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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU Ex’s baby name almost the same as my name

248 replies

wrongsaidfred · 01/07/2020 13:12

Ex-boyfriend has named his new baby daughter almost with my name with one letter added in. AIBU to be shocked and confused?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/07/2020 19:47

@wrongsaidfred

Diverseopinions

I doubt very much she knows about me. All I know is if my current partner suggested a name for our child that was the same as ex’s with one letter added I would have told him I didn’t like it, and we would need to pick something else.

I LOVE the name Joe. I suggested it to DH and he didn't like it so we wouldn't have used it. It's an ex's name from a while before DH. I liked it before the ex and after the ex. Makes no odds. And that would have been exactly the same name, no letters different.

It it was Joel, one letter different, I wouldn't have even thought about the ex.

LadyPrigsbottom · 01/07/2020 19:49

I definitely don't think you should get too veto trigger-happy captain. My DH wouldn't let me have Alice one of my favourite names for dd, because his distant relative had a dd with that name. He also vetoed a name which he thought was too similar to MY cousin's dd. When we got to dc2, he had thankfully realised that the chances of our children ever meeting these kids, let alone mixing with them a lot was slim to none. Naming dc2 was so much easier as a result!

Whendoesthisgeteasier · 01/07/2020 19:54

Are you my dh's ex?? Grin Your post has made me realise that our dd name has the same letters as an ex of his- with the addition of an extra vowel. Totally different sound and feel though. I hadn't even noticed in 2 years. I don't think they will have even registered the fact it has the same letters as yours?! We picked a name we liked. It sounds like you're not over him.

NameChange84 · 01/07/2020 19:54

It really depends...

Sara/Sarah...teensy bit weird, same for Clare/Claire

Eva/Evie or Ava/Eva or Eve/Eva - meh these names are pretty common anyway

Same for Sophie/Sophia, Natalie/Natalia, Isabel/Isabella, Lara/Clara, Cecily/Cecilia, Gabrielle/Gabriella

If it’s a very unusual name like Zelie and Azelie or Antonia/Antonina you might have a point.

Tbh my first thought would just be that he was definitely “over me”.

If my ex named his child the same as mine I honestly wouldn’t give two hoots. We’ve both moved on and we are entitled to name our children whatever we so wish.

Flittingabout · 01/07/2020 20:00

Do you think you still have feelings for him? As you say, she doesn't know about you so why would he even think of you. If you were an ex wife and it was the same name then that would be different.

NameChange84 · 01/07/2020 20:01

Should add, some names though similar have a totally different feel...

Lara and Laura

Alice and Alicia

Jemma and Jemima

Kelly and Kayleigh

Clare and Clara

Nicole and Nicola

Nadia and Nadine

Even Bethan and Bethany seem very different to me.

So what feels almost the same to you might feel very different to them.

usauk · 01/07/2020 20:22

CaptainCabinets

That’s a bit harsh 🤣

Gwenhwyfar · 01/07/2020 20:26

@Flittingabout

Do you think you still have feelings for him? As you say, she doesn't know about you so why would he even think of you. If you were an ex wife and it was the same name then that would be different.
You could turn that around. Does he have feelings for OP still? It's quite a coincidence unless it's a very common name. Would you name your child the same name as an ex even if you liked that name or your new partner wanted it?
GertiMJN · 01/07/2020 20:34

Would you name your child the same name as an ex even if you liked that name or your new partner wanted it?

Yes - unless there was something extraordinary or distressing about the person or relationship.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/07/2020 20:36

I don't really understand how it could be interpreted as a sign he's still longing for OP? If he'd found himself a new girlfriend with the same name as OP I could see the logic, but naming your child after someone you have romantic feelings for is surely much, much weirder - indeed, outright creepy - than giving them the name of an ex that you don't much think about?

usauk · 01/07/2020 20:37

Think someone’s been shouting at CaptainCabinets in the woods again

ZoeCM · 01/07/2020 21:07

@wrongsaidfred

Was in a relationship for 2 years. He wasn’t a good person, narcissistic etc. We broke up and I met current partner and had DD, fairly quickly. His daughter was born this year, a year after mine.
So I take it you split up with your ex at least three years ago? If so, you've been apart for longer than you were even together in the first place.

To all the people saying this is weird - which of the following do you think is likeliest reason this man gave his daughter a name somewhat similar to his ex-girlfriend's?

A) He still has feelings for his ex and decided to let her via the name of his daughter by another woman

B) He's trying to upset his ex (what a bizarre way of doing it)

C) His new partner likes the name and he considers that more important than the similarity to his ex's

D) He didn't even make the connection when he chose the name, he doesn't associate it with the OP at all

I think A and B are extremely far-fetched. C and D are entirely plausible, particularly the latter - look how many women have posted on this thread that they named their children after their exes without even realising it. Men often move on from relationships very quickly, and two years really isn't long to be with someone. He may well simply see the relationship as a blip.

