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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pocket money for 20 yr old

273 replies

Wigglegiggle0520 · 01/07/2020 14:23

Just seen another thread about pocket money for children.

DSD 20 yr old has just dropped out of uni. she stayed at home and lives with mum and step dad.

We give her £170 a month for living expenses. I doubt her mum asks her for anything but she may do.

DSD has just got her old job back starting in September earning around £12,000 a year.

What would you do regarding the money given to her each month? Keep the same or reduce?

We only found out she had dropped out of uni when she’d had it confirmed she had got her old job back so not entirely sure when the decision was made and when she stopped studying.

We don’t have an opinion either way really. We can afford it but obviously DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

YABU - keep same for next 2 months
YANBU - reduce amount

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2020 15:45

Im a single parent and don't have the money to totally support my dd. This pandemic she has been unable to find work, so has had to claim JSA.

But then i do pay taxes to technically paying towards her JSA.

Original poster
Wigglegiggle0520 · 01/07/2020 15:45

Thanks again for the comments.

Yes I think we may save it for her and it can be given as part of her 21st present.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 01/07/2020 15:46

I suppose you could carry on with the allowance till she gets paid if you can afford it.

RedToothBrush · 01/07/2020 15:47

Her job isn’t starting for a few months and is unlikely to be able to get any causal work to tide her over.

And?

Perhaps teach her to be an adult and get off her arse and at least try.

If she lives at home she doesn't need £170 for 'living expenses'. She doesn't need to pay for anything. She doesn't go out. She doesn't need clothes. If she wants to, she gets a job.

That simple.

If her parents are spoiling her and not teaching her to be a responsible adult then I'm sorry that doesn't mean you copy.

Even calling it pocket money says it all. You treat her like a child instead of teaching her to grow the fuck up.

vanillandhoney · 01/07/2020 15:49

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@vanillandhoney yes, because it gives you more incentive to get a job quickly as you have to go and sign on and prove you are looking for work. Getting money from parents for not doing anything can make you lazy and unmotivated.[/quote]
It's only for two months. She has a job lined up for September.

Personally I think it's better that the least number of people rely on the state as possible. We're going to have enough people claiming JSA and redundancy as it is. As long as her parents are happy to support her, why is it so much of a problem for some people?

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2020 15:50

My other dd is been made redundant from her job.

Annonymiss123 · 01/07/2020 15:50

@EatsShootsAndRuns

Adults don't get pocket money. That's why you work. If she needs money she’ll have to go and earn it. Hmm
Exactly this!
cologne4711 · 01/07/2020 15:51

I think my pocket money stopped when I got to 15 and i got my first weekend job

I don't think 20 year olds should be receiving pocket money and agree they should be paying something towards household costs if they are working full-time, but I don't think a 15 year old should effectively be penalised for having the gumption to get a job, either. I have continued to give my son pocket money when he has been working (and been furloughed) - £50 a month.

Standrewsschool · 01/07/2020 15:54

It’s only for two months more, and she has a job lined up. It’s a nice gesture to provide for her during these two months.

jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 15:55

As she is only earning £12,000 a year I'd continue to give her the small allowance that you already do, for the time being. That is, if you can afford it of course. However it's really up to you.

It's good that she has a job and in a couple of years she may be doing really well (uni isn't for everyone but her experience will not have been wasted). Later on she will appreciate that she was well supported by both parents when she needed it.

Mintjulia · 01/07/2020 15:57

Wow. My pocket money stopped at 13 when I got my first weekend job.

I’m guessing she’s not an independent sort of a person !

ElephantsAlltheWayDown · 01/07/2020 16:00

If she finished the year at uni and was waiting to start the next year in September you'd still be giving her money over the summer, yes?

If so then I don’t think she should be penalised for taking a job in September instead of resuming her course. I would pay her until her job starts. If it falls through for some reason I wouldn't pay past the date she would have resumed her uni course.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/07/2020 16:01

What living expenses?
Time to sit her down and talk to her.
Normally I'd say she could get a job, but that's not so easy in these covid times, and you say she's got one for September.
Maybe you could help her Mum out with bills, but if she's living at home, she won't need much. As an example, my 19 year old who has dropped out of uni and is living at home, gets £100 pm from his gran ( if it was down to me I wouldn't give him anything) and frankly, that's more than enough, as I pay for his food. He doesn't need anything else.
But you may want DSD to have a few luxuries if she's dropped out due to stress or MH issues.

jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 16:02

Minjulia, it all depends on the financial situation of the parents. Not everyone can afford to give their children any allowance which is sad but can't be helped. Most do if they can.

