Men on Mumsnet

[R2519]

Hi
I'm posting on AIBU, mainly for traffic, but will use the voting function to see what people think.

I am a man and have used MN for a few years now. I was a SAHD for our first child after doing shared parental leave with my wife. She wanted to go back to work and is the main earner so decided i would stay at home for another year. I am now back at work and our DD is in nursery. Anyway, i digress. I found MN to be hugely helpful when i was a SAHD. A huge wealth of information from other parents, mainly mums, on what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I genuinely found it invaluable.

This is where my question comes in......I am assuming that MN, as the name probably suggests, was created for Mums.....women, but i think its pretty common knowledge a lot of men use it too. Some like me, who are SAHD's or find it invaluable for parenting information but i am also sure there are some men who use it for questionable means (like the sex chat area for example).

So, my question is.......do women think men have a place on MN or would they rather men not use it?
Yes / IABU = Men have a place
No / IANBU = Would prefer men not use MN
(sorry, not sure the best way round for those)

Its a very general question i know but on the face of it i wondered if some women felt it was another example of men invading safe spaces, IYSWIM......I appreciate it may sound extreme but i was curious as to how people felt about it.

Finally, i know anyone can use any platform to give their opinion (providing its not illegal), I'm just curious to know opinions....from women and men too.

Thanks

i know MN is for parents but i suppose should there should be some areas of the site where it is women only perhaps.

As mnhq have said loads of times before, the site is not just for parents.

How would you enforce women only parts of the site?

I'm curious about the history. Why is it called Mumsnet, but then for is for Dads, and non-parents too? What was the process? Surely due to its name, it must have been just Mums at some point?

@GimmeAy

Actually it's an Irish turn of phrase - now yer sucking diesel. Most used on Killinaskully or by D'Unbelievables who are Irish.

Oh, well if you think it belongs to you the rest of us will have to stop using it.

i know MN is for parents but i suppose should there should be some areas of the site where it is women only perhaps.

That's completely impossible on the internet.

If women want that sort of 'club' they'll have to leave the house and attend one.

OP, don't assume that MNers who post (rather than just read) are representative of the female population. It is only a subgroup.

Many women/mothers have no interest in 'wasting' their time on forums debating the world.

MNers are a specific group of women. However much there is to learn here, I wouldn't fall into believing that it sums up the majority of women attitudes and principles in this country.

I'd prefer it if MN was just women, but how would that be enforced anyway?

The male posters who hang about so they can scold women are the most tedious.

Sorry not quite sure which way the poll works but I'm happy for anyone to post who does so with goodwill and integrity and who doesn't try to bulldoze their opinions on others.

I think people don't seem to realise that by including men in discussions on parenting, childcare and even educating them on feminist issues it actually helps everyone get one step closer to equality.

I don’t think women come to mumsnet tk educate men @GreytExpectations

As in RL it does mean avoiding rampant mansplainers at times but of course men should use a parenting forum.

I don’t think women come to mumsnet tk educate men

it's not about educating, it's about naturally including both mother AND father in all areas of parenting. It's about not even considering that it could exclude men , or fathers, because it's just... normal.

Apart from the obvious (changing rooms which should be private anyway) or breastfeeding, WHY excluding men out of curiosity? What's the difference when you talk with a bunch of complete strangers (and anonymous strangers!) if they are male or female?

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t think women come to mumsnet tk educate men *@GreytExpectations*

It's not the primary purpose but anyone being included in discussions will eventually be educated.

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t think women come to mumsnet tk educate men *@GreytExpectations*

That's not really what I'm saying.

Thank you @WorraLiberty that's exactly my point. Any one who joins in a discussion about something they aren't familiar with will naturally be educated on the topic

Of course it's fine! I always thought it should be called Parentsnet really. I find it odd seeing people who admit to never wanting to have children on here though.

The vast majority of posts aren't even about parenting so no I don't believe this forum is just for mums or even parents anymore

@Araiwa

I find it odd seeing people who admit to never wanting to have children on here though.

Why? This forum is full of loads on non parent focused topics. I find it more odd that you can't see why people without kids would want to be on here

I just worry about the women married to these men who post on MN. Surely they're thinking - give me some fucking space! Is nowhere sacred or do you feel your dick will add to every forum?

I think a male perspective is useful on a lot of threads

@GreytExpectations
It doesn't bother me personally at all seeing non-parents on here but I just find it surprising as it's a parents' forum according to the creators:
'The UK's largest network by parents, for parents'
'Forum for parents'
So if it's extended to the wider audience then Mumsnet could do with changing their name and their slogan to fit.

There's a Dadsnet, it's really quiet when I look. If I was a Dad I'd come here instead.

Apart from the obvious (changing rooms which should be private anyway) or breastfeeding, WHY excluding men out of curiosity?

Thinking specifically of babies and parenting in real life situations I can see the merit in having men excluded from certain groups and settings such as new mother groups (my area does a group that talks about ohydicalnand emotional changes relating to birth, postnatal depression, relationships, rrturning to work, staying at home, etc), breastfeeding groups, overnight in shared bays on the postnatal ward, etc because in such situations women may be feeling vulnerable, they may wish to discuss issues that they're not comfortable discussing in front of men but don't matter so much in front of other women due to commonality, it gives women a safe space in which to seek aid (e.g., disclosing domestic abuse), and the services on offer in these places are, female-centric so there is nothing there for men.

On an anonymous internet forum it doesn't particularly matter whether the other posters are male or female unless the discussion is specifically relating to the views or experiences of either sex.

I used to play an online game where 90% of players were male. There was a big forum a lot of us used for discussing the game and the owner of the forum decided to set up one private board on the forum just for female players - there were about ten of us.

Oh my GOD, the drama from (some of) the men! But what will the women talk about? But how will we know they’re not breaking the rules if there’s not a moderator there? But isn’t that sexism really if men aren’t allowed? But WHY aren’t men allowed? But WHY can’t the girls just talk about these things on the open boards with the rest of us? “We tried that and you all piled in with “hur hur there are no girls in [game]” and “pics or stfu” comments.” “Well I didn’t do that, why are you comparing me to those men, just because I’m a man too, why can’t I see what you’re talking about just because I have a penis, that makes YOU the sexist, I’m reporting you to admin!”

All because there was one space for about ten of us to chat without every conversation revolving around them. I don’t think they realised quite how exhausting they were.

If I want a man's opinion I can access a million websites or a million other forms of social and mainstream media.

I can't overstate how important Mumsnet is as a primarily female led space.

The internet is dominated by men, but heaven forbid they will leave us this tiny piece.

Men are welcome to read and learn and educate themselves. They are not welcome to mansplain the female experience.

You can always tell a male by their ponderous self important writing style. No woman writes like that. Even ponderous self important women never write like that. Once you've seen it you can't unsee it.

OP I am glad you found Mumsnet of value to you in your parenting journey.