OP, if your description of him is accurate, you're better off without him.

Cartesiandebt · 01/07/2020 21:15

An ex of mine gave his daughter my name (exactly the same spelling).
It’s a fairly common name, but not very common.

We’d had quite an intense 2 year relationship & I left him to go overseas. Years later we reconnected on Facebook. He seemed embarrassed when he told me his daughters name, I think he was worried I’d assume he was holding a torch for me or something. I’m sure he isn’t! He seems very happily married (as am I).

Sometimes a name is just a name

FrogFairy · 01/07/2020 21:19

A know of a man who was in a long term relationship, engaged and living together for several years. He cheated and left for the
OW.

He insisted on naming their firstborn the exact same pretty unusual name as the dog he owned with his previous partner.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 01/07/2020 21:20

I think you're being given a bit of a hard time here OP. They may have genuine reasons for choosing the name, but I can understand your initial suspicions.

Diverseopinions · 01/07/2020 21:20

I think he admires OP, and subconsciously wants his child to have her composure. I don't think that means he holds a candle for OP, though - he just associates positive qualities with her name.

Coconutbug · 01/07/2020 21:32

He probably didn't think anything of it, maybe it's the girlfriends desire to have that name or it's a family name.
It's hard to say completely without knowing the names but I think it's just a coincidence and you are perhaps overthinking.

slashlover · 01/07/2020 21:35

How did you find out OP? You say that she probably doesn't know about you so you're obviously not in contact?

CloudyGladys · 01/07/2020 21:37

What are we looking at?

Jane and Jayne - same name, different spellings
Jane and Janie - diminutive of your name
Jane and Janet - different names

All 3 pairs meet the spelling difference as described but very different scenarios.

Meanwhile, we all like a puzzle so my guess is Emma and Gemma/ Jemma.

NameChange84 · 01/07/2020 21:42

The thing is, the more I think of it, the more I realise that I would totally name a child the same name as certain people I don’t like or have a history with. In fact I’ve promised to name a first born son a certain name which also has another significant meaning (religious) that only my very nearest and dearest would know BUT it also just happens to be the name of a man who I once dated and who thought I was “the one” for him. It’s honestly, honestly nothing to do with him. I’d hate it if he assumed it was.

The only man I ever loved and who there is ALOT of history with had a bloody fantastic, classic and lovely boys name that I could just see myself naming a little boy...because it’s a gorgeous name.

Let’s say it’s these two names, because they are similar,

“Lot of History” ex is Adam
“Random guy I once dated till he got weird but who’s name I have already promised to use” is Matthew.

I’d have zero qualms about calling my first some Adam Matthew...

And it has nothing to do with either the Adam or Matthew that I previously had relationships. I just really really love the names.

I also love two other names that just happen to be the names of two boys who bullied me awfully...let’s say Gabriel and Nathaniel.

I adore the names. If I named a son or sons those names it would have nothing to do with those boys.

In fact, using those names would almost help them mean less to me. Because I’d be forming new associations based on much more positive and loving experiences with a child I’d helped create and brought into the world rather than men who a) broke my heart b) bored me senseless or c) treated me terrible. I’d just look at my little boy and he’d be the most special Adam Matthew, Gabriel or Nathaniel I had ever met.

NameChange84 · 01/07/2020 21:44

I want to apologise for my horrific grammar and spelling above Confused

ishouldgoandtryabitmoredaily · 01/07/2020 23:52

@Namechange8471 I don't think it works, one you know someone with the name then it's theirs. Meeting a charming young man working at the garden centre once, who was called Adam reinforces a nice name. Dating someone is too much association.

I know what you are saying if you like a name. I had a tutor at uni who was a shit to me. His name was quite niche from the country I am from. I like the name, but couldn't use it as it just made me think of the tutor. He ruined his name.

Maybe something more common dilutes any bad associations, as you are more likely to know good and bad.

Popc0rn · 01/07/2020 23:58

*"What are we looking at?

Jane and Jayne - same name, different spellings
Jane and Janie - diminutive of your name
Jane and Janet - different names

All 3 pairs meet the spelling difference as described but very different scenarios.

Meanwhile, we all like a puzzle so my guess is Emma and Gemma/ Jemma."*

My guess is Mara and Maria

Come on OP, tell us!

Popc0rn · 02/07/2020 00:00

No actually, I change my guess to Maria to Marina

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 00:00

In fact, using those names would almost help them mean less to me. Because I’d be forming new associations based on much more positive and loving experiences with a child I’d helped create and brought into the world rather than men who a) broke my heart b) bored me senseless or c) treated me terrible. I’d just look at my little boy and he’d be the most special Adam Matthew, Gabriel or Nathaniel I had ever met.
Interesting. For me, it would be like tainting my precious child by giving them a name that had such negative associations for me.

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