Pocket money for 20 yr old

[Wigglegiggle0520]

Just seen another thread about pocket money for children.

DSD 20 yr old has just dropped out of uni. she stayed at home and lives with mum and step dad.

We give her £170 a month for living expenses. I doubt her mum asks her for anything but she may do.

DSD has just got her old job back starting in September earning around £12,000 a year.

What would you do regarding the money given to her each month? Keep the same or reduce?

We only found out she had dropped out of uni when she’d had it confirmed she had got her old job back so not entirely sure when the decision was made and when she stopped studying.

We don’t have an opinion either way really. We can afford it but obviously DH is a little disappointed she didn’t speak to him about it and feels like he was the last to know but accepts she’s an adult and doesn’t have to run any of her choices past him!

YABU - keep same for next 2 months
YANBU - reduce amount

You are kidding me. My son lived at home for a bit and he had to get a job. No free money for him.

Pocket money - a 20 year old? Eh?

What do people think are the milestones to stop doing this, plus what is done to earn it.

You're not teaching her anything about life by doing this. Does she have a student maintenance loan?

If she needs money for something specific and you're willing/able to help that is a different matter.

No outrage here, just an opinion.

YABU to call it pocket money!

I think people are forgetting that while she was at uni, parents are expected by the government to provide financial support for students. The rules are very unfair in that the means tested loans are based on the income of the parent the student usually lives with (her DM) and their partner (regardless of whether they are the student's parent). Some NRP wiggle out of supporting their kids at uni and leave the financial burden to the other parent so it's great that you have been contributing.

Under the circumstances with coronavirus, I think your DSD has done the best she could to get a job starting in September and has acted responsibly. It's not like she dropped out of uni and is doing nothing with her life. If you can afford it, I would pay the extra 2 months at full rate. It means she has the money to contribute to her DM who is still supporting her financially by covering the costs of her living at home. Whether she does or not is up to her DM. It will also help tide her over when she starts work and you stop paying as she will at the very least need travel money to get to work until she is paid at the end of the month, possibly new work clothes.

Why does she need living expenses from you if she doesn't live with you. Does she pay anything to live with her mum. What does she do all day. If her dad wants to help her financially thats his choice but she should be looking for casual work until she starts her new job. Does she help around the house at all that you could pay her for.

Why on earth are you giving a grown woman spending money.

I would give the money. But only if she paid it back when she got paid, plus her living expenses.

I think my mother's mantra works here. If you're not learning, you're earning!

She shouldn't be getting a penny in "pocket money". She can do what other adults do. Sign on for benefits, they won't kick in until she's almost started her job but it'll be "her" money or find casual temp work to fill the gap.

That's if she needs money. If her mother is happy to be taken for a mug then let her crack on but I wouldn't give a penny to my children in the same circumstances...in fact I'd be asking for contribution to the household expenses.

Isn't it better for parents to support their adult children than the taxpayer?

Pocket money for an adult 😁 I've heard it all now.

Surely if you're out of work for whatever reason you sign on while you look for work. Jobseekers?

WTF? She's 20! If she's dropped out of full time education and has a job then why is anyone giving her any allowance?

If you have the money to spare then maybe put it away for her (without her knowledge so she doesn't rely on it) towards a house deposit or something down the line, but she should be standing on her own two feet in the meantime.

Jesus at 20 I was doing a summer internship in a job that paid 800 a fortnight!!! pocket money!?! Is this a joke

I have a 19yo at uni. He pays me zero. I give him a roof over his head and free utilities during uni holidays. He pays for his own clothes, food, mobile contract, socialising and car costs from his wages. (He's not at home at meal times)

170 a month is loads! I think it could act as a disincentive to earn tbh

Most parents are still paying their uni student DCs their term time allowance because there are no casual summer jobs available. DS1 should be working at Wimbledon now. According to him it is possible to claim JSA which I appreciate maybe necessary for some students but we are well able to support him and so the uni allowance continues. On the plus side he spends every penny which is pumping money into the economy.

Giving pocket money to a 20 year old is ridiculous.

I was out of work for a couple of months when I was 18. I did what every other adult does when they are out of work and signed onto JSA. No way would I expect money from my parents.

A 20 year old should not be getting pocket money!

So she didn’t tell your dh she had dropped out of uni but carried on taking his contribution every month? That’s quite sneaky, I wouldn’t be too impressed with that.

She'd be getting sweet FA from me!
She's an adult I don't see why mummy and daddy are paying her way.

I was out of work for a couple of months when I was 18. I did what every other adult does when they are out of work and signed onto JSA. No way would I expect money from my parents.

Is it somehow better for the government to support you instead of your parents?

I was working at 20. I didnt get pocket money but my mum would give me an extra £20 here and there if I was going on an occasional night out.

Welcome her to the world of adulting.

20 year old adults, not in education, don't get pocket money.

Your dh/her mum are her safety net and will provide her with a warm roof over her head and nutritious food in her belly when she needs it, the rest is now up to her.

WTF! I’m the same age and couldn’t imagine this

@vanillandhoney yes, because it gives you more incentive to get a job quickly as you have to go and sign on and prove you are looking for work. Getting money from parents for not doing anything can make you lazy and unmotivated.

Can I be your dsd??? I think if she's working then, she doesn't need pocket money. By all means put money away in savings for her, but if she's working then she should be living within her means.

I would stop the ‘pocket money’ but if you can afford the monthly payment maybe put it into a savings account and when she needs support with a car (better employment opportunities) or buying a house you could help out a bit (I think kids are going to have it hard in future regarding this).

This might also encourage her to talk to you both about life decisions (although the likely reason she didn’t speak about this decision is it is wrapped up with her own feelings of disappointment).