo niece has been unemployed since Oct last year (she was supposed to have a job in March but it fell through due to CV), my SIL still pays all her food, mobile, hair extensions, make up, clothes, car and moans about it. SIL works in the travel industry and gets bonuses as part of her job so we’ve had the woe is me there’s 2 people having to live off my wage. I don’t even comment now. Lazy sod should have got a job in Tesco and don’t sign on as the job centre is embarrassing but none of my business. They’ve always been like this."

Has anyone noticed that we are in the midst of a global pandemic, whereby companies are shedding jobs by the 1000s? The fact that she’s starting a job in September is a bloody miracle.

Think people are forgetting this pandemic.

I wouldn’t give her anything.

I’ll sub my dds maybe £150 or so a month while they’re there, but if they drop out then they are adults and they will have to get a job. I’ll also be expecting rent if they want to stay with me.

I had a child at 20. My parents would have laughed and told me where to go if I’d have asked for an allowance. She’s a grown up who chose to drop out of education, so now it’s time for her to act like an adult and support herself.

@Wigglegiggle0520

She is going back to a teaching assistant role. I did a quick google and got an average salary of £12000. Perhaps that’s not the case. So yes it will be full time term time. She never has discussed much with DH. I don’t know why really as they seem to have a good relationship but it upsets him a lot but I think he feels it’s not his place to pry too much. It certainly wouldn’t be a punishment to stop the money. DH hasn’t said he’s disappointed and he’s pleased she had the foresight to get the job lined up. I know her mum funds an awful lot for her and she also has a car to run and phone bill so didn’t want to leave her short. It’s not a discussion DH can have with her mum due to previous disagreements over the cost of things.

Has she discussed with your DH why she's quit uni?

If she's quit uni for a genuine reason - health, couldn't actuall do the course etc - then I'd continue the contribution until she started her job

If she can't discuss it like an adult I'd be disinclined to fund it.

Give her her pocket money but tell her once she starts her job and receives her first months wage it stops.
If you feel mean put some away for her that she doesn't know about and when she gets her first mortgage give it to her to help with the fees. X

The answers are going to be skewed because you called it pocket money. It's your DH's parental contribution. Has he chatted with his ex about it? Or his DD?
Their responses would impact on what I would do eg if his DD is saving for a further course later and her DM is having to meet all her living expenses.

@dancinfeet Same here with DS plus his older sibling has a part time job so if I was handing out cash it wouldn't be fair. Tbh having had a look at the maintenance loan ( Thanks @janinlondon) they should receive on top of the fact that they will be living rent and bill free with food provided they can get a job if they want extra

To answer the op's question no I can see why to cut her off now would seem cruel and if you can afford to keep doing it till September to keep the peace I would but once she is earning that would be it. I wouldn't be going back to paying her if she became unemployed for whatever reason either.

@Whysomanyexcuses yes she does I know it’s shocking since she left school at 16 there’s probably been more years she’s been out of work than in work but like you said there’s no actual need for her to work if Mum pays for everything. Doing her utterly no favours. Saying nothing about the nose and boob job she’s paid for as well. But not my money not my problem just hard when SIL is moaning to you about it though. I just go mmm now. Don’t know what she expects me to say.

I’d be so embarrassed to be 20 years old and receiving pocket money. It’s ludicrous.

When I was 20 I had a job and payed rent to my parents.

When I was 20 I had a job and payed rent to my parents.

🙄 The OPs step daughter was at uni until recently. Are you reading the thread? She has now got a job and will start in September. I’m sure she’ll pay rent if her mother asks her to.

I’m 20 years old, a homeowner, work full time, full time student, and pregnant. I understand everyone is at different life stages BUT I cannot understand how your daughter isn’t absolutely mortified at receiving pocket money :S I think my pocket money stopped when I was 13.

DD
Pocket money stops at 18, phone bill stops at 21.

living expenses for uni stop when they drop out, but to be honest they should have a job at uni anyway - I'm not funding the student union 5nights a week!!

DSD
Same agreement with Pocket money and phone bill.

She won't go to uni as realistically she isn't motivated enough for a high paid job. Maintenance will stop when child benefit stops however if she's on an apprenticeship then we may come to an arrangement where we give her a little spends to help make life easier (depending if her mum asks for board)

I’m 20 years old, a homeowner, work full time, full time student, and pregnant.

Gold medal for you. 🙄

Eh pocket money. My parents didn't give me money from the age of 13 when I got my first paperound. If i wanted money I worked for it. My parents brought me clothes, toiletries and food but beyond that I had to earn it

@beautifulcrazy thanks 🥰 as I said in the next sentence I understand people are at different stages in life but I absolutely would be mortified to receive pocket money from my parents X

Why are you giving a grown woman who has a job £170pm. If your happy to carry on and can afford it, fine. Weird though.

I had moved out and was living alone with a full time job at 18 so to still get pocket money at 20 sounds ridiculous 😂 who gets £170 pocket money. Surely pocket moneys like a fiver for a magazine and sweets.

I absolutely would be mortified to receive pocket money from my parents

But it’s not pocket money if you’re at uni. It’s an amount of money that parents pay to support their child when they can’t work full time easily due to studying. My kids both plan on going to Uni. They want to work part time but I will also support them as I don’t want them working too much. I want them to have time to study and some time to socialise. Its pretty standard for parents to do this if they can afford it.

I would say you’re in the minority to be a homeowner by 20. And then to be able to work full time and study full time. I wouldn’t pick that situation for my kids. I will expect them to study hard and work part time but I want them to have time to have a bit of fun as they’re young. I’m pretty sure that some Unis restrict the hours that students work anyway.

Pocket money? No, when you're 20 its called sponging. Adults often have to have a few months between jobs. She should have been claiming jobseekers as soon as she dropped out and before that she should have been saving a little every month to tide her over. If she hasn't, tough shit. She has a roof over her head, she won't starve, she'll just have to go without luxuries until she starts. Why do parents baby their kids so much? It does them no favours at all. I had to work to go to uni and so did all my friends. None of this living expenses from parents shit. Only a couple of people didn't have jobs while studying and were regarded as a being bit lazy and childish.

It leaves them so unprepared for adulthood where everything costs money and they have no experience of having to budget responsibly.

Mortified!
Ridiculous!

Very extreme reactions to £170 a month!

Let’s hope your children don’t need your financial help then they are older!

How’s claiming jobseekers any different?!!!!

I had moved out and was living alone with a full time job at 18 so to still get pocket money at 20 sounds ridiculous

So a totally different situation then, you never went to Uni. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s a few people that sound very bitter and jealous on this thread.

Good parents will help their kids out at Uni if they can afford it. Everyone I know with kids at Uni do this.