I haven't had a young child for a long time but husband and I always made sure they had some money to spend and we weren't well off in those days. A part time job while in education was a bonus for them and we wouldn't have reduced what we gave because of that.

OhYeahYouSuck · 01/07/2020 16:02

You should give her more.

A 20 year old who works cannot possibly support themselves. Give her more pocket money. Tight wads.

HoldingTight · 01/07/2020 16:03

I think you could reduce the amount you give her as presumably it was intended to pay expenses that she no longer has. In your situation I would have no problem with continuing to give her an allowance until her job starts. I would want her to have a chat with her dad about what happened though.

Not sure why everyone is so outraged.

Want2beme · 01/07/2020 16:03

She should get a better paid job, so that she can pay her way.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2020 16:03

@ElephantsAlltheWayDown

If she finished the year at uni and was waiting to start the next year in September you'd still be giving her money over the summer, yes?

If so then I don’t think she should be penalised for taking a job in September instead of resuming her course. I would pay her until her job starts. If it falls through for some reason I wouldn't pay past the date she would have resumed her uni course.

Agree.

It wasn't pocket money for Princess to sit at home and paint her nails, it was to help with living expenses whilst she studied. She doesn't want to do that but has seemingly gone straight to plan b and got her old job back. So if you'd normally pay it over summer holidays I'd do that, but make it clear it stops September

lilgreen · 01/07/2020 16:06

20 yr olds don’t get pocket money. That’s the incentive to work.

lilgreen · 01/07/2020 16:07

Btw she’s not an adult if she’s taking money from her dad so does need to run stuff past him!

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 01/07/2020 16:07

At first, I completely agreed with pps that she shouldn't be receiving pocket money if she is 20 years old and working.

But, when she's working, she's not earning a massive amount. All this shock about a father giving his adult child money to live on. I know of countless, good parents who would give money to their adult child rather than see them suffer or just because they can afford it and want their child to have a nice life. The OP and her dad don't know everything about her life clearly. This young woman could be paying her mum rent and may have to pay for her own food, and so could be struggling financially. Or she may not be.

OP, you need to know more about her life and adjust or get rid of the 'pocket money' accordingly.

namechangetheworld · 01/07/2020 16:13

I would pop the money into a savings account for her for a future contribution towards a house or car.

My grandparents still send 'pocket money' to my married 60 year old DM! Grin

BestestBrownies · 01/07/2020 16:14

We continued to pay DSD's £200pm allowance after she finished Uni and was job hunting. Then when she did secure a job, it was a poorly-paid internship (the harsh reality for most young people these days), so we continued paying the allowance to help her with travel costs (commuting into London).

She now has a low paid (but above minimum wage), job and still lives with her mother. We stopped the allowance, instead paying monthly into a LISA for her. This is on the understanding that the money is not to be touched until she needs it for a house deposit in future.

I'm really surprised by the attitude of the majority on this thread. Young people have it tough these days with soaring living costs and huge competition for an ever-shrinking jobs market. Why wouldn't you help them out a bit if you can afford it?

teenagetantrums · 01/07/2020 16:16

My.DD early 20s is on universal credit due to coronviris. I pay her mobile and give her extra money so maybe £100 a month. I wouldn't call it pocket money just me helping her. But she lives independently. If she lived with me l wouldn't be paying extra. As your SD lives with her mum she doesn't need that much. Maybe call her and offer to pay for her mobile or an expense like clothes. To be honest at this time they can't go anywhere so what's she spending bit on.

Longdistance · 01/07/2020 16:18

Pocket money? SMH 🤦🏼‍♀️

She’s got a job, if you carry on giving ‘pocket money’ she’ll take the piss and give up her job when she wants as daddy will bail her out.

I worked two jobs over seven days at that age, one full time, the other part time just so I had spends. I was saving for so many things. I was never home as I was either at work or partying at the weekends.

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