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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Ex’s baby name almost the same as my name

248 replies

wrongsaidfred · 01/07/2020 13:12

Ex-boyfriend has named his new baby daughter almost with my name with one letter added in. AIBU to be shocked and confused?

OP posts:
Nymeriastark1 · 01/07/2020 17:38

You can't honestly think it's got anything to do with you Confused I very much doubt his new partner would agree to the name of it did. Plus it's not even your name 😂. How do you even know?

SunshineCake · 01/07/2020 17:38

@wrongsaidfred

Thanks everyone. It’s probably just that his current partner likes the name.
Penny drops or face saving attempt.
Nymeriastark1 · 01/07/2020 17:40

Sorry didn't see you had a daughter with him. That's obviously why you know as they're siblings. If I ever had a son one of my options for name would be the same as one of my ex's, because I like the name.

Popc0rn · 01/07/2020 17:42

I don't know the names of any of my boyfriend's exes. I just had to concentrate to remember the names of my own. Maybe his partner just Adding or changing just one letter makes a big difference to a name:

Ana / Anna
Anna / Hanna
Cora / Coral
Grace / Gracie
Sara / Sarah
Cara / Clara
Lara / Laura
Julie / Juliet
Louise / Elouise
Elle / Ellie
Elle / Belle
Ella / Bella
Kate / Katie
Lena / Elena
Eve / Evie

I don't think there's any connection to you...unless your name is Clare and he's named his daughter Claire Grin.

BeautifulCrazy · 01/07/2020 17:43

Depending on the name it could be weird. So if your name is Clare and his new child is Clara would be fine but if your name is Jane and his new child is Jayne then that would be weird.

There’s no way I would call my child the same name as my partners ex or my ex, no matter how much I liked the name.

Thisismytimetoshine · 01/07/2020 17:43

I think it means he has well and truly forgotten his time with you. Sorry.

scrivette · 01/07/2020 17:46

DS has the same first name as an ex's surname.

It hasn't occurred to me at all until a couple mod months after he was born and I bumped into ex at a wedding and just hoped he didn't ask what the baby's name was!

He wasn't a significant ex though.

I don't think it's that odd. Plus if DS was a girl I really liked the name of DH's ex and I would have been happy to use it (he wasn't so keen as it's unusual).

Mamette · 01/07/2020 17:47

Isabella?

If it’s something in the top 10 then I think you’re overthinking. His gf probably picked it and maybe he’s never mentioned you to her?

On the other hand, if your name is Assumpta or Hildegarde and they named the baby Assumptia or Hildegarden, then maybe there’s something weird going on.

OrchidJewel · 01/07/2020 17:49

I married a man who has the same name as my long time ex. He married a girl with the same name as me and we both have daughters the same name. Haven't seen him in years just total coincidence 😅

Anyway it's irrelevant to your post. Yeh I'd find it a little weird

KetoWinnie · 01/07/2020 18:07

In a way it shows that you're just not a factor in the decision making process at all. Like if it had been very recent, or very painful, or if she knew you then maybe it would have felt too close to your name, but they obviously don't care.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/07/2020 18:10

Obviously, we need to know how common your name is. If it's uncommon then it's more likely he was thinking of you.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 01/07/2020 18:18

Sorry didn't see you had a daughter with him. That's obviously why you know as they're siblings

She hasn't has she? I thought her DD was from current relationship?

sonjadog · 01/07/2020 18:30

I don´t think it is shocking or confusing. It just shows that he no longer thinks about you in any meaningful way at all. The name may also be a family name on his wife's side, or they may just like it.

The changing the date thing however - that is both shocking and confusing!

lyralalala · 01/07/2020 18:33

@fassbendersmistress That is horrendous! What kind of people would do that to a child? So much of our identity is tied up in our name than most of us ever consciously think about. Poor kid.

He just doesn't get it. His wife just won't see by the fact that "I wanted to call my daughter after my mother". The only time she had a very brief moment of clarity was when a mutual friend said to her "I always wanted to call a son after my Grandad Jack, but since I have the surname Russell I've had to accept that would be fucking cruel". She still just maintains that it was her right. Which is was. He shouldn't have gone along with it.

It was made even worse by the fact that his elder daughter has always has a certain nickname from her Mum. Her Dad and step-mother never called her anything other than her name, but they both started using the nickname during the pregnancy. So they essentially took her name from her and gave it to their baby.

When the contact stopped between them he wanted to go to court, but several lawyers pointed out to him that it was unlikely his by-then 12.5 would be made to have contact once the judge heard from the kid how hurt she was.

GabsAlot · 01/07/2020 18:43

demi moore?

Diverseopinions · 01/07/2020 19:14

it seems to happen quite often that a couple can't agree on a name. One is going for something outre, and thinking it unusual and striking, (often the woman) and the guy wants something pretty but unimaginative, and so the only, only name they could agree on, happens to be like yours, and he has had to go with it, or face one he can't stomach. Is it possible that the partner doesn't know he dated you..as this would make the most sense? If you are known to her, then it is surprising that she wanted that name. I'd bet anything that she suggested your name, rather than him...as it would risk getting him in a lot of trouble if the name had been his idea and then someone tells her later that he'd been really into you.

Original poster
wrongsaidfred · 01/07/2020 19:19

Diverseopinions

I doubt very much she knows about me. All I know is if my current partner suggested a name for our child that was the same as ex’s with one letter added I would have told him I didn’t like it, and we would need to pick something else.

OP posts:
Mumoblue · 01/07/2020 19:24

Me and DP had to rule out "Sam" for exactly this reason. On both sides! It's a shame. I like the name Sam.

I would certainly rule out a name used by my or his ex.
Maybe he did mention it but she just liked the name a lot.

GertiMJN · 01/07/2020 19:32

There is so much about this situation that you have no idea about. Maybe the name was her choice and she simply couldn't give a shit that it is very similar to an ex of her dh.

You're assuming that your ex is the one who wanted the name . But maybe she had to convince him

LadyPrigsbottom · 01/07/2020 19:33

I think sometimes names really remind you of someone you know with that name and sometimes, you can pick a really similar name to that of someone you already know and it honestly never crosses your mind that it is similar. I don't think it's a straight decision that if you have ANY exes with a similar name, you can't use that name iyswim. I think some people might feel that way, but others just pick their favourite name and don't really think about their exes.

My dd has a name which was quite common when I was growing up. I know a few people with that name, but I honestly didn't think about it when we named dd. In fact, one girl with that name was really horrible to me at school and had few redeeming features. I 100% did not think of her having the same name as my dd until I read a thread on here about naming a dd the same as the school bully and I realised, "omg we gave dd the same name as someone who picked on me at school"! It hadn't crossed my mind. It is a classic name though, so there are so many of them that I don't associate it with any one person, (now my dd obviously). I'd say the same about names like Tom, John, James etc. I know so many that I don't associate them with anyone in particular.

Jenasaurus · 01/07/2020 19:34

My ex has the same first name and surname, plus date of birth, district in the same town and in the same class at school as each other, One lived in a house backing on to my garden and as a lad threw a stone at me and split my lip when I was 5, the other I went on to have a 28 year relationship and 3 children with, thats weird isnt it

Jenasaurus · 01/07/2020 19:34

although common names, eg John Smith type name

ShadowCat17 · 01/07/2020 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyPrigsbottom · 01/07/2020 19:43

That is bonkers jena! We had two girls with the exact same name in my class at school. Again, common names, but still very funny (and annoying for the teacher)!

CaptainCabinets · 01/07/2020 19:45

I’m mildly amused that you’ve described him as narcissistic when you’re the one thinking he’s named his baby after you. Grin

FWIW Alice is one of my favourite names, it’s also DP’s ex girlfriend’s name and I still wouldn’t hesitate to use it because I like it and she’s completely irrelevant to